One manager just seems to dislike me . . .

[SoundofMusic]

But I get along perfectly fine, if not very well, with all the others. But this one has a way of just being very condescending to me at work, very critical, and very overbearing and micro-managing of ME, as well as a few other nurses who make the same comments about her. It truly makes me nervous to work around her, and I can just feel her dislike of me down to my bones. She is actually our master preceptor on the unit. I have precepted other nurses, and even been selected as a mentor, receiving cash awards. I'm not a perfect nurse, though, even after 2 years, and somehow she is always present when I make mistakes.

There are days this ONE person just makes me want to leave the unit altogether. If I make a mistake, she just gives me that eye rolling "gosh, how could you have done such a stupid thing, you are such a stupid nurse," look.

I wonder if I should confront her very carefully about it and just air my feelings, or if I should just carry on and not worry about it. She's not exactly my boss, but she definitely would have influence w/ my boss.

I just really feel the need to speak up as I work with her now more often due to scheduling changes I had to make.

I want to tell her: You don't inspire me, or inspire confidence in me as a nurse when you are so critical and disapproving. Is there a way we can communicate better here? If you are unhappy with my performance, is there some way I can improve or come in extra or whatever? I just feel very stressed when I have to work with you."

Would that be too much?

[abundantjoy07, RN]

I really place a lot of value in speaking personally with any issues that you might be having with a coworker or any issues a coworker might be having with you. I'd tell her privately that you would like to speak with her when she has time for the two of you to sit down and discuss some concerns you are having. Your approach and the way your have written your concerns are very professional. It shows you are a productive person and that you are willing to collaborate with her. I would definately approach her this way first and if there is no improvement or if the convo doesn't go the way you anticipated, perhaps a personal sitdown with your boss and her would be the next choice. You know, it seems like there's always one person that just wants to make your life miserable...I'm sorry that that person happens to be a co-worker...

I hope it all works out for you...it sucks to have to be burdened with unnecessary trivial mess while you're at work. Good luck with everything.

[canigraduate]

Tread carefully!

If you talk with her, I advise doing it in a non-confrontational, conversational way. Say something like: "I've noticed that you and I don't get along as well as we could. Is there something I can do to help our relationship?" If there are any problems, this could bring them out in a constructive way.

Also, use "I feel" statements to get your points across in a way that doesn't alienate her. For example, "When you criticize me, I feel like you disapprove of me personally and I feel hurt," or "When we work together, I feel like I am under a microscope and that makes me feel inadequate and very stressed."

You could also follow up with positive statements, such as praising her time management skills, or whatever she is good at, and asking her to show/explain to you the way she does it.

Think about it as a discussion with a future friend, and that will make it easier for you.

Just my humble opinion.

I hope you are able to work things out with her!

[Virgo_RN, BSN, RN]

I want to tell her: You don't inspire me, or inspire confidence in me as a nurse when you are so critical and disapproving. Is there a way we can communicate better here? If you are unhappy with my performance, is there some way I can improve or come in extra or whatever? I just feel very stressed when I have to work with you."

Would that be too much?

I would not word it that way. There are too many "you" messages and not enough "I" messages. Good luck! Let us know how it goes.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Oh, man, do I feel your pain here! Back when I worked in a hospital, there was an assistant department manager who single-handedly made my life hell for a year-and-a-half before I finally quit. While I'll never say I was perfect, I was an excellent float nurse and got along well with my co-workers.....but this manager was constantly picking at me and hinting that my fellow nurses "had concerns" about my performance, which in the end caused me to become so nervous and paranoid that I was no longer even the same person. She would call me into her office to berate me for minor mistakes, made sure I got the toughest assignments, and once she even accused me of taking a syringe of Dilaudid from the narcotics drawer without signing it out......fortunately, I had just clocked in and didn't even have keys yet, so I was in the clear.

But I'll never forget the look of disappointment in her eyes---she wanted to catch me in something nefarious so badly she could taste it, and the heck of it is, I've never figured out WHY. To my knowledge, I never had a problem with any of the other managers or my co-workers---only this one. Unfortunately for me, she had a lot of years in at this hospital and thus considerable influence with the CNO, who called me into her office one fateful morning near Christmas. Seems there had been a number of "incidents" involving me that were minor in themselves, but according to the CNO they showed "a disturbing pattern" that were a "cause for concern".

Well, that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back: somehow, I just knew that I could not work in that miserable place one. more. day. I gave my notice and took the next two weeks off on FMLA. In retrospect, I've since realized that my departure was what they wanted, because I was given a severance package in the form of three months' free health insurance and a bonus for five full years of service (it was actually four-and-a-half, on and off). They also encouraged me to file for unemployment, and didn't fight it when I did.

Bottom line: Life is too short for bad jobs and rotten managers. If you can't come to some kind of cease-fire with yours---and that's what I would advise you to try first---you need to get out of there. It's just not worth the stress, the damage to your self-esteem, or the destruction of your confidence in your abilities.

I wish you the best.

[canigraduate]

Oh, man, do I feel your pain here! Back when I worked in a hospital, there was an assistant department manager who single-handedly made my life hell for a year-and-a-half before I finally quit. While I'll never say I was perfect, I was an excellent float nurse and got along well with my co-workers.....but this manager was constantly picking at me and hinting that my fellow nurses "had concerns" about my performance, which in the end caused me to become so nervous and paranoid that I was no longer even the same person. She would call me into her office to berate me for minor mistakes, made sure I got the toughest assignments, and once she even accused me of taking a syringe of Dilaudid from the narcotics drawer without signing it out......fortunately, I had just clocked in and didn't even have keys yet, so I was in the clear.

But I'll never forget the look of disappointment in her eyes---she wanted to catch me in something nefarious so badly she could taste it, and the heck of it is, I've never figured out WHY. To my knowledge, I never had a problem with any of the other managers or my co-workers---only this one. Unfortunately for me, she had a lot of years in at this hospital and thus considerable influence with the CNO, who called me into her office one fateful morning near Christmas. Seems there had been a number of "incidents" involving me that were minor in themselves, but according to the CNO they showed "a disturbing pattern" that were a "cause for concern".

Well, that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back: somehow, I just knew that I could not work in that miserable place one. more. day. I gave my notice and took the next two weeks off on FMLA. In retrospect, I've since realized that my departure was what they wanted, because I was given a severance package in the form of three months' free health insurance and a bonus for five full years of service (it was actually four-and-a-half, on and off). They also encouraged me to file for unemployment, and didn't fight it when I did.

Bottom line: Life is too short for bad jobs and rotten managers. If you can't come to some kind of cease-fire with yours---and that's what I would advise you to try first---you need to get out of there. It's just not worth the stress, the damage to your self-esteem, or the destruction of your confidence in your abilities.

I wish you the best.

Viva: Sounds like you were the target of a bully. People like that just want to bring you down because you're better than they are. So, the whole situation was actually a compliment to you and your abilities.

SoundofMusic: It sounds like you may be in the beginning stages of a bully attack. If you stand up to it early enough, it will cease. If you let it go on, management will drive you out by documenting lots of minor things or by making you so miserable you will leave. Again, good luck, and I hope you are able to work things out.

[SoundofMusic]

Back when I worked in a hospital, there was an assistant department manager who single-handedly made my life hell for a year-and-a-half before I finally quit. While I'll never say I was perfect, I was an excellent float nurse and got along well with my co-workers.....but this manager was constantly picking at me and hinting that my fellow nurses "had concerns" about my performance, which in the end caused me to become so nervous and paranoid that I was no longer even the same person. She would call me into her office to berate me for minor mistakes, made sure I got the toughest assignments, and once she even accused me of taking a syringe of Dilaudid from the narcotics drawer without signing it out......fortunately, I had just clocked in and didn't even have keys yet, so I was in the clear.

Well, I can't say it's to this level . . . YET. There are times this person is very kind to me, and she almost seems to be cognizant of times I'm stressed on the floor and tries to delay an admission for me, stuff like that. I mean -- it's not THAT bad as in she's "bullying" me, but she's just condescending and continues to treat me like I don't know anything. Let's just say I know very well I'm not one of her "favorites." She will ask me to precept, though, so I don't think she thinks I'm horrible -- but she WILL berate me in front of preceptees if she gets a chance which REALLY ****** me off!

She gets very upset when I forget things that she thinks I SHOULD know by now. But I'm sorry, a lot of skills we don't do every single day on our floor and I just forget how to do them. To go to her and ask for help is sometimes really scary -- and she's supoosed to be the resident "teacher" on our floor!

There are also many nurses who would agree with me about her. She hassles a LOT of people and is not a popular manager.

I think my gut feeling is that I'm going to discuss it with her at an opportune time, but not be whiny or crying about it -- just friendly but firm. I will use a lot of "I feel" statements and just try to appeal to her humane side. Don't know -- I'm about done w/ my contract, so perhaps it's time to go -- but I resent the treatment as I have worked very hard on the unit over the past 2 years.

Who knows. Maybe it won't do any good. Why do people just have to be so difficult?? Don't managers know that the more you berate a nurse, the WORSE their performance will become. It's too nervewracking. Praise first, THEN criticize!

[BigBub1000]

Oh, man, do I feel your pain here! Back when I worked in a hospital, there was an assistant department manager who single-handedly made my life hell for a year-and-a-half before I finally quit. While I'll never say I was perfect, I was an excellent float nurse and got along well with my co-workers.....but this manager was constantly picking at me and hinting that my fellow nurses "had concerns" about my performance, which in the end caused me to become so nervous and paranoid that I was no longer even the same person. She would call me into her office to berate me for minor mistakes, made sure I got the toughest assignments, and once she even accused me of taking a syringe of Dilaudid from the narcotics drawer without signing it out......fortunately, I had just clocked in and didn't even have keys yet, so I was in the clear.

But I'll never forget the look of disappointment in her eyes---she wanted to catch me in something nefarious so badly she could taste it, and the heck of it is, I've never figured out WHY. To my knowledge, I never had a problem with any of the other managers or my co-workers---only this one. Unfortunately for me, she had a lot of years in at this hospital and thus considerable influence with the CNO, who called me into her office one fateful morning near Christmas. Seems there had been a number of "incidents" involving me that were minor in themselves, but according to the CNO they showed "a disturbing pattern" that were a "cause for concern".

Well, that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back: somehow, I just knew that I could not work in that miserable place one. more. day. I gave my notice and took the next two weeks off on FMLA. In retrospect, I've since realized that my departure was what they wanted, because I was given a severance package in the form of three months' free health insurance and a bonus for five full years of service (it was actually four-and-a-half, on and off). They also encouraged me to file for unemployment, and didn't fight it when I did.

Bottom line: Life is too short for bad jobs and rotten managers. If you can't come to some kind of cease-fire with yours---and that's what I would advise you to try first---you need to get out of there. It's just not worth the stress, the damage to your self-esteem, or the destruction of your confidence in your abilities.

I wish you the best.

I have worked with people who seemed to just hate me but I could never figure out why. I think it was because I had had to enforce some policies with our aides and these aides were friends with the ones who began to show animosity toward me. But I could not abide sleeping on the job, disappearing from the ward, or maltreatment of the patients. Wasn't going to happen as long as Big Bub was OTJ. I never want to have to tell a jury why I did not effectively supervise my aides. Oh, I wanted us to be friends, Mr. and Ms. Jury Person.

Do you think that would fly? Should Bub have to let patients be wet or dirty for extended periods because of aides' smoke breaks? Not in this lifetime? Should Bub have to do his own work and theirs, too? No. :angryfire

Well, the aides didn't like having to sign out and back in for breaks or report to me when they were leaving and returning. Too bad. I didn't give a rat's hind end if they liked me or not about my practices on the matters I've mentioned. Sure, it's better to have peace at work but my license comes first.

But that's pretty amazing that they gave you a bonus and didn't fight your unemployment applicaton. Well, hopefully you are in a better situation now.

As for the OP, I applaud your willingness to approach her openly, gently. I hope she responds favorably and opens up to you about what is wrong. I hope you guys can work things out. If not, maybe give her a little time and try again? I've done this and not gotten too far but maybe you'll have better luck. The people I approached in the past didn't seem to know what to do with my open, honest approach. They were embarrassed.

They also saw, I think, how cruel and unfair they were being and didn't like realizing that they were wrong about me. Just because I was the quiet type didn't mean I was stupid or incapable. They had to admit I was actually a darn decent nurse. Well, good luck. Just try to realize that it might be more a matter of personality than anything else. Miscommunication. Misunderstanding. Maybe you remind her of someone who hurt her in the past. Maybe she's jealous of you?