Paralyzed by emotion when children are the patient?

[missjennmb]

I'm a 31 yr old nursing student/former desk chained IT project manager. I have felt more and more at home at my clinical settings as time has gone by, and I am absolutely ADDICTED to the ER. Other students like it, but I can feel my blood pumping faster just walking in the door wondering what we get to see, what proceedures we get to perform, what cases we'll get to see, and who we'll get to meet. It feels like 20 minutes went by and suddenly my day is over. I just absolutely positively LOVE it. I have been able to keep a caring but uninvolved feel about everything I've seen/helped with from psych patients, elderly, adult codes (not that I love when people code), brain bleeds causing emergency transfers out to specialty hospitals, the works. I don't enjoy that people are hurt, but I have really enjoyed being a part of the ER. It "clicked" for me I guess you could say.

Except for one thing... thus far, a child crying paralyzes me. I don't know how else to explain it. I tried to talk to my instructor about it and she just said "suck it up and do it, you don't have to like it". But its not like I don't like to hear a child cry. I am almost in panic attack mode when I hear them cry. I am terrified/saddened beyond words/feeling as horrible as you could imagine. I know that what is done is for their own good, but if someone were actually and truly torchuring a child in the next room, I cant imagine it being any harder than this to sit through. I don't know what is wrong with me. I just don't know how to get myself in check with these little kids.

I posted here instead of the student forum because I was hoping to hear from some seasoned nurses and see how you get through this? if its even possible to work through it or should I avoid what would otherwise be the ideal situation? I am literally immobilized by this feeling of dread/fear/sadness/heartache when I hear a child cry in the ER.

Its been 9 hours since I left and I still have a knot in my stomach. I wish I could take care of children, but I don't know how my heart will survive it. My preceptor said his first day working as a nurse someone walked in and said "my baby stopped crying" and handed him a baby that was not breathing (and that ended up dying). Is it possible to get comfortable with this? Maybe i need to look inward but I dont understand how I can have such "textbook" response to adult/teen emergencies and fall totally to pieces when a baby cries?

*I do have little ones at home (14, 3, 1) and I cannot even take the babies to get their vax because it breaks my heart to do it, so I send my husband

Please please help me if you can. If there is anything I can read, anything I can do... simply ANYTHING that can help me with this, or help me realize that while its ok it is not going to go away and I need to work in a different environment... I don't know. I just need to know that there are others who felt more intense than "not liking" working on a child.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

If ER is your niche, after a while (and I mean a couple to several YEARS) you will be more comfortable with the care of sick kids. You may never LIKE it but you will learn coping mechanisms to deal with it. I was a staff nurse for 10 years in a level one trauma center that got the sickest of sick kids from all over the state. I never really ENJOYED caring for kids but I learned to be pretty proficient at it!

There always has to be a separateness (I'm sure that's not a word, sorry) between you and the pt whether they are adult or child. There illness, injury isn't YOUR illness or injury. It doesn't mean you don't care and of course, you always strive to give the best care, it just means that you don't identify with them.

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

Eh, lots of people refuse to do PEDs nursing cause they dont like doing nursing with children. Its not unique, wrong or a poor reflection on you in any way.

Me, when I was in school, my aim was to get into PEDs Oncology. Its where I want to be still in a lot of ways, but IDK if I can really do it or not.

Different people, different vices/niches. Now, I could never do trauma/stroke nursing. I have a STRONG stomach, NOTHING bothers me. Trachs, vomit, blood, fecal matter, drains.........I dont blink. But when someone has a bone flap out.......I want to run. IDK why, but I cant stand being in the room with that. I am genuinely freaked out by it.

[leslie :-D]

eh, lots of people refuse to do peds nursing cause they dont like doing nursing with children. its not unique, wrong or a poor reflection on you in any way.

we did our peds rotation in a ltac facility.

most of the kids were wards of the state.

and remember wanting to bring home a few kids so i could foster them.

hubby just listened to my begging until my rotation was over.

me, when i was in school, my aim was to get into peds oncology. its where i want to be still in a lot of ways, but idk if i can really do it or not.

i was thrown into peds hospice at my facility, and lasted less than a year.

couldn't handle it.

leslie

[eriksoln, BSN, RN]

If I get into the ICU, that PEDs Oncology thing is a thing of the past. I'll be pretty much in the ICU for the rest of my career.

If I dont get into the ICU soon (or a tele floor to be a step closer to the ICU) I'll probably go into Adult Oncology to get some experience then start looking for the PEDs Oncology unit.

[Melinurse]

]I can understand where you are coming from. I was floated to peds once and when I held the baby while the mother showered it was wonderful. But then we had to put an IV in him.....................and I swear I felt horrible. I was such a mess afterwards because I felt guilty over causing him pain. Yeah, I sucked it up and did my job but the horrible feeling lingered. I know I can never work peds; I'd get too emotionally attached. I just want to make all the pain go away. Can't stand to see a kid in pain.

]But if you are meant for the ER then you'll have to come to terms with caring for peds patients. No way around that in an ER. Good luck.

[PICNICRN, BSN, RN]

For lack of a better way to say it, I simply must put all of those feelings away during an emergency situation with a kid. I do what I need to do to keep that pt alive and safe- what ever that task may be at the time, compressions, drawing up meds, maintaining an airway, or assisting with a procedure THAT is what I focus on. Most of the time it is chaotic- parents are crying. It may sound cold, but I cannot think about the beautiful little boy in the bed who was walking around fine 6 hours ago and how much he reminds me of my own. I focus ONLY on the task at hand.

After we can stabilize the kiddo, THEN, I can offer my suppport to the family, let them express their sorrow, and help them understand what is happening, give hugs. Sometimes I do shed a tear with them right there in the room(it's always the Dads that get me)- and I think thats ok.- They know their nurse is compassionate and really cares about their child.

And sometimes I must excuse myself to the med room and pull myself together after a really bad or stressful pt encounter. Sometimes I wait unti I'm in my car on the way home.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you want to work with sick kids- you have to be able to do what that kid needs no matter how you may be feeling about it. You have to put those feelings away so that you can get the job done.