We've all been there. In our time as nurses, we've heard patients say some pretty wild things. Whether it's off-the-wall reasons for how they came to need medical care or something as seemingly mundane as a catchphrase which a patient uttered that resulted in you having a laughing fit; those memorable phrases, reasons or moments could win you one of two $250 Amazon.com gift cards courtesy of relode.
Dust off those memories and leave them in the comment form below. The two grand prize winners will be announced during National Nurses Week but have no fear - even if you don't win one of the grand prizes, we are giving away some cool runner-up prize packs to two more lucky winners!
We all know that patients say the darnedest things, let us hear your best! Thanks for all that you, our nation's nurses, do and Happy National Nurses Week!
Be sure to enter our two previous contests for more chances to win...
My favorite patient comment came from a man who was going through ETOH withdrawal. I asked him how much does he drink he calmly said, "Till It Is Gone".I had to smile. I thanked him for being honest with me.
My totally alert and oriented patient remarking that we must also double as a veterinary hospital because last night he heard a cat meowing all night long and now this morning he heard a goat. Of course, he was referring to the demented little old lady in the room next to his.
In the ED, caring for a patient in the psych rooms. She believed her boyfriend put microphones disguised as strands of hair on her and was obsessively staring at her hair, pulling out strands at times. I tried to appeal to her reasonable side and said something to the effect of, "don't you see how crazy that sounds, we don't have the technology to do that even." To which she replied, "That's why its a genius plan, no one would believe it." Touche.
I had a confused gentlemen ring his light. I went in and he said "Who put this horse manure here." He had had a bowel movement in the bed and thought someone put manure in his bed with him.
While in nursing school, we learning to provide bed baths to patient. I had my patient up in the chair bathing him and he kept taking the towels off of him that I had placed on him to keep him warm. I explained I needed him to keep them on so he did not get cold. He nicely looked at me and said, "I won't get cold, I am always hot when cute little nurses are bathing me." I ignored the comment and kept bathing him. I had finished and handed him the soapy rag and explained I needed him to wash his private parts. He then said, " Oh no, you started this bath and now you need to finish it." I was so shocked and embarrassed that I told him I would be back and left the room.
My favorite was when my patient's mom treated me like her therapist and gave me her whole life story. It's always fun learning about all past boyfriends and details about their kinky fetishes, which are probably not appropriate to share here...
My first time in triage. I've never worked with real psych patients, a man ruins in the ER door time down the hall and hides in the corner. I follow him very concerned and asked himself what was wrong that he appeared scared. He said " yes the FBI are chasing me hide me" I was dumb founded until the secretary comes to me and said he's a frequent flyer for the psych ward. I was so embarrassedI was standing there looking for the people chasing him.
While working up my neurology female patient and asking about her past history, she informed me that she had a history of prostate cancer. When I asked her was she sure, she of course! Turns out she was talking about her family history.
While working up my middle aged female neurology patient, i asked her about her medical history and she said she has a history of prostate cancer. So i asked was she born a female and she said of course, don't i look like it. I said of course. She said why ask me that? I had to inform her that only men had prostates. She said well I know it was prostate and i know I had it.
Patient goes to MRI and says they have to poop. Tech asks if she can wait or if she needs to go now and patient decides to wait. After scan tech asks patient if she needs to use the bathroom now and she said "nope you already scared the s*** out of me"
mdcp
60 Posts
"I fell on the apple"
Dx: Apple up the bum