advice on preadmission nursing essay #2

  1. Ok this is nursing essay number 2. Explain in detail how you will commit to the demands and responsibilities of a nursing program? The essay is two pages doubled spaced, which is the requirement. I know I still need to fix punctuation and grammar and I have a coworker to help me with that part. I am just looking for opinions on how you think I answered the question and the structure. I have put a lot of time in the outline of this essay so I hope I made my points clear. I welcome all criticism. This is so very important to me and I appreciate any advice anyone has to offer. I have found this site to be extremely helpful, so thank you in advance.



    [COLOR=#000000]Iam not just applying for a two-year degree in nursing, I am applying for alifelong commitment to nursing. I have always finished everything I start, andthis nursing program will be no different. I have taken steps to ensure that Iwill succeed in nursing, which shows how committed I am to this nursingprogram. Going through a 9 month, fast paced Medical Assisting program hasgiven me some insight to the demands of an intense nursing program, such asSumner, and the responsibilities that is expected of me to meet those demands. Forme to succeed, I will maintain self-care of my body and mind to ensure I amgetting the most out of my education. I recognize and apply my learning capabilitiesas an individual which will prepare me for in class lectures and homework. Coupledwith my time management and punctuality abilities that are standards that I usein my everyday life. [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#000000]Ilive a healthy lifestyle that includes at least 4 days of exercise, 6 hours ofsleep and a diet that consists of natural foods to help keep my body healthyand my mind sharp. I manage stress through diet and exercise and I will maintainthis kind of self-care throughout nursing school, along with managing my nonacademicobligations by limiting any distractions that could potentially get in the wayof my studies. Luckily, I do not participate in any forms of social media thatcould distract me from my priorities. I do not have any kids; therefore, I don'thave to worry about daycare or extra financial obligations that comes with raisingkids. I am in a prime position to start nursing school and have the supportfrom friends and family who want to see me succeed.[/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#000000]Iam ready to make nursing school my full-time job and have taken the propersteps to ensure that I am financially ready to commit to the demands of nursingschool. It is my responsibility to dedicate all of my time to my studies and I amlucky enough to have an employer who wants to see me advance my career and willoffer financial support to help get me there. I have arranged a part time positionwith The Vancouver Clinic to work in urgent care on call and on the weekends.This will allow financial support and the opportunity to work in the same fieldI am studying for. The stability within my current position proves my reliabilityto start this new chapter in my life. [/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#000000]Thestability in my life is a direct reflection of how I manage my day to day tasks,and one of my most valued traits is punctuality. I strive to be on time,whether that be to work, to a meeting or to meet deadlines, I continually do itin a timely manner. This is will be no different when it comes to nursingschool. I repetitively allow myself enough time to arrive to my destinations,keeping in mind any obstacles that might affect my course. Never will I be lateor absent to any class under any circumstance, nor will my assignments. I takefull responsibility for my actions and I have a history to show that my actionseffect my life in a positive way. My actions will always prove positivethroughout nursing school, just like it has through Medical Assisting school andin my current occupation.[/COLOR]
    [COLOR=#000000]Mypunctuality, stability and overall desire to advance my career proves that I amready to meet the demands and responsibilities that come with nursing school. Iam eager to start school with the anticipation that I will succeed on everylevel. I have taken all necessary steps to ensure that I complete nursingschool to the best of my ability and I have all the support from friends andfamily to guarantee I graduate. I am the student that will take initiative andput my best foot forward always. I am the student that you want in your nursingprogram. I am that student you will be proud of come graduation and I will bethat student to be proud to graduate from Sumner college. [/COLOR]
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    About mackenstadtb

    Joined: Jun '18; Posts: 12; Likes: 4
    from OR , US

    10 Comments

  3. by   Devon Rex
    Hello,

    English is not my first language, but I like writing papers. After reading yours, I am compelled to point out several things. It is my hope that you find them helpful.

    First off... essays are normally written in third person and you state your comments as facts. However, since this essay is about you, you must write it in first person. Nevertheless, it does not mean every sentence may start with "I" or that it should be used excessively. This is a challenge and one that should be worked on in order to write a great essay.

    Second... essays should have an introductory paragraph with a thesis statement and at least three elements to expand on. These elements are then addressed in separate paragraphs. Then, you have your closing paragraph, which wraps things up and restates your thesis statement.

    From what I gather, your three elements can be classified as: Healthy Lifestyle, Time Management, and financially ready. When you speak of your healthy lifestyle, you may expand that to your body, mind, and spirit (or soul). Do not be afraid of addressing this third aspect. When you speak of time management, you talk about your punctuality and being proactive in facing the unexpected (study habits, traffic, weather, etc) in order to always be on time. When you speak of being financially ready, speak of your current job and family support while on nursing school.

    Always speak in a positive light. Do your best to avoid negative statements, such as the very first sentence you wrote. You want to convey a positive image and positive thinking all the time.

    Finally, restate your three elements/traits on your final paragraph and restate your thesis. Your job will be done!

    Best wishes!
  4. by   mackenstadtb
    Thank you for taking time to read my essay. I did have that mind body and soul part in there but took it out during my first round of revisions, I think I will put it back in there. I will go back to my outline and expand on the elements to make it more clear. Thank you again, happy revising!
  5. by   Devon Rex
    If you post your revised essay... I'd be happy to read it.
  6. by   mackenstadtb
    It wont let me post my essay again due to ''terms of service" I will try to private message you.
  7. by   mackenstadtb
    I don't know how to send a private message and it wont let me repost it. Any ideas?
  8. by   Devon Rex
    Click on your nickname at the top right of your screen, then Private Messages.

    If nothing else, email to: Devon_Rex@rocketmail.com
    Last edit by Devon Rex on Jul 14
  9. by   Rose_Queen
    Quote from mackenstadtb
    I don't know how to send a private message and it wont let me repost it. Any ideas?
    You won't have access to private messages until you have 15 quality posts.
  10. by   mackenstadtb
    Yep, just found that out... Bummer.
  11. by   Devon Rex
    I sent you a private message. I hope you got it. Let me know what you think.
  12. by   mackenstadtb
    I am unable to send or respond to private messages because I have not had enough posts... anyway that you for the revisions. I have added and taken away some things and I believe its a pretty good essay, I know id except me =)

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