Parents- when/how/should this be done?

twozer0, NP · Nov 9, 2015

I'm an FNP student, so forgive me for posting here rather than in the student section, but I'm looking for perspective from people who have been through this. I'm about a semester and a half into my program and I am in a constant state of second-guessing. The root of my dilemma (aside from being an over-thinker in general) is that I have very young children right now (ages 1-7) and I am terrified that, in pushing my way through grad school and trying to work enough that we don't starve, I'm going to miss my children growing up. I worry that I'll regret having done this for the rest of my life and will never get back these years.
I've already taken a one year LOA after acceptance before even starting the program. This is a DNP program, so I've still got 2.5 full time or 3.5 part time years ahead of me. I keep wondering if I should just quit and apply again in 4 years when all of my kids are school-aged, but I know that those years are busy too, in a different way. I'd also have wasted a lot of money and time on the courses I've already taken, because most if not all would need to be retaken. I dread taking the GRE, writing the essays, getting the letters of recommendation, etc. all over again.
Does anyone have any thoughts, perspective, hindsight they'd like to share with me? Did you do it with small children? Did you make the choice to wait until they were older? Are you happy with your choice and the timing, or do you regret it? Thanks a lot.

This is a personal decision that only you can make. With that being said. I'm a father of two young children. I did my BSN when my first was in the womb and then born. My wife and I are both nurses. I worked full time and once the baby was born she went back limited part time. It was hard working and doing classes but it was doable. We now have added another child to mix and I am in a full time FNP program. With that in mind, I think I am well prepared for school. I've been a nurse for 8+ years (all hospital) and have experienced a wide variety of things, my pharm knowledge is well above average as I took pharm and advanced pharm (special admit to class) during my BSN. I still think it will be a huge challenge going to school though, trying to juggle family life, work (which will be part time after this semester due to clinical starting), financial struggles and everything else that creeps up. Its a lot to factor in, and honestly it was my sole decision not to enter CRNA school. CRNA just wasnt viable for my current life situation, nor did it make much sense monitarily. So to answer your question, yes its totally doable, probably not working full time depending on your program (mine isnt due to clinical hours). Will it be hard? Yes. Will you miss out on things with your children? Yes, to a degree as i'm sure you will make time. It all depends on how prepared you are for the knowledge and how willing you are to sacrifice time. You will rob Peter to pay Paul a lot!

Another thing I do not advise is doing the DNP FNP program out the gate. I know I will probably get some backlash for this from some people but given your circumstance I dont think it is wise. I would find a reputable MSN FNP program to shorten your stay in school if family is important to you. DNP doesnt really offer any workplace benefits at this time outside of academia. It is not required to practice and in my opinion is more of a personal goal than a professional one. I hope some of this information helps you. Again there are several factors to consider. As a busy father myself I can relate to some of your issues but at the same time you have to find out what you are willing to sacrifice and what you arent. Good luck!

carachel2 · Nov 10, 2015

Is there any way you could do a MSN program and just go part-time? Lots of schools let you go part-time and it really does ease up the mommy guilt! I took 3.5 years to go through my program with two classes a semester in the beginning and then dropping to one when the classes started requiring clinicals.

Honestly, one thing I have found to be true for *me* as a mom is the kids need you MORE when they are older and they are more acutely aware of your absence. So I would put in some time now so you can have a great paying job with some flexibility when they are older.

MallysMama · Nov 11, 2015

I'm about halfway done with my program. I have 3 young kiddos. It's hard! There are nights I crawl into bed and cry because I only got a short time with them that day. I worry they'll only remember me as always being gone.

But it is doable! I have been told by many people that kids are resilient and that they won't remember this in the long run. I've also received the great advice of making the best of the time you DO get with them!

I have been blessed to have the full support of my husband- he put his career on hold to be home with the kids. It's a huge sacrifice for everyone- but I think it will be worth it in the end!

Hang in there and good luck with your decisions!

Trauma Columnist · Nov 11, 2015

I was in school (nursing school) when my kids were young and my husband was deployed. I worked full time nights and went to school days. We lived in Vegas with 24 hour day care. My kids were in daycare A LOT!

Do I regret it? Yes in a way. However, when I talk to my sons who are now 30 and 35, they don't feel they missed out on my presence as when i was with them, we spent FUN TIME. My house wasn't the cleanest, neatest and nope I didn't cook dinners much - we went out to eat a lot.

So....I sacrificed a clean house, and home-cooked dinners.

roman1006 · Dec 11, 2015

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 9 month old and am planning to start a 7 semester ACNP program in the fall. I also work as a heart transplant coordinator mon-fri. I also take call on a rotation. I have thought about this ALOT. I feel like I'm missing out on my baby. but I am going to get it over with. I want to be DONE with school and settle down and stop all this nonsense so we can do fun stuff.

My suggestion to you is a FNP-MSN program. Do the doctorate later when your 1 year old is 7 years old.

carachel2 · Dec 11, 2015

I have a 3 1/2 year old and a 9 month old and am planning to start a 7 semester ACNP program in the fall. I also work as a heart transplant coordinator mon-fri. I also take call on a rotation. I have thought about this ALOT. I feel like I'm missing out on my baby. but I am going to get it over with. I want to be DONE with school and settle down and stop all this nonsense so we can do fun stuff.
My suggestion to you is a FNP-MSN program. Do the doctorate later when your 1 year old is 7 years old.

Wait..are you going to keep your full-time transplant coordinator job while you also attend school full-time?

MassRN2008 · Dec 11, 2015

I know exactly how you feel. I have 1 semester left of my MSN NP program, and my daughter is 4 1/2. I started this program when she was a little over 2. I thought at the time that it was a perfect idea to do this now because when I graduate she will be starting school and life will be wonderful (snark). What I have found instead is that I have had to sacrifice a tremendous amount of time with her, and I am not the mommy I want to be right now. Luckily my husband is amazing and a wonderful father and is really picking up the slack, and as a result he and my daughter have a very close and beautiful relationship. But I don't have that with her. I've been sticking it out because I have a lot of student loans and I've already come this far to not finish, but it is painful at times. Most of the time really. She seems to be managing well, so that makes me feel ok, and I know that in 10 years this will only be a blur for her. I cannot tell you whether you should continue now or wait, but I do know that no matter what age your children are, it's hard to be a good mommy and a good student at the same time. It will be painful either way. Maybe it will be good to get it done now while they're little and won't really remember it much, as long as you have a good support system to help with the littles. Good luck in whatever you chose to do.

carachel2 · Dec 11, 2015

I will say...if any of us here starts to feel sorry for ourselves about the time our program takes away from our families then you should go read the blog "Mothers in Medicine." Those women go weeks without seeing their kids and have to take 2 week maternity leaves and some leave their families for months to complete specialty rotations.

Alicia777, MSN, NP · Dec 12, 2015

It's a personal decision as others have said but I'm a believer of getting 'er done while they're very young.

When I graduated NP school I had a 1 year old and was pregnant with #2. Not easy, but I relied on my husband who had finished his MBA the year before and was a great cheerleader for furthering my career and my parents.

Now we're better financially than we have ever been and I don't work a crazy schedule anymore where I have to stay for call or work weekends/holidays. I'd say it was worth the sacrifice..

Oh, and housekeepers and grocery delivery services during that time in my life, were worth their weight in gold.

roman1006 · Dec 30, 2015

I'm doing a part time program. I only have to go to campus (on the same street as hospital I work at) once a week in the late afternoon. When clinicals start it will get tricky. I will have to negotiate 4 tens. Or try to find weekend clinicals.