Petrified when handling residents that expire...

snoopy29 · Feb 13, 2010

OK first and most importantly you are not alone in how you feel. So many nurses struggle with caring for patients that have died. It doesn't make them bad nurses or uncaring nurses in any way - in fact they are often the MOST caring nurses. We live in a society that makes dying a very secret taboo thing and it is only in the minority of cultures that we are exposed to death when we are children.

Dead patients look different and that's a fact we all accept. If I have a nurse that is struggling to deal with caring for dying or deceased patients I first of all try to find out why. Some are scared of death and some like find the images disturbing.

I find the act of caring for the dead really important and always remind myself that this is the last thing I can do for a patient. If I had a nurse who had some wobbles I would make sure they where never alone and do the care with them. Practical tips like a pillow under the jaw and gauze on the eyelids help. Every one gets used to caring for the dying at a different speed don't beat yourself up. Find a sympathetic understanding ear and I promise you that the way of conquering this is to continue to face it.

Good for you to continue despite the feelings this evokes for you :)

helikias · Feb 14, 2010

I think this is a normal reaction; likely evolutionary in origin. Probably it will get better with time/exposure. I would be more worried if it DIDN'T bother you! Good luck.

CountyRat · Feb 17, 2010

The way you feel does not make you a "bad nurse." Your feelings are normal, and much more common than you may think. It will get easier, but the feelings will always be there. You won't get used to it, but you will find within yourself the means to care for the patient in spite of the feelings. Be patient, and gentle with yourself.

AngelfireRN, MSN, RN, APRN · Feb 17, 2010

You're not alone. Used to freak me out too. I chalked it up to too many horror flicks, and it did get better with time. I have had CNAs helping me that were so scared it wasn't funny, and I never made them stay in the room. One poor girl was putting on her brave face, bless her, when I went to take a Tegaderm off, and the skin was so elastic, it was rising with the tape. Not tearing, just like you'd pinch when you check turgor.

I hear this whimper behind me, turn to either comfort her or tell her she can go if she needs to, and was just in time to catch her. Passed out cold. Poor girl.

So like I told her later, it's just a person, or what's left of them. They can not see you or hear you anymore, and you can not hurt them. And even if the newly departed are hovering and watching the ministrations and you fall out or goof (drip blood on them, etc.), remember that they were human, too. They made mistakes, and I'm sure there were things that they were scared of as well.

Seemed to help her at the time.

You'll get there. It comes with time.

cjroan · Feb 17, 2010

When in Nursing School, I knew that this would be an issue for me. I am Christian and went back to Church. Addressing my beliefs and faith in God is so helpful when considering death. In clinicals, I did chest compressions in an ER on a patient that had passed. Afterwards, I assisted with the shroud and ice on her face for possible donation. When I was alone with her, I held her hand and said a prayer for her. Everyone has different beliefs, but my faith will assist me with this. That is the only pt. I have seen after they died. I am a grad nurse, so I'm sure there will be times when death does upset me. But I will work thru it with Gods help and you will work thru it in your way. I can tell you are a very caring person.

DirtyBlackSocks · Feb 17, 2010

My aunt, who is now an NP and has almost 40 years under her belt, had this problem when she first started.

She ended up going to watch autopsy's done, she said at first it was very hard but in the end it helped her realize the bodies are no longer real people.

She also lives in a very small town, so knowing the right people got her in to watch these. I don't know if there are programs that let you do it or not...

MochaRN424, ASN · Feb 17, 2010

Hi I can remember when I had to provide post mortem care to a patient when I was in school. I remember the woman and I can remember the smell in that room as well. I remember very clearly how her eyes looked because they were open and looked like it had a film over it. I was very uncomfortable too so for me all I could do was pray within myself and ask God to help me get through it. I was chosen by my preceptor to assist the nurse in getting the body prepared. I asked later why I was chosen (the patient was not my patient). She expressed to me that she knew that I could do it and she also knew that I would treat that patient with respect and dignity. This always even until this day has stuck with me. Its not easy but it taught me something about myself...that I can do things even if it is difficult and challenging. That is one of the reasons why I couldn't continue in Womens surgical oncology...the patients with cancer would pass away on the floor and it would really bother me because these women had so much to live for and to see them loose their lives in this manner was too much for me to deal with ...and I had to do this while I was pregnant at the time. All I can say is prayer is what helped me perhaps its something you can do to help you get through. Until then I hope you will be able to go where you desire to go in your career.

jpsr · Feb 17, 2010

At one time I had difficulty dealing with my feelings about death. I felt really sad when a patient died, but one day when I was checking a patient after a death--feeling terrible about it, I had an image come into my mind. I saw the person happily dancing in a field of daisies. There was no more pain or suffering. In my mind, the person was just happily dancing and running in a large field of daisies. The thought only lasted for a couple of seconds, but it helped me get through the death and what I had to do. Today I still feel a loss, but the thought of being set free has helped. That was the only time I imagined the field of daisies, but it changed my entire preception of death. I still do what I can to comfort dying patients, but when it happens I can at least feel that it is not just about me and my feelings. Perhaps find your own image of life after death. It doesn't have to be religious or even a field of daisies, but it might help you get through the process. It may become less scary. My vision helped me a lot.

RetiredTooSoon · Feb 17, 2010

It's not easy, for sure. Sometimes death does look ugly. The towel trick works for the chin; sometimes 'petting' the eyelids from the top while gently pulling up the lid below can help close them. Gently lubricating the eye may also help.

I worked in tissue procurement and saw all kinds of death-peaceful, tragic, beautiful, ugly. I found over time I was able to guard my heart against the not so nice ones, but I can't tell you exactly how it happened-it just did with time and maturity...and more than a few death calls.

I still found that I had an unsettled feeling after every case that stuck with me until I knew the person's funeral had been held-I guess in a way, I needed to know they had been returned to their loved ones and given the appropriate good-byes.

OhioMTCRN07 · Feb 17, 2010

When I read your message, I went directly to reply saying to myself, "I get that." :redbeathe My heart goes out to you. I think that if we forget that these are someone's loved one who passed on, we should not be in nursing. It appears that you are keenly aware of that aspect. That said, your phobia seems to be out of the bounds of "normal" and I would suggest perhaps some counseling to alleviate the intensity of your feelings. While doing postmortum care should never become "routine" (each patient deserves the respect and dignity we can give during the procedure), it should not be as devastating as you describe. I can recall ever single patient who died on my watch and whose care I participated in. I cannot, however, recall names but their faces are etched in my memory. What I am trying to say is that death is a normal part of life. As nurses, we need to realize this and put it in perspective while still maintaining our ethical standards. I don't think you remembering is a problem but the intensity of it appears to be elevated. I wish I had more to offer you but I think one deals with death on an individual basis, whether a nurse or not. I wonder if you have a phobia about your own death or doubts about what eternity holds? While I don't want to make this a reilgious thread, I think we need to know how we feel about death in order to put it in perspective. I also feel that body fluids are body fluids whether from a patient who has just passed away or a patient in need of our care while living. I hope I have offered some advice that will benefit you.

Greypoupon · Feb 18, 2010

When someone dies, whoever cleans them up, they inhabit their soul and torment them for the rest of their days. The way they make your soul their home is through their gaping eyes and open mouth. Sweet dreams :)

But seriously, if you cannot deal with it, then work in a different area imo. Dealing with a phobia of death is a bit more complex than dealing with a fear of snakes or spiders, or even closed spaces.

Patricia1101 · Feb 18, 2010

When someone dies, whoever cleans them up, they inhabit their soul and torment them for the rest of their days. The way they make your soul their home is through their gaping eyes and open mouth. Sweet dreams :)
But seriously, if you cannot deal with it, then work in a different area imo. Dealing with a phobia of death is a bit more complex than dealing with a fear of snakes or spiders, or even closed spaces.

:eek:Not cool,man, not cool......funny, but not cool.