Patients Say the Darnedest Things

Published

With some of the things patients say, Nurses sometimes wonder if they are on a hidden camera TV show! Weird, wacky or even touching, those phrases stick with us. Think of your favorite thing a patient has said, submit it in the comments below and you'll be entered to win a $250 amazon.com gift card!

Winner will be announced May 16, 2017

UPDATE June 5, 2017

The winner of the $250 amazon.com gift card for favorite thing a patient has said from allnurses.com is user jndmj30 for:

Nurse: "do you check your blood sugar at home?"

Patient:"I used to but all it ever said was High"

Congratulations!

2017 National Nurses Week - 7 Days of Giveaways

Post Op patient opens eyes wide and wild looking and says where's my baby doll over and over. Drifts back to sleep and wakes up says the same thing. Family comes in and says her sister did the same thing. I got her one of the stuffed animal we give the children. She takes it and says there's my baby doll. So bizarre

"Last night I cooked chicken, I already ate some so I'm all better and ready to be discharged"

-patient's rationale for leaving AMA

"You've really lost your mind this time!" says the patient with bugged out eyes in wrist restraints attempting to bite me...she's doesn't realize I lost "it" many moons ago.

"My butthole itches.. what can we do about that?"

During my admission assessment, I ask my 88 y.o patient is she has any pain. She states, " No, he died 30 years go."

Can you please hurry up

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.

A 90-something PD patient said, as she was just about to fall asleep, "Don't worry about that supper we had tonight, honey, the meat wasn't spoiled after all."

While getting ready to roll a GU patient to the OR, the circulating nurse came to the stretcher after patient ID by surgeon. I had set up a good rapport with the patient and proceeded to give Versed and begin the roll to the OR. I again asked the 46 year old man what we were doing for him that day when blurted out; "we are going to free Willy!" Maybe more Versed was in order!

Marian Brown RN, BSN (retired CRNA).

Still practicing RN

"So is the sun smart?"

[After a patient's urine drug screen pops positive for meth]

"But I don't do drugs. I thought it was cocaine!"

"So does the catheter (foley) go directly into the privy parts?"

Specializes in Med nurse in med-surg., float, HH, and PDN.
"So does the catheter (foley) go directly into the privy parts?"

I just laughed until I choked when I read this one!:laugh: I don't want to say, "I'd like to see that happen," but . . . Nah, it's still impossible.

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