ALWAYS - (a funny for those of us who need it )

  1. I got this in an email from one of my nurses today, i figure i would post this for all of us still waiting for test results/letters/phone calls from admissions committees. Sorry boys but this is more of a girlie joke.
    Hopefully this will give you chuckle and lift your spirits, and if you've heard it before forgive me.

    Enjoy




    AN OPEN LETTER TO
    >MR. JAMES THATCHER,
    >BRAND MANAGER,
    >PROCTER & GAMBLE.
    >
    >- - - -
    >
    >Dear Mr. Thatcher,
    >
    >I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years,
    >and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard
    >Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback
    >riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up
    >and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has
    >to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company
    >smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be
    >aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month
    >knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
    >
    >Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from
    >"the curse"? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my "time of the month" is
    >starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces
    >violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body
    >will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call
    >"an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn't the human body amazing?
    >
    >As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you've no doubt seen
    >quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers'
    >monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the
    >bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood
    >swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize
    >it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend
    >Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles
    >into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's
    >Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, Sir, you of
    >all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal
    >maniacs in capri pants.
    >
    >Which brings me to the reason for my letter.
    >
    >Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to
    >reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi
    >pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words:
    >"Have a Happy Period."
    >
    >Are you f**king kidding me?
    >
    >What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really
    >think happiness-actual smiling, laughing happiness-is possible during a
    >menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
    >pleasurable?
    >Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak
    >girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you
    >have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahla and lock yourself in your
    >house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreens armed with a
    >hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
    >For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap
    >a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say
    >something that's actually pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or
    >"Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"? Or are you just picking on us?
    >
    >Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective
    >immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have
    >chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will
    >certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your
    >brand of condescending bulls**t. And that's a promise I will keep.
    >Always.
    >
    >Best,
    >
    >Wendi Aarons
    >Austin, TX


  2. Visit shippoRN profile page

    About shippoRN

    Joined: Dec '06; Posts: 757; Likes: 133

    10 Comments

  3. by   muffie
    i saw it last week
    ain't it great

    there is nothing happy about a period except not being preggy, if you don't want to be
  4. by   GottaGetIn
    HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!!
  5. by   Spidey's mom
    Funny . . . . . but I love my pads with wings . . . .


    steph
  6. by   Cherish


    Now that was funny.
  7. by   miss arron
    good to see i'm not the only one who got pissed by "have a happy period" - do any women work in their marketing division? ***?
  8. by   curlysue82
    Hahahahahaha..... That is freakin hilarious!!!
  9. by   DesertRain
    Quote from miss arron
    good to see i'm not the only one who got pissed by "have a happy period" - do any women work in their marketing division? ***?
    I didn't even realize that it said that!!! LOL!
  10. by   tarnished_angel66
    oh that made me laugh!!! wonder what cute message a lady could put on lets say some jock itch cream
  11. by   stpauligirl
    Quote from muffie
    i saw it last week
    ain't it great

    there is nothing happy about a period except not being preggy, if you don't want to be
    Happiness started the day of my hysterectomy!
    There was a picture of Lady Liberty hanging on the wall next to my bed while I was prepped to go under. I was soooooo excited and couldn't wait to get to the OR. We all had a ball, nurses, doctors etc because I kept saying....TODAY IS LIBERTY DAY, FREEEEEE AT LAST!!!!!
    I still have some of those things in my bathroom closet...don't know what to do with them....
    Only a man could have come up with "Have a Happy Period"

    I love your kitties
    Last edit by stpauligirl on Mar 15, '07
  12. by   chris2227
    That's pretty funny...... love it LOL....

close