Perfectionist? Nervous Nilly? Worrier?

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I am going into my second year nursing school in a few weeks. For the summer, I wanted to get a CNA job to practice skills and get more comfortable with patients. My CNA certificate arrived two weeks ago, not alot of time to get a summer job. I applied at a local LTC facility and got the job immediately (short staffed). I worked for 3 days before I quit.

I was given orientation for the first three days, by working side-by-side with an experienced CNA. I took many notes on patient preferences and routines. I wanted to be very prepared and helpful.

I found myself not sleeping through the night, rather I was running scenarios through my head about "what if's" and how I could better organize myself to accomplish the careplan items and get the residents to/from meals and showers, etc. Worried about bed alarms, tab alarms, are they on? did I forget? Diabetic? Aspiration risk? Fall risk? etc. etc. I also couldn't eat, I knew I had to have something to eat to keep my strength up, but could only eat a couple bites of food--whether at home or during my 30 lunch break. I cried on my lunch break:bluecry1:, watching the clock so I could try to stop in time to dry my eyes up before returning to work.

I was only 3 days into work, normally an adjustment period for everyone, but I was paniking about how I would be able to do everything during my shift, and do it well and initial off that everything was complete.

I was about to do my final day of orientation on day 4 and I choked. I was having a really hard time getting out of bed, and motivated to get to work. I was basically scared that I wouldn't be able to do transfers properly and I didn't know all the residents yet, and they didn't have ID bands or names on their wheelchairs. I called the DON and quit.

The staff was good, pleasant, the residents were okay. They were definitely short staffed and use agency CNA's alot. I would have been able to make a difference, over time, I know. What's wrong with me?

Will I still make a good nurse? I have been told I over analyze, and that I think too much and that I need to 'back up a bit'. Is there someone who can identify with me? I'm scaring my husband:eek:, because of the schooling that I have done so far, he's worried that I'll finish school and not be able to do the work.

I think I will be fine after graduation, especially because nursing has so many options, or so I have been told.

Advice? Comments?:cry:

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Hi,

It sounds to me what you are feeling is anxiety and you are having panic attacks. Try to relax ... but if you can't you might want to take Xanax to help you with the anxiety until you become comfortable on your own with your job.

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Specializes in CVICU, Burns, Trauma, BMT, Infection control.

Most nurses are "perfectionist types" but you have to show up to do the work to learn how. I was a nervous wreck during nursing school and all but I found that my work as a na really complemented Nursing school and made sense so that transitioning as a nurse was much easier.

I would think about seeing a therapist if I were you just to talk about your issues and maybe see about some meds. A lot of nurses I know are on paxil and such.

Also no one expects for you to know all that. That's what orientation is for and what buddying is for. Wherever you work next see what's the longest they can orient you and if you're not feeling ready to come off orientation go to your Charge nurse/Nurse administrator to talk to her. You problems are common. Quitting someplace like that is never a good idea.

:heartbeat:redbeathe

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you ae nt the first person this has happen to so don't make a sudden decision to drop out of nursing

if yo feel like this is going to affect your career go ahead a shift your major but off hand i would hang in there

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Specializes in CVICU, Burns, Trauma, BMT, Infection control.

Also OregonGal I can identify with how you are reacting to stress(not sleeping,trouble eating and so on). With a lot of people it's just learning how to deal with stress by: exercising,whatever hobby you have,however you relax best because nursing(as you already know) is a stressful career,some types of nursing are less stressful than others. I would stay in it if I were you,maybe see a therapist(I do)figure out better ways of coping with stress,reach out(you did here) and see what you think.

OK?:up:

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Specializes in med surg, telemetry, stroke.

Dear Oregon Gal,

Please hang in there, you are compassionate and care for people and will be a great nurse. I too suffer from anxiety, panic attacks and have the same trouble trying to do everything perfect as you. I am 50, an LVN for 2 l/2 years going into my 3rd semester to get my RN. I have considered going on a medication to help with anxiety but have not done it yet. Alot of nurses have to do that. It is stressful, no doubt. I work tele med/surg and have so many patients, plus am still going through menopause which doesn't help with the stress. Do what you need to do and take care of yourself. Good luck to you.:yeah::nurse:

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I'm open to the idea of an anti-anxiety med, but concerned it would affect my ability to think (which is a catch-22).

I fully plan to finish school, but as you may have guessed, clinicals are a bit stressful, too. I get through okay, but I spend a bit of time on the toilet with diarrhea before clinical. As soon as I am working with my patients, and not thinking about myself, then I'm good. I usually worry about "all things that can possibly happen good & bad". I consider it a way to be prepared, but it also takes over every aspect. I find that not everyone thinks that way, and others seem more relaxed than I. I do have a good "poker face" and don't let how I'm feeling show, its mostly internal.

How I've tried to de-stress is by putting in a DVD that is rated "G", with no sad or scary parts that may start me crying. Doesn't that sound so pathetic? But when I'm stressed, I need a distractor that doesn't make me worse. This week I watched The Music Man, Holiday Inn, and White Christmas, with Bing Crosby. I stayed away from the traditional 'chick flicks'.

Thank you for your comments and advice, I appreciate it. :heartbeat

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Specializes in Geriatrics.

I highly recommend going to a pyschiatrist and also a therapist. The psychiatrist will give you medication to help alleviate the anxiety. The therapist would help you learn how to cope more effectively. Don't worry about going; I have both a psychiatrist and a therapist. It is nice to be able to talk to people who understand as well.

If you are this nervous going into nursing, I'm afraid for you that being a charge nurse, shift supervisor, what have you, will do you in without some help. Don't be afraid to ask for help either.

Just my 2 cents...

Blessings, Michelle

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Specializes in CVICU, Burns, Trauma, BMT, Infection control.

I watched Scrubs to destress,I totally can relate to the need for G rating thing. I watch old movies too,whatever works,you're really kind of hard on yourself you know. Would you let anyone talk to your best friend that way?

I'm completely "high strung" I practically lived in the bathroom during nursing school,lost weight and everything. If I could go back and do it over the only thing I would do differently would be to have more interests and get out more and try not to worry too much.(Easier said than done,I know). You might find a type of nursing during your clinicals that just grabs your interest so much that you forget to be nervous. That's what happened to me. I started in such a great unit with such helpful people that even though it was busy as all get out I felt supported and it was a good experience.

Try to get a balanced diet,eat whole grains and exercise(can't stop being a nurse for a minute) Relax :balloons::balloons::balloons::flwrhrts: :stdnrsrck:

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OreganGal, I think I may have just read the story of my life! I haven't been accepted into any programs yet, but I have the same reactions you do to going to my prereq classes, taking the NET, etc. I see a therapist and that helps a lot...they can help you to determine what is "rational" nervousness and what is not so that you can help yourself to turn off the obsessive anxiety and racing thoughts. Hang in there, you're going to be a great nurse! It's better to care too much than too little...just try to take care of yourself. You can do this!:yeah:

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I think some of what you're feeling is normal. I'm a bit of a perfectionist, too, and had my first CNA job in an LTC facility this summer. (I'll be a junior in a 4 year nursing program). Until I got used to the residents, the "flow" of the shift, and even the other aides/nurses, I definitely felt quite stressed and flustered at times (and then, of course, embarrassed that I felt this way). Luckily, I think that I'm someone who can generally push through these feelings and "fake" confidence until I truly have it (or just keep faking it in situations where I don't...LOL), but I had some of the same worries. What if the the lady with Parkinson's and who is a fall risk trips somehow while I'm leading her to the bathroom? What if the extremely cranky resident screams at me for the entire 45 mins. I'm getting her ready for bed? What if the nurse thinks I'm a slow or stupid aide? Also had a few worries about the alarms...

Now, my feelings were never as extreme as yours, but after a while I developed a few strategies to help deal with the worries I had. Regarding being unsure of things, just ASK someone! Most experienced aides/nurses really don't mind a question ("Does Mr. X have a bed alarm or just a chair alarm?"). And really, what's the worst they can do, be a little miffed that answering took 2 seconds of their precious time? :lol2: I'm one of those people who sometimes (irrationally) worries that asking a question will make them look incompetent, but I started asking myself, "Is it easier to choke out a quick question or explain/deal with a fall or other incident?"

About the feelings of worry that something will go wrong? I think my mom gave me the best advice. She said (like she's said about other things) to take POSITIVE steps (make sure you follow procedures, ask for help if a "little voice" is telling you something isn't quite right, etc.) and worry about ONE thing at a time. I've found that being glad that the shift is going well RIGHT then rather than instantly saying to myself, "Oh, am I 2 minutes behind? Am I too slow?" helps the feelings of worry.

Last but not least, try to develop a procedure to prevent feelings about work from occupying your mind constantly. I made a little rule for myself regarding the rough shifts I would sometimes have-I was allowed to stew over whatever for my 15 min. drive home, but as soon as I stepped in my house (I worked second shift) I was to take the time to relax/recharge/FORGET! I always took a hot bath and read a fun book before bed-I really enjoyed the ritual.

Remember, if you work in another facility-once you get the routine and "learn" the residents a little, you will look back and be amazed at how well you can actually do the job :yeah:

Good luck...and don't be afraid to seek counseling if your worries don't diminish. Life's too short to be miserable!

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Specializes in Tele Step Down, Oncology, ICU, Med/Surg.

Sweetheart: My heart goes out to you. My own husband suffered with untreated anxiety all through his 20's and it had a profound impact on our relationship. I believe you may be experiencing abnormal levels of stress leading to quality of life issues. Stress in life is necessary; undue suffering is optional. I am a worrywart and a perfectionist and found CNA work and clinicals stressful, but not to the point it disrupted my life plans.

Please don't continue to live this way. Please go talk to your regular doctor right away. I believe going to someone you are familiar with rather than trying to find a new provider will encourage you to take this first step. Often, your primary doctor can recommend alternative therapies and help you obtain the drugs you may need. The meds don't cloud your thinking as much as they may take awhile to get used to and they often involve a lot of trail and error.

Many blessings on your journey.

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