Patients who die right after the family leaves the room.

[nitenite]

Hi there.

I don't work in hospice, but a friend of mine does and she's seen this happen several times. A patient will be circling the drain, the family stays and stays and stays, and the minute they leave for two minutes, the patient dies. The family ends up distraught and feeling guilty. It's terrible and sad.

What do you think is behind this phenomenon?

[MrsPKRN]

I try to illustrate it to families as the idea of waiting for you last guest to leave after a dinner party before you go to bed. You may be dog tired, but it's rude to go to sleep before that. I find it helps them cope and it rightly (I believe) defines death as 'rest'.

[Bubbles]

I am touched by your story of your grandmother's passing.

[CT Pixie, BSN, RN]

I am touched by your story of your grandmother's passing.

I'm not sure, but if you are speaking of my story of my grandmother's passing, thank you. It was difficult to watch her struggle to hang on and to be so agitated but it was a blessing when my grandfather posed as their son and one was literally able to see her relax and be at peace.

[adeshim]

My dad died of laryngeal cancer treatment just this month, march 8 2016 just after a week of radiation and second course of chemo. His body system changed immediately after the 2nd chemo which was given at 3weeks interval. He stopped eating and starting sending me sms to come around bcos i left the hospital fews days after his first chemo to resume work as i was only granted few days to take him to the hospital. My aunty(his younger sister) who stayed with him said he promised to eat when i come but i just cudnt. So on the day he died, my aunty who happens to be the only person with him said he just gave her a sign he wanted to urinate then she supported him to urinate in a small bowl andleft immediately to the toilet to dispose it. On getting back, his finger(thumb) was in his mouth and he was dead in less than 3 minutes she left.

[ktwlpn, LPN]

Am not sure why this seems to happen so much but I prepare family members for this all the time.

[verene, MSN]

I've seen it happen several times. Maybe it is just coincidence but I've had a few times where I think as another poster mentioned there may be some plasticity to death and patients may hang on until they know it won't traumatize their families. I had one patient who I believe really chose the moment of her death. She put her call light on and I went into her room, she told me the priest had come and her family was all going out to eat dinner at her favorite restaurant and she wanted to "go to sleep" while they were all gone. I told her if she wanted to go to bed I was going to let her nurse know she she could have her HS meds with out us waking her her up and I'd be back in a few minutes, she told me that would be too late. I steped out to let the nurse know and about 10 minutes later when I made it back to the room again she was agonal breathing and passed away very peaceful about 10 minutes later with the nurse and I by her side.

In my own family my great-grandmother was barely hanging on and passed away about 2 minutes after her daughter left the room to make a phone call. My grandmother had made clear her wish not to die alone so my family kept a round the clock vigil at her bedside. We stepped out of the room for the staff to provide care and she passed away with them at her side - we firmly believe she held on so long in part because as much as she didn't want to be alone, I don't think she actually wanted to die in front of her family.

Conversely I've also had a few patients where no one could figure out how they were still holding on to life pass as soon as the last family member or friend they'd been wanting to see made it to their room to say their goodbyes.

[LeChien, BSN, RN]

My grandma had cancer, and they said she had about 3 months left. My family flew in on different days to visit her after she was diagnosed, and ten days later she passed. I truly believe she was ready to go but wanted to see all of her kids first.

[nikita1688]

Maybe it was his last goodbye.... Maybe it's where he felt safe my son passed in 2012 he struggled all day to breath from pneumonia doctors sent him home twice almost 3yrs old when I came back to mom and dad's I knew something wasn't right I was going to take him back to the hospital.... He stopped breathing cpr wasn't enough :(y angel