Potential nurse...scared of death

mom4josh · Jul 9, 2008

I wasn't sure I could handle it either before I ever became a nurse, but you realize that it is a part of life... everyone has to go through it sooner or later. And, if in some small way I can help someone through it, I have enriched both of our lives.

I have to say that it is not something that everyone can handle. I have had nurses come to work on our floor and demand they not have a patient that could possibly expire on their shift. They said that they have never had a patient die and they didn't want to start. My feeling is that, as a nurse (especially working in a hospital), eventually you will have a patient die. The sooner you accept that fact, the better. It doesn't necessarily mean that you have to like death or enjoy it, nor does it mean that it won't sometimes be harder than other times because you may become more attached to certain patients... you just deal with each circumstance as it comes.

Good luck in your decision.

Babs0512 · Jul 9, 2008

I can certainly understand your feelings about death. If you accept life, you must accept death, for it is the inevitable outcome for all of us.

I have seen many people die and those already dead. There is really nothing scary about it. I'm not disregarding your feelings, I'm expressing my own.

Some of my "fondest" memories are of holding the hand of a dying patient. It's a honor to comfort someone who's put their trust in your helping them with passing over. At least, that is the way I feel.

With codes, well, you get so caught up in helping, or just observing all the activity, it often doesn't occur to you that the person is "dead" until after the code ends.

When it's time to take the patient to the morgue, I always clean the patient, if needed, put a pillow under their head and cover them with a blanket. My coworkers tease me because I still refer to them as "Mrs. Jones" or "Henry" - they are still my patient, and even in death, they deserve modesty and respect.

Best advice I can give you, is don't be afraid, like anything else, you'll get use to it. You may never "like" it, most don't, but most of us accept that death comes to all eventually, and after exposure to it, it's not so scary anymore.

Good luck dear

rn/writer, RN · Jul 9, 2008

I would strongly encourage you to address this fear whether you pursue nursing or not. Most of us have some level of apprehension regarding death--either the process itself, what comes after, or simply not being ready to go. For some, that normal level of apprehension crosses the line into a full-blown phobia that encroaches on the freedom and enjoyment of life we were meant to experience.

Some avenues for you to pursue are speaking with a counselor or therapist, talking with someone who shares your spiritual beliefs, or even confiding in a trusted friend or family member whose wisdom and maturity you respect.

You can also write out your thoughts and feelings. It's amazing what spills out when you're putting your heart on paper.

True freedom will not be yours until you find a way out of the tyranny that such fear creates. Not only will you be a better nurse for facing this difficult subject, you will be a better, more productive, and happier person.

I wish you the best.

kix86 · Jul 9, 2008

Thanks for the replies and encouraging words! I guess dying is just a part of life and perhaps I have an immature view on the subject...I have never really experienced much death in my own life. More than the actual patient dying though, is that I always think about the families when I hear about something tragic happening...the spouses, kids, parents, etc. Life can be so tragic and sad sometimes, I just don't know if I can handle that on a daily basis.

Babs0512 · Jul 9, 2008

KIX86: I haven't had a patient die in over three years (hope I didn't jynx myself). I no longer work in the ER, I work in the recovery room.

Nurses do not have to deal with death every day - even in critical care. There are many types of nursing who have to deal with infrequent death, like working in a doctors office, or being a school nurse. You have to be aware that it "could" happen, and know CPR and such, but you won't have to encounter it everyday.

I agree with a previous post, worrying about death all the time isn't healthy. Perhaps speaking with a counselor may help, it couldn't hurt.

Even working in the ER, I didn't see death EVERY day. But after 8 years, I saw a lot.

Again, good luck and keep us posted.

kix86 · Jul 9, 2008

I don't worry about it all the time! I've just been thinking about it a lot because it could be a potential roadblock to nursing. I think I start to dwell on something and then it runs away with me!

Babs0512 · Jul 9, 2008

I was afraid of anything gross. Body fluids, just touching patients, vomit, sputum, stool, etc... I remember thinking "I'll never get through Nursing School unless I desensitize myself to this stuff. So I took a weekend position as a nursing assistant.

I gagged a lot the first week, by the second week, I knew I could deal with most anything. Just the exposure to stuff over and over worked for me.

There are still things I find "gross", BUT, I can deal with them well enough to get through the situation.

snowfreeze, BSN, RN · Jul 9, 2008

We all fear the unknown. You will do fine, you care. The more you learn and experience the less you will worry. Except during nursing school when you seem to develop the symptoms of every disease you learn about at the same time you learn about the disease. The human mind is complex and we all have to live with it.

-MNC_RN- · Jul 9, 2008

Some random thoughts of mine on the matter:

1. Nurses don't constantly deal with death. I've been in the field for 11 years and, from what I can remember, I've only had 8 of my patients die. And that's working in critical care and trauma. I've certainly dealt with other dying and dead patients (certainly many more than 6), but having your personal patients die will not be common.

2. For me, families are by far the hardest part. The actual death of a patient doesn't bother me. For them, it's over. Whatever your belief system, they are no longer in pain, no longer have fear, no longer have suffering. For the families, though, it's just begining. A family's grief kills me each time. You know what, though? I know how to deal with that... emotion, anger, saddness, loss. They're all emotions we've dealt with in the past. Now, if you're not an empathetic person, that could be a barrier, but most of the time all that's needed is your presence, tissue, and you nodding your head. Maybe the occasional, "She must have been a beautiful person to have impacted you this way..." It's still not fun or easy, but it's not the worst you'll deal with either.

3. Everyone dies sometime. The only differences are how soon and how well. We try to prevent too soon, and make it the best death it can be. That's all we can do... the rest is out of our hands. Know that and it can take a lot of the fear out.

Music in My Heart · Jul 9, 2008

It is normal to think about, have compassion for, and even grieve with a family who's lost a loved one. It's not normal to let that "run away with you."

It is normal to look at a dying child and envision your own child there. It's not normal for that thought to persist and blossom and continually intrude once the event has passed.

It's normal to see a dying mother of your same age and to reflect on what would happen to your kids if you passed. It's not normal to fixate on your own mortality and "what if".

It's normal to become aware of your own somatic senses and consider whether you might have symptoms of a disease which you just saw claim another person. It's not normal to continually dwell on such matters, particularly if you don't have other symptoms or a doctor tells you that you're fine.

Like rn/writer, I would encourage you to explore this and try to get a handle on it, regardless of what you decide in terms of a career.

While I agree that going into nursing MIGHT help desensitize you and help you overcome this pattern of thinking, I also think that it could set you up for major depression, PTSD, and/or anxiety disorder.

Personally, I would encourage you to spend some time exploring your thoughts and feelings with a therapist BEFORE you make a decision about nursing.

uscstu4lfe · Jul 9, 2008

Yesterday I had a patient die on me. It was completely unexpected and sudden. He wasn't old, and he wasn't in the hospital for something that's considered overly serious. In fact, he was going to be discharged home that day. He asked me to help me sit in his chair, and I did. I turned away to straighten up his side table, and I heard abnormally silence (nurses, you know what silence I'm talking about!). So I look back at him (not really expecting to find anything abnormal), and he was turning pale, had that blank, death stare on his face, and had really weird breathing. I yelled for help, we put him back on his bed, and he stopped breathing completely. I called a code and after the team worked on him for about 40 minutes, we pronounced him dead. So after that, I had to do most of the post-mortum care and transfer him to the morgue. All of this didn't really bother me (I don't know why though). Now the REALLY tough side of the story. His mother had been at his bedside practically the entire time. Before all of this happen, she said she was going to run down to the cafeteria to grab some breakfast but she would be right back. She left, he coded 10 minutes later, and when she came back we were doing chest compressions. Anyway, I have no idea where I'm going with this... but for me, the really tough part of nursing is seeing the family grieve after a patient dies. It's not so much the death of the patient that bothers me, but the sadness the family goes through after the patient dies that does