Please don't just assume I am not taking responsibility...

[Granuaile]

I am going through a rough time. I have recently been, I whole-heartedly believe, sabotaged by one of my nursing instructors. I received good grades the first quarter, and so far had been getting good grades this (second) quarter. Then I had instructor "X" for clinicals. I believe she was unduly hard on me, and graded me much lower than my peers for comparable performance. As well, I had notified the school and my instructors that I have learning deficits (which I was tested a couple years ago and found that I have deficits in processing which affects reading, visual processing, word retrieval, and organization) and ADHD. I am taking medication for the ADHD, which helps tremendously, but is not a cure. My instructor immediately put me on contract for first-time mistakes (that were made day 1 and 2 of clinicals, second quarter of an LPN program in Washington state) that my classmates had made but not been marked down for, made me re-write an assignment and turn it in the same day that another huge paper was due (plus we had two exams in two days that everyone was stressed out studying for), and gave me an extremely low grade on my paper for what she called "formatting errors..." Well, I tried to talk to her, then talked to the dean, then we had a meeting with her, the dean, and the disability services coordinator at my school, and lots of other communication occurred. She ultimately failed me from clinicals for things that occurred in the first three days (that, again, my classmates did some of the same types of things but did not get marked down or certainly put on contract or failed for). Because this class, clinicals, is linked to two other classes, I had no choice but to withdraw from the theory and skills classes, even though I was doing very well in both.

It has been two weeks since I asked her to provide me in writing the reasons she failed me and she has yet to do so, though somehow she was able to make a case to the dean and the director (who is her friend, according to my classmates and other instructors) as to why she thought I deserved to be failed. Emotionally I have been so strained by this school situation that it makes everything seem so much more bleak. I am in the process of making a formal complaint and will probably file a lawsuit. I was even on scholarship in addition to financial aid, and I am completely broke and have no way to pay back that money, let alone pay for tuition at another school. The school claims to be supportive of it's students, but I know without a doubt that if this instructor were human, she would not have gone to such lengths to fail me. I'm hoping to transfer to another school soon - I have two appointments this week with two different nursing programs, but something has to be done about this woman. I miss my classmates, my other instructors, and I know I am not the only one who has gone through this type of thing. I wish I could know what other people have done when they have been in a similar situation. I'm going to fight this, not just for myself, but for past, current, and future students whom I know she has or will do this to again. Instructor "X" is a bully, and cares more about power and control than she does teaching or being any kind of role model. It saddens my heart but I do remember that there is still so much to be thankful for.

The above was a blog I posted elsewhere. It is so difficult to have perspective because I only have the experience of this nursing school, as do the other students I've spoken with. The mistakes I made were: not reporting wheezing breath sounds or a distended abdomen to my instructor (which were first time errors, and both symptoms were well documented in the patient's chart), and not seeing for myself how many mL's fluid the pt. drank at lunch, so that I had to ask the pt., which I did, and the pt. was able to tell me what he drank. The mistakes I made on my clinical daily sheets were that I arranged my assessment information by body region, rather than system, and in the "MD to nurse orders," I put the pt's. actual BP instead of the order for when to take it, and the actual I&O's instead of the order for when to monitor the pt's. I&O's. My instructor gave me a 1.5 for this paper, though she said the information in it was well done. My classmate got a 3.5 from this same instructor for the same paper, though she left out the entire section of "Lab values and explanations of abnormal lab values." I am not usually one to blame others for negative consequences that I incur. While my classmates had many negative things to say about this instructor before this all happened, I told them that I really did not want to focus on the negative, that sure, she was tough but I didn't like to talk badly about others. I still don't have anything "against" her...but I can't excuse what has occurred.

I am wondering if anyone, instructors and students alike, can give me some feedback. I know that you only know part of the story; it would take pages to include it all. I suppose if you have any questions feel free to ask.

I would be very appreciative of any thoughtful, objective feedback anyone may have.

[Granuaile, ASN, RN]

Update ~

Well, it's impossible to describe all that happened in the past year, but I wanted to provide a little update...I went through the school's formal complaint process last year, which took several months. It went all the way to the VP of Instruction. She reviewed the case file and met with the Dean (he had not been supportive of me and had acted in an unprofessional, condescending manner toward me, so I can't be sure how that meeting went with him), and then decided that there was "no just cause" for discrimination on the basis of my learning deficits and ADHD. Without actually conducting an investigation to substantiate my claims, I would not expect a different outcome; an investigation was not done according to her written response to me. She did, however, make several recommendations to the nursing program at my school, including a revision and clarification of the LPN Program Student Handbook, and training for the faculty in the instruction of students with learning disabilities and/or ADHD.

I applied for and was accepted for advanced placement back into the program, and am nearing the end of second quarter (I was failed from clinicals at four weeks during second quarter last year). I have been doing well and had a wonderful experience in clinicals. It's been a little hard to see all of the things that I nor my classmates have not been marked down for (that I was significantly and disproportionately marked down for the last time around). But, I have re-entered the program with a fresh start, and know that even though I may never have received the formal acknowledgement from the school of the discrimination that took place, I did everything I could within reason to stand up for myself. I have chosen not to take legal action because I simply don't have the money to do so, and it seems that the program has gone through many positive changes which was one of my main motivations for speaking out about what happened to me. The instructor who discriminated against me resigned last minute, leaving the new director with two weeks to find a full-time replacement instructor. The former interim director (who also taught a couple nursing classes), known to be friends with this instructor, went on an extended leave. The new director has an open door policy and is very approachable; she listens to the students, and every time I've walked by her office, she is meeting with a student or potential student. The former interim director was known for not having time to meet with students; in fact, she gave my instructor green lights the whole way with me, though she did not respond to any of my attempts to communicate with her while the situation was occurring.

None of this process has been easy, but it is my hope that my story, even though I have only shared part of it, can give another nursing student hope. Bottom line; nursing school is hard and requires a very high-level of personal responsibility. But, things that shouldn't happen still do, and I believe that if we don't take steps to speak out when things like discrimination occur, we can't expect anything to change.

[caliotter3]

Whether you are 100% right or wrong or somewhere in between, it remains that the school has the power in this situation. You can go to the student grievance committee and address your concerns and you can consult an attorney, but your efforts will most likely be futile. That is only stating a fact of life. My class had a student who proceeded with a lawsuit but we never saw or heard from her again. That is usually what happens. Yes, I am trying to discourage you from wasting, time, energy, money in fighting the system. It is better to figure out what you have to do to get through this. Perhaps, you need to go to another school. Maybe you can work something out to get away from this instructor. I don't know. Wishing you the best in this and hope that you can continue through until graduation.

[Granuaile, ASN, RN]

Hmmmn...I'm a little confused, did you read my last post (#12)? I did not say anything about fighting the system currently or in the future - I went through that process last year and it had ultimately a positive outcome. I thought I conveyed that in my last post.

[caliotter3]

Sorry, was making a generalized response after reading the first few posts and not going through the entire thread. My point is that it is almost always a lost cause to fight the school. No one I know who has got on a school's bad side has ever come out ahead. Glad you were able to resolve this favorably. You are one of the rare ones. Good luck with the rest of your program. And glad to hear that the instructor is gone.

[chevyv, BSN, RN]

I'm happy to read all is going well. It sounded like you had good cause with the disability part. I too have a disability (ortho) and have had instructors question me. I keep it very simple and they get the hint that I won't be discussing it with them and I expect to be treated just like everyone else. I do let them know that I'll be parking in disabled parking at clinical and that's when they start to question me. I even had one ask if my disablility interferes with me being a nurse! Hello, if it did, I would have gone into something else!

Good luck and keep standing up for yourself! We have to do this in order to make it in this world. I applaud you!!

[goodstudentnowRN]

I am so sorry for what happened to you. I know about these instructors who always wants to prove a point. I have been there and live to see they threw that instructor out of the school like a piece of trash! An instructor like that feels good to be validated at school because mo one regard her at home. This is the case with most of those self-centered instructors I have known so far. The school will do nothing about her until she causes it greater embarrassment. I remember what a particular druggie instructor did to me. It seems like yesterday. I left the school but I did not stop writing about her until she was terminated.

[AOx1]

My feedback as a nursing instructor:

Consider filling out your exit interviews if they do them when you leave the program. It can provide valuable feedback, and it sounds as if they are making changes.

Also, for future, although it's too late for this instance:

In your previous posts, it seemed as if you were mainly focused on the instructor (bully, sabotage, etc) and the other students who made mistakes. We all know it's really hard to accept criticism, whether it's just or unjust. It does sound as if you know you made a few mistakes, but if your discussion focused mainly on others (the teacher, the other students) it may have come across to those you spoke with that you were not accepting responsibility. Can't say though, since I didn't hear the conversation of course, but I am always really impressed when a student accepts criticism, and comes up with a good plan to remedy the situation. Glad you were able to work out a solution and continue your education.

[Granuaile, ASN, RN]

LiveToLearn, Thank you for your post. You point out something that I agree is very important. The extent of meetings and letters that I wrote were far too much to describe here, of course, but in the meetings and correspondence I did take great care to fully acknowledge my part in the situation. When I first posted this thread in Feb. of last year, I was still in shock and devastation and my language reflected that. I regret using emotional language on my initial post (in Feb. 2008), as it probably sent the wrong message and presented me in a less than believable light. I wish I could post every email, letter, etc. that transpired...because I never really expected anyone to believe that I wasn't just being a sore loser. Of course that is not realistic nor would anyone be interested in reading though all of that! I guess that's the risk I took posting part of a very difficult story, is that nobody on this site knows me and plenty of people will automatically dismiss me. I have truly never experienced anything like what I went through last year. Well, not true - I have had abusive boyfriends in the past, and had an abusive supervisor when I was 20 (the director of that organization and a seasoned co-worker pointed that out to me and helped me to confront him). So, in a personal growth sense, the experience helped me to deal with those kind of people.

A little tangent that I want to share - whomever reads this thread, I hope and pray that they set aside their doubts and realize that this sort of thing does happen. I have always had a deep respect for my instructors and teachers. When I was growing up, school was respite from life at home, and I loved my teachers. That has never really changed. Of course, in college, things are different, but hopefully it kind of shows that I am not quick to criticize teachers and instructors. Something really wrong has to happen. Anyways, I am not only a detail oriented person, but a big picture person, and it is my wish, as I stated before, that in the big picture my sharing what I have can help others and bring to light an issue that can and does occur.

Yes, I am fortunate to be back in school, in more ways than one.

[AOx1]

Papillonailes- my own little tangent here. My spouse also grew up in a verbally abusive home and found "Dealing with the crazymakers in your life: setting boundaries on unhealthy relationships" and "Difficult conversations: how to discuss what matters most" to be very helpful in a professional and personal setting. After learning to associate all conflict with negative experiences, these books were helpful in dealing with those difficult people you seem to encounter often in nursing- angry families, docs, coworkers, etc in a less stressful manner.

I absolutely believe that these things can and do happen- been there, done that as a student. You know what? It motivated me to learn to become the instructor I wanted to become. I hope your difficulties will help you in being the nurse you want to become. You may find that it happened for a reason- you might be the one person who can reach a student some day who has not had any encouragement.