Please help me i am applying to nursing school and need advice on my personal essay

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"Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad." This quote is relevant to the journey I went through in the process of obtaining my associates of pre nursing. The road was long, at times rough, and full of discovery. I had come from a home where abuse from my mother was prevelant after time went on the abuse went from scars on my body as a young child to scars within my heart as an adult. Words such as "you will never make it" , " you think one day you could call yourself a nurse", and "I will watch you fall" were constant reminders in the back of my head. The abuse was daily and each day came with new words of hatred.

I began my journey my senior year of high school as a running start student where if you had passed the college entrance exam you could take classes at the local community college and earn dual credits. I had managed at the age of 17 how to handle college course load, high school courseload, and a full time position. Things had gotten more difficult as I entered college my second year right after high school. My mom had gotten into more fits of rage and continued the abuse that I had endured previously. The verbal harassment came along with times of physical abuse as well.Unfortunately this led to a downfall in my performance seen within my transcripts. I had been stripped away of every ounce of confidence, most happiness, and the hope within myself as this person brought me down. I had experienced anxiety attacks one in particular that had led me to the ER. The doctor questioned me many times before getting the truth behind my anxiety and led me to what I would consider my angel. I had a followup appointment with my doctor whom after counseling sessions, a few refferals, words of encouragement, and support had helped me to achieve this confidence I thought had been lost forever. The nurses were so supportive, caring, kind, thoughtful and told me to never give up within my dreams and how to overcome this time in my life. Just when I had thought about giving up on my dream as a nurse these men and women reassured me on everything nursing stood for and how I could help others the same way they had helped me.

With this new found confidence I took charge and decided to make a change in this cycle. I separated myself from the hateful situation. I had retaken classes that I had not done well in and excelled. I took a position 45 minutes away from my home as a health information management representative within a medical clinic to gain experience within the hospital and have learned vast amounts of information. I had received my certified nursing assistant certification, as well as my H.I.V/AIDS training, and CPR certification. I am soon to start volunteering at a hospital affiliated with my workplace to gain even more experience in a different department of the hospital. I have completed extra credits not needed for my degree to become more knowledgable and prepare me more for the field of nursing. I have discovered through this long journey that although nursing schools are competitive and at times we believe schools wants us to be the "perfect" student with no hardships it is the hardships that will make us greater nurses. I have become confident, personable, caring, and will be able to relate to many people who have gone through the same abuse I have. My ultimate goal after obtaining my BSN is to join the United States Air Force and become a nurse as well as fight for our country. I would like to support soldiers who would have gone through the same abuse as well as their families. Where many would have given up and stopped school I made a difference in my life, fought on, and continued and strived for excellence. Without the nurses and staff at the hospital whom had helped me so much I would have given up on my dream forever. This school I believe will be able to make me carry on my goals and become the best nurse I could be. I am proud of the difference in my life and am confident in what I could bring the the nursing community. Thank you

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Specializes in Neuroscience.

I am giving you my honest opinion and it may not be right for you. I am sorry in advance if I offend.

Honestly, this letter is too personal. Take out everything concerning abuse, it's information that they don't need to know, and it feels as though you are going for pity to help get you in the school. As for your grades, explain that hardships at home led to a poorer than normal semester, and continue with where you re-took the classes, the certifications, and why you want to be a nurse.

Explain your previous hospitalization by just stating "I had the misfortune of being in the hospital, but fortunate enough to have kind and caring nurses..." and continue.

They want to know why you want to be a nurse and while some of your previous (unfortunate) experiences have led you to this profession, it is too much information in a letter.

Other than that, you write very well!

On a more personal note, I am sorry that you went through the abuse, and I hope you are out of that situation. Best of luck to you!

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This was way too long for me to read. I am online lazy. I skimmed though, and I am amazed at the parts I read.

Good luck to you

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Thank you I needed honestly and I wanted to write from my heart but didn't want to offend the board ! But thank you so do y recommend explaining the hardship more mildly and the hospitalization in less detail ? And is the last paragraph about the improvements I made we'll thank you a lot for the help because I have no idea what I'm doing ! As we'll as the beginning quote should that be removed ?

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it is very long and also ...a sob story. I mean no offense in any way. I've suffered abuse as well, but I wouldn't write this much detail. I am no professional and I've only just begun to write my personal statement essay, but I would not write it like that. That is just my personal opinion. You could briefly mention it, but it seems to be the focus of the essay. Also, it's so long, I didn't read the entire thing. 1-2 pages max.

PS. I scanned the last paragraph. You wrote how you overcame it pretty well. I liked that part.

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I also feel that this essay is kind of like a sob story. did the CON give you a prompt to follow? I remember for my personal statement (about a few months ago) my personal statement prompt had three questions that i had to follow. (1) what motivates you to pursue nursing (2) based on the rigor of this program what are your plans for success (3) list any volunteer,healthcare experience that are relevant to nursing.

Your personal statement should reflect on why you want to be a nurse. All I have gathered from reading your statement is that you have a hard life, low self esteem, etc. I have those too. lol. but really why do you want to be a nurse? why did you choose this particular school? Some tips I can give you is to try to stay away from "I want to help people" (everyone writes that).does the nursing program have a philosophy statement? include that in your essay(shows that you are interested). Also I think you doveinto details that are kind of irrelevant. You have to realize that these people are reading through hundreds of essays and smell of old day coffee lol. Find a way to make yourself stand out.

good luck with admissions. :)

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I also feel that this essay is kind of like a sob story. did the CON give you a prompt to follow? I remember for my personal statement (about a few months ago) my personal statement prompt had three questions that i had to follow. (1) what motivates you to pursue nursing (2) based on the rigor of this program what are your plans for success (3) list any volunteer,healthcare experience that are relevant to nursing.

Your personal statement should reflect on why you want to be a nurse. All I have gathered from reading your statement is that you have a hard life, low self esteem, etc. I have those too. lol. but really why do you want to be a nurse? why did you choose this particular school? Some tips I can give you is to try to stay away from "I want to help people" (everyone writes that).does the nursing program have a philosophy statement? include that in your essay(shows that you are interested). Also I think you doveinto details that are kind of irrelevant. You have to realize that these people are reading through hundreds of essays and smell of old day coffee lol. Find a way to make yourself stand out.

good luck with admissions. :)

Were you already accepted in to a nursing program if you don't mind my asking?

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Specializes in Neuroscience.

Take out the first quote, get it down to about a page, page and a half, and repost it when you're finished. Give us a chance to check out your second draft :)

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Were you already accepted in to a nursing program if you don't mind my asking?

I was an alternate because of my cumulative gpa (3.68) at the time. But brought it up to a 3.72 and was accepted on my second application.

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I have not been accepted no im incredibly nervous because of having to retake the classes for example when this rough time happened I had recieved a 1.0 first round of A and P I retook it and recieved a 3.9! same thing with microbio I had recieved a 1.7 first time then recieved a 3.2 after retaking it so this whole situation had a big part in my success but I do not know how to convey it without sounding desperate or like a pity party you know? I appreciate all the advice though! Do you think beggining with a quote is a good idea?

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I started my essay with exactly how I felt. I didn't start with a quote because I wanted to get straight to the point.They have hundred of essays to read and I just wanted to convey my message right away. There's no telling if they will read all the way to the second or third paragraph. I would encourage you to write from the heart; if you feel a quote helps convey your message go ahead and do that. Also utilize your resources, does the school offer a writing center? I went to my writing center twice a week for a whole semester. I got a lot of feedback.

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Na-na, I'm working on my essay this weekend. Do you mind if I PM you?

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