Overcoming Loss

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I started Nursing School 7 years ago. I stopped going after 2 semesters because I got a job in a hospital as a tech. But after 3 years working on an open heart unit, I decided to finish. Last year I graduated Nursing School with my BSN.

33 days after I graduated, my baby sister died of a heroin overdose on her 24th Birthday. I was and still am devastated. She lived with me. She had just gotten a lease on her first apartment and was waiting to move in, so she had a friend crashing on our couch. He supplied her with the drug and then found her unresponsive in her bedroom. Instead of coming to get me, he took her car keys and left. He never even called 911, He called his mother, who then called 911.

I spent 13 hours with her at the hospital. Bag after bag of levophed, max vent settings, 3 units of blood and 3 codes, I had to make the decision to let her go. I knew clinically that there was no saving her, but I still kept searching for hope, for a miracle. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do.

Even still 3 weeks after her funeral, I took my NCLEX and passed with 75 questions. I honestly don't know how because for that entire 3 weeks I did nothing, I never cracked a book, never took a practice exam. I was just to depressed.

I started applying for jobs just to keep moving forward. I interviewed for 5 positions and was offered 4 positions. I chose a position at a teaching hospital on a general medicine floor. I started last week.

Its been 6 months since my sister died and I still burst out crying a few times a week. I have so much to be happy for but it all feels so empty because I can't share it with her. I just hope I can keep moving forward. I am considering going to a grief group, so that I can handle this in a better way so that I don't lose it at work.

Just wondering if anyone has any tips on being a nurse and dealing with loss on a personal level.

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Specializes in CWON - Certified Wound and Ostomy Nurse.

I'm very sorry about your sister. The loss is still relatively new and what you are going through is expected. When you feel down try to focus on the good memories you had together growing up. It takes years for the blow to soften but even years and years later it can hurt. A memory will resurface that can sadden you. We have to try and rise above the bad things that happen in life and concentrate on how to take the experience and turn it into something positive. Maybe one day you may want to become involved in advocacy or public awareness/education.

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I am so sorry for your loss. I do not have much to offer in terms of comfort or advice because I am going through a similar situation myself, albeit more drawn out. My boyfriend has cancer that is very unlikely to go into remission, so he will most likely die in the near future. I see him in every death I witness at work. One time, I had a patient who looked like him and had a similar cancer. It was very difficult to keep myself professional but I did. I think the only line of thought that truly gives me strength is that this person needs me as a nurse. I cannot flake out of someone's present needs because of my future grief. I simply cannot. If I cannot do this, it's time for me to change assignments or go on leave.

I journal and discuss my feelings with a friend who happens to be a social worker. She's my unpaid therapist, really. Writing and confiding in others are valuable outlets for me. I recommend you establish some form of outlet as soon as possible. Before I took my mental health seriously, it truly sucked when I wanted to break down but did not know what to do or whom to trust. It is exhausting to try to confide in someone who is not "in" on the backstory.

Good luck and stay strong.

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I can respond on the been there, done that level.

Went through a series of losses, the most severe being the loss of my father through medical malpractice.

I returned to work without working through those issues. Nursing is hard enough without unresolved grief hanging over your head. When I returned to work.. every little old man in the bed.. reminded me of my Dad. I could cry in a heartbeat.

You need to resolve your grief.. before you can function as a nurse.

Please join a support group and get the help you need to move on.

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Specializes in CWON - Certified Wound and Ostomy Nurse.

I took the heartache from watching my sibling die from cancer 17 years ago this month and turned it into a positive by deciding to go to nursing school. So good things can and do come out of tragic life experiences. I know wholeheartedly what I do, what we do, makes a tremendous difference for patients. I did think initially I wanted to go into oncology but found it too painful. Like Cuddles said little things remind you if our loved ones...the fortunate thing is there are so many options available in nursing.

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Specializes in NICU.

"Even still 3 weeks after her funeral, I took my NCLEX and passed with 75 questions. I honestly don't know how because for that entire 3 weeks I did nothing, I never cracked a book, never took a practice exam."

" I have so much to be happy for but it all feels so empty because I can't share it with her."

You have to look at the little things to see that she IS there to share your happy times. What makes you so sure that you passing NCLEX with 75 questions was all your doing? She may have had part in it.

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Specializes in Critical Care, Education.

Please don't hesitate to seek out grief counseling & support. As nurses, we tend to feel that we should 'be strong' and fail to reach out for help when it is needed. Most of us (myself included) have experienced the loss of of someone close. Intense grief will fade over time although the sadness will linger.

On another note - sincerely hope that the person who was complicit in your sister's death has been brought to justice for his unconscionable actions.

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