3 1/2 y/o daughter won't potty......please give advice.

J Lynn · Jul 20, 2004

Just wanted to let everyone know that my daughter pee'd in the big potty twice yesterday and twice today! She had on panties all day (as usual), had some accidents thoughout the day (as usual), then yesterday evening, she came up to me and said "poo poo" (which means pee pee to her). We went to the potty in a hurry and she suddenly didn't want to sit, so I put her on it anyway and squatted down in front of her........well, being she was upset that I took charge of her, she slapped me clear across the face, so I slapped her hand (didn't hurt her, just her feelings). She cried enough to let go her resistence to pee and her mood changed to laughter when she noticed she was peeing. Me, my husband, and my oldest daughter where jumping up and down and she thought that was the greatest thing. She wanted to keep going back and of course I would bring her b/c I'm not going to deny her the bathroom.

Thanks to everyone who gave me advice and encouragment. She may be potty trained by Aug 23 to go to school for sure.

OBRNinTN · Jul 21, 2004

Oh my goodness!

This is my life for the last 3 months!

I know better than to force a child to potty train...yet I find myself getting VERY distraught about it as well! I am in the same boat as the original poster. My daughter is 3, starts school next month, and must be potty trained. My problem is, she knows when she needs to go, she goes exclusively in the potty away from home, BUT...at home, she will hide behind a door and pee on the floor!

She cries, and screams at me. Tells me to go away. I feel terrible.

And I am sure she does too.

I have another child, a son, who was incredibly easy to potty train.

I really want to try and understand her, but I am afraid that because I am her mom, I can't get an objective view on it. My daughter and I have always been extremely close...and lately she has become increasingly belligerant and less affectionate with me.

What do I do?!!??!

J Lynn · Jul 21, 2004

Well, I'm not one to give advice on this subject......just seeking it :chuckle .

No matter how frustrated you get, they will do it on their own (is what I've learned). I just prayed and prayed for it to happen. She's going to a private school starting Aug 23 and I've already paid her registration of $150 then I have to pay her tuition one month at a time 'cause I can't afford the whole year. It's $2100 a year for one child (I have two). The schools in our parish are not really good and the high school has so many teen pregnancies that my husband and I decided to send the girls to a school outside the parish which meant our only option was a Catholic school b/c the public schools won't accept you if you're from another parish.

Anyway, I would not be pushing her so much if it wasn't for that.

OBRNinTN · Jul 21, 2004

I am doing the exact same thing.

My daughter is starting a private school in August that said they must be potty trained. And I spoke to the teacher sort of off handedly about it...and she confirmed that yes they must.

It seems though, since most people apply to these schools in advance, and pay in advance (me too!), there would have to be some leeway. Kids(as I am finding out) will not potty train just because we want them to!

I am going to speak to them again, because I keep thinking that this whole potty thing wouldn't be that big of a deal if I wasn't on a time limit. I have always been of the philosophy that they will when they are ready. I have always known that Livie(my daughter), would not start kindergarten in diapers!

Well...good luck to you!

At least we're not alone!

J Lynn · Jul 21, 2004

Keep me posted on her progress. Once Katie felt the pee on her leg and heard it go in the water, she wanted to keep doing it.

chris_at_lucas_RN, RN · Jul 21, 2004

Thats funny, except my mother is so laid back, she wouldn't do it. As for the delayed speech, she's been evaluated by her pediatritan and a speech therapist. Both said she fine, just going to learn her words slower than others. My concern is that, she's starting school in Aug and I need her potty trained by then. I've been trying since January, but no results.

She's going to start school at three and a half or four and she has some verbal developmental delays?

Maybe she isn't ready for school (or potty training).

Some kids take a little longer than others. It's just the way they are built. If your baby doesn't seem to be resisting other socializations (like not hitting or biting others when you want her not to, putting stuff down when you tell her to, going to bed without a big fuss), then maybe this is just a bit beyond her control.

If that's the case, you probably want to back off a wee bit and just let her have some time. If she starts school at five, that's not a big thing. But if she gets the message early that she is responsible and in trouble for stuff she can't control, that can cause some problems and make her feel bad. Plus, she can actually develop an early anxiety disorder from trying so hard to figure out just how she is supposed to do this thing neither she nor her body quite understands.

Good luck, J Lynn. You might want to consult a child development specialist, but my vote is, give her some more "baby" time.

J Lynn · Jul 21, 2004

Thanks for the advice, Chris. I've never really pushed her to do anything. It was just hard to get her to understand that the pee goes in the potty, not the diaper or panties. Now that she did it 5 times in two days, I anticipate her to keep going.

I still welcome any and all advice. Thanks again.

BeenThereDoneThat74, MSN, RN · Jul 21, 2004

I was in your shoes only a year ago. It seemed like the day would never come, and that she was the enly one who wasn't doing it. My daughter was exactly 3 1/2 (last august) when it happened. As you can probably see, there's no 'magic' trick. I tried a sticker chart. That seemed to encourage her somewhat (or maybe it was just her time). We were not about to get into a more expensive reward system, the stickers seemed to please her enough. She was dead set against the potty thing for a long time! She's very head strong- a trait that does not seem to be going away. She was the only girl in her nursery class who didn't go. They would invite all the kids to use the bathroom at the designated time. She didn't seem to care, or feel left out. The school was fine with it. They said, you can't make her go, she'll go when she was ready. Somehow I dont think that "big kid' thing really works, and neither do PULL UPS!! Huge waste of money, in my opinion. We went through a lot of panties, and minor spills on the carpet, but that was the only way she knew that she was wet. She would sit in the pull ups like they were diapers. Once she did start there were very few accidents, hardly any at night.

beccaleigh72 · Jul 21, 2004

I got my little girl to start using the potty right at 2 years old. I would give her her favorite candy everytime she went. I would give her 1 mm candy everything she tee teed and when she got that down pat I moved on to poo poo. Then she got the hang of that I would just give her five. Some how it worked.. She has not mastered it but most of the time while we are at home she uses the potty. Give it a try..

Has anyone have any "clever" ways that they got their daughter (or son) to potty train. I've tried everything I could think of. She starts school at the end of Aug and must be potty trained. She doesn't seem to understand what she has to do and I know if I get her to pee just once, she may start.
Thank you in advance for ANY advice.

MG-NotANurse · Jul 21, 2004

Keep me posted on her progress. Once Katie felt the pee on her leg and heard it go in the water, she wanted to keep doing it.

Congratulations J Lynn; you must be very pleased.

Although I've never dealt with Louisiana or Tennessee preschools, I have some experience dealing with directors and teachers in private preschools in Manhattan. Yes, the school materials said he MUST be toilet trained. On the first day of school, I introduced myself to the director and, with a smile, told her that our son was still wearing a pull-up, but that we were working on it.

And then I kissed my son goodbye and went to work. Remember, never show weakness at preschool, especially around "educators" who are younger than you!

OBRNinTN · Jul 22, 2004

Well said!

And great advice!

KikiRN06 · Jul 22, 2004

My oldest son was also 31/2 and i was having no luck potty training. We ended up buying him a big power ranger toy that he had been wanting for a long time and set it on top of the fridge and told him that when he started going in the potty he could have it. I think that it took about a week of him looking at that toy and one day he came into the kitchen wearing a pair of underwear, threw his bag of diapers in the trash and said i am ready for my toy now, we never had an accident.

My daughter was about 21/2 and her daddy would give her horseyback rides everytime that she went in the potty. Now she is 5 and still occasionally asks for a horseyback ride b/c she went to the potty!!!:)