2 patients requested not to have me back


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psalm, RN

Specializes in Staff nurse. 1 Article; 1,263 Posts

When I worked in newborn nursery in Hawaii, many of my moms were Asian. The only language I knew was English and a touch of French. So I pantomined alot when helping with feedings (bottle and breast), while talking English, and smiling alot. I was surprised when one of the doctors requested me to help one of his patients breastfeed. Word had gotten around that the blonde with the coke glasses could really help with nursing! Not bad for someone who had never breastfed before, either.

So it may have nothing to do with race. And it's okay to cry the first time or two. No one likes to give their all only to find out it wasn't appreciated. Hugs.


BabyLady, BSN, RN

Specializes in NICU, Post-partum. 2,300 Posts

I've been working nights in post partum for 8 months now and it's been good so far until last week:sniff:. We usually get the same patient the next night, so I was surprised to find out that one of my patients was assigned to a different nurse. I didn't ask the day supervisor, I thought that maybe they needed to spread the C-sections and the vaginal deliveries. My co-worker who had my patient during that day told me that the patient requested not to have me back as her nurse, but the patient did not say anything why she did not want me back, I couldn't help but cry coz I felt so bad, I told my supervisor about it, and she told me that the day supervisor did not mention anything to her, if it was something, it will be brought to her attention, she asked the night RN to ask the patient and the pt didn't say anything against me, my supervisor assured me that it's not me, that it happens to most of the nurses there. I didn't hear anything even after the patient was discharged, and the supervisors always do a survey on the pt before they go.

The same thing happened the other night, one of my patients requested not to have me back and her reason is that we don't "click". The day supervisor mentioned it during our huddle and everyone heard it. I was so embarassed:imbar. After everybody left, I cried :cry:. Two consecutive weeks, 2 patients refused me. I feel so bad :cry:. I feel like I lost all the confidence that I gained for the past 8 months. I don't think I'm a bad nurse, I have patients who were very happyn and even sent me a card. I'm Asian, could that be the reason why they refused me? Did they just happen to be racist? :stone They were both nice to me the whole night, I didn't have any hint that they will request not to have me back. I'm trying to be strong and carry on:o

I don't think that it is a prejudice....I have very rarely ran into those that are prejudice against Asians. In fact, the "stereotype" of Asians is a very positive one...intelligent, hard working, willing to make huge sacrifices...that should work in your favor.

I used to room with a girl years ago that was from China. She was here to finish her last year in college because her degree was in English.

Her use of English, which she had studied her whole life, was almost perfect.

Sometimes, she seemed rude, but she really wasn't....it was a lack of understanding of the small, subtle speech tones that we really pay attention to when determining if people are being nice or sarcastic.

Sometimes she would use phrases that while gramatically correct, convey a different meaning when used in different situations.

For example, I asked her one day if she wanted to tag along to the movies with me. She responded with, "I'm not going anywhere with you." and was very "flat" when she said it.

Technically, it was correct. However, the choice of words was poor. She was simply conveying that she wanted to stay home and didn't want to go.

I came to learn later, that she used an almost literal translation of what she would have said in Chinese..but word for word, it didn't "mesh" with what she was TRYING to say.

I have a feeling that it may be something that simple.


psalm, RN

Specializes in Staff nurse. 1 Article; 1,263 Posts

Reminds me, BabyLady, of a missionary student from India going to Bible college in the States. His roommate asked him to "crack the window a little" and James thought...why would I crack the window? How do I do it just a little? Americans are crazy and wasteful...

He learned our slang quickly. I still think of his thoughts on our phrases.



447 Posts

I wouldn't automatically assume it's racism. I'm AA and I have had AA resident's that preferred other nurses over me. It's only happened to me a few times but when it did I asked myself a few questions. Was I courteous? Did I appear to be flustered, impatient, or in a rush? Did I really try to do my best to assist them with their needs? If I can truthfully answer yes to all of those questions than I chalk it up to clashing personalities and I LET IT GO! You just can't take these things too personally. Remember as a nurse you will interact with a large volume of people during your career. Do you really expect everyone to like you or like your style of providing care? I think that's an unrealistic expectation. Now if you can't answer yes to the questions above then brush your shoulders off because maybe you were having a bad day and resolve to do better and stay on your toes in the future.

You have to develop a thicker skin and don't take things so personally!!! :redpinkhe




447 Posts

I think the fact of the matter is that you can be a person who does your job perfectly, and there will still be some people in the world who don't like you. It may be a shock to some people, but that's life.

I don't understand why some people are assuming that these patients were racist when the only thing that was actually said was by one who said they didn't "click".

I am great at my job, get compliments every day, and even I have had some customers just not care for me. I don't have an accent, I haven't made any errors, I have been perfect at my job, and yet...they just don't get a good vibe. It's just the way things work. Everyone doesn't like everyone. It's that simple and it's totally okay.

If it happened ALL the time, I would start to wonder if there were a problem, but otherwise, you just have to take it as a personality difference.


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