On Working with Sexual Minorities

VivaRN

Every time he stood up he tottered and I fought the urge to reach out my hand, sure that my gesture would be an insult to his pride. Aidan was 23 years old, gay, African-American, and had 7 T cells. My standard speech about lifesaving drugs was met with a blank stare. "My life?" he mumbled, staring at the floor. "It isn't worth saving."

He had seen his family last summer. It had been hot, but they didn't know about his HIV so he wore long-sleeved shirts and pants to cover the staph infections on his skin. He was sick, having diarrhea all day and thrush making it painful to swallow. He wanted to come home. They didn't know he was gay so he tried disclosing that first. It had not gone well. Aidan began to cry, pitiful sobs that shook his willow-thin frame. I handed him the box of tissues, and he told me about contemplating suicide, standing by the train tracks thinking he should jump. His father told him to go to hell, so he thought, why not. He already felt like he was there.

I touched him on his bony shoulder and looked him in the eye. I told him he was a beautiful man, that he must care or he wouldn't be here today. I introduced him to a mental health provider and implored him to please, please come back and see us. But it was not to be. Like a passive suicide, he died of AIDS. But I don't think it was AIDS that killed him.

Cassie was another patient, a bubbly transgender male-to-female who was seen in women's clinic because she was "proud of her womanhood, baby!". I complimented her on her nail polish and we talked about makeup and fashion. Her appearance was tasteful and she could almost "pass" for a biological woman. But when I asked about employment Cassie grew quiet and a cloud descended over her freckled face. She always told the truth about being transgendered on employment forms because she felt they had a right to know. It also opened the door for her to ask which bathroom they would like her to use. I gathered that she had grown discouraged - she never seemed to get an interview so she was living on the streets, trading sex for food and shelter.

But Cassie was happy again. She was in a relationship with a wonderful man! And yet, they never had sex when they weren't high and what Cassie described sounded like rape. I asked "how do you feel about that?", and she said "I'm glad that anyone would want to be with me. I'm not a normal girl, you know." I tried to say "you're worth more" but she raised her eyebrows and gave me a piercing look that stopped me dead. "You find me a job so I don't need no sugar daddies", she said, "and then I'll believe you." It's a difficult thing to argue with.

This transcultural experience of mine has taught me that discrimination and rejection of gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered people is not a philosophical or theological concept. It hurts real people like Aidan and Cassie. Too many stories like these.

I wish our society accepted all people for who they are.

(Names and some details changed to protect confidentiality)

tinnnk · Jan 11, 2009

I agree with you regardless of how anyone chooses to live their lives it's not up to us to judge, we all came to this earth the same way and we all deserve respect and dignity...........I hate to say but I have worked with many judgemental nurses and it really upsets me. Some absolutely refuse to care for ppl like Aidan and Cassie, I shouldn't think as an RN one would have the choice but they can get away with it, some like to say I'm a "Christian" and that one really gets me, what does a persons personal belief have to do with giving care to one human being over another......................hhmmmmmmm. By the way I loved your article........your a great person, I can tell..

softstorms · Jan 11, 2009

In a perfect world! All would be accepted. Funny thing is..it is not up to this world to accept any of us! Globally, look around at the differences in all of us! No one really tells us how to be! Too many of us yell about not being accepted, when it is really not about the world accepting us, it is about US accepting us.

so alive LPN · Jan 11, 2009

i just dont know what to say...as a gay man myself, that was very, very touching....

kellyc034 · Jan 11, 2009

Wow. I know this is a hot button issue for some, but reading that first story brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it's my "liberal" views, but good grief, people are people! I don't care what your sexual orientation, gender, or beliefs are. I just can't imagine treating a person like that. It makes me ill. I just don't understand how people can be so hateful and cruel. It really breaks my heart.

VivaRN · Jan 11, 2009

Wow. I know this is a hot button issue for some, but reading that first story brought tears to my eyes. Maybe it's my "liberal" views, but good grief, people are people! I don't care what your sexual orientation, gender, or beliefs are. I just can't imagine treating a person like that. It makes me ill. I just don't understand how people can be so hateful and cruel. It really breaks my heart.

Me too. That is why I chose to write about this. Prior to working in this area I hadn't had a lot of contact with these communities, and it really surprised/shook me up at times to see the hurt people carried around with them. It was so far out from my life as a heterosexual female. I really had to learn and try to understand that experience to reach my patients.

Thanks everyone for your comments and feedback.

SDChargersGirl#31 · Jan 11, 2009

I agree with you regardless of how anyone chooses to live their lives it's not up to us to judge, we all came to this earth the same way and we all deserve respect and dignity...........I hate to say but I have worked with many judgemental nurses and it really upsets me. Some absolutely refuse to care for ppl like Aidan and Cassie, I shouldn't think as an RN one would have the choice but they can get away with it, some like to say I'm a "Christian" and that one really gets me, what does a persons personal belief have to do with giving care to one human being over another......................hhmmmmmmm. By the way I loved your article........your a great person, I can tell..

This story is SO heartbreaking. Brought tears to my eyes. As for the "Christians" - Whatever happened to "hate the sin, not the sinner", and "let he who is without sin cast the first stone".

It really gets to me the deep seeded hate and hypocracy of those people and using christianity as justification for thier discrimination.

I consider myself a christian even though I attend church next to never. I've had a hard time finding a church where the congregation felt more genuine and less like a clique or a way to network. Sorry - rant.

RN BSN 2009 · Jan 12, 2009

Thank you. This was very touching.

magicsauce · Jan 13, 2009

What a great post! It's wonderful when people can share stories that have the opportunity to open others eyes. :yeah:

Mahage, LPN · Jan 14, 2009

I agree with you regardless of how anyone chooses to live their lives it's not up to us to judge, we all came to this earth the same way and we all deserve respect and dignity...........I hate to say but I have worked with many judgemental nurses and it really upsets me. Some absolutely refuse to care for ppl like Aidan and Cassie, I shouldn't think as an RN one would have the choice but they can get away with it, some like to say I'm a "Christian" and that one really gets me, what does a persons personal belief have to do with giving care to one human being over another......................hhmmmmmmm. By the way I loved your article........your a great person, I can tell..

You know when people make statements like that I believe that is one of the most unchristian things a person can say. It is also very unprofessional.

Mahage

alan headbloom · Jan 30, 2009

It was so far out from my life as a heterosexual female. I really had to learn and try to understand that experience to reach my patients.

Viva,

You have opened many eyes--and maybe a few hearts--with this story. It's a challenge for ALL of us to step outside our own tribal raising and minister to others. I applaud your courage and conviction. You are indeed a Good Samaritan.

Alan

P.S. In the U.S., the United Church of Christ is one national denomination which welcomes all people, regardless of sexual orientation. Just to say that not all "Christians" are judgmental.

On Working with Sexual Minorities

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