OB nurses, what do you do in adoption situations?

Specialties Ob/Gyn

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What happens? What is your role? What do you say? What is appropriate? Any interesting stories on this subject?

Thanks! :)

I am sorry, but who said anything about making it more "expedient"? I just want it to be more equitable for people out there who desperately want to provide a good, safe and truly loving home for a child, yes---- but most importantly---- for the child, whose life is MOST impacted! Of COURSE you want potential parents to be right for the child. It's just a real shame that by the laws of biology, anyone can reproduce, yet not necessarily be a real, loving and nurturing parent.

Lots of kids suffer and languish sadly in homes of people who did not choose to adopt out--- when they could have had more loving environments. Just because someone can make a baby does not make him or her ready to PARENT. So many others are ready and wanting to parent, yet cannot. It's sad......and....Some of us did not have parents who really wanted us. It's not about money or age at time of conception, but the desire and ability to give a child the best start in life....ah well I digress....

The current laws are in some cases horrendously cumbersome and prohibitive, hurting many potential adoptive families. Now, No one said a "fast track" law should be passed just for convenience, but the current ones need MUCH improvement! I know people horribly hurt by the ones we have now, and it's wrong.

....and this opinion has it's merrit too. How interesting, two opinions and the completely oposite end of the spectrum ( yours and the one from reprise, posted above) and both are true...

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Maybe this is incredibly un-pc, but I do think things need to be more expedient. Like it or not, time matters. A parent needs to be ready to parent the second their child arrives and if they aren't, it's the child that suffers. Certainly there should be help for them, but it can't drag on forever.

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.
Maybe this is incredibly un-pc, but I do think things need to be more expedient. Like it or not, time matters. A parent needs to be ready to parent the second their child arrives and if they aren't, it's the child that suffers. Certainly there should be help for them, but it can't drag on forever.

I have to disagree. Just because conditions are less than optimal doesn't mean the child will suffer. Unless there are clear cut reasons to fear the child will be neglected or put into harm's way, if the mother wants to keep the baby, I think we should be putting more resources into helping them to do so. OTOH, I am all for making it harder for families to be reunified after repeated failures on the part of the parents to meet the conditions imposed upon them when they are found to be unfit. I know I mentioned it before on another thread, but I actually spent a grand total of 3 months working in the foster care system in San Diego County, and I could tell 5 stories of children who really would have been better off in nearly any environment than their family home, and yet each time they petitioned for reunification, the court awarded it. Now, this was in the 80s, and I do know that regulations have been tightened, but I don't for a second believe that either being married or being financially secure is a clear cut indicator that a child will be nurtured.

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I didn't say just less than optimal. I am talking about people who really aren't ready. Some help in the short term is fine with me and it's out there (education options for teen moms, temporary housing, social work, drug and alcohol treatment), but spending years trying to get a parent ready to be a parent is ridiculous. You miss opportunities for bonding and that has consequences. A two year old shouldn't have to STILL be in foster care waiting around for his mom to be able to care for him.

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Specializes in Public Health, DEI.

Oh, if it has escalated to the point where a child is in foster care, I agree, there have to be strict time limits. I just had the sense earlier in the thread that we were starting to talk about babies being adopted solely because their mothers were young, unwed and/or poor.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Maybe this is incredibly un-pc, but I do think things need to be more expedient. Like it or not, time matters. A parent needs to be ready to parent the second their child arrives and if they aren't, it's the child that suffers. Certainly there should be help for them, but it can't drag on forever.
Just dealt with a case that makes me feel this way, also fergus. NO details, but some people should not have kids, let alone 3 of them before they are 21. I wish I could have adopted the baby just born into this messed-up situation. Now, he will languish in the state-custody system, til they figure out what to do next. It sucks. what can I say? I would love to have a baby----I am not unbiased. But something needs to be done for these kids, too!
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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Oh, if it has escalated to the point where a child is in foster care, I agree, there have to be strict time limits. I just had the sense earlier in the thread that we were starting to talk about babies being adopted solely because their mothers were young, unwed and/or poor.
oh no absolutely not just cause they are unwed or young. But using or dealing drugs? Running a meth lab? Prior history of child neglect and abuse? Other equally-horrendous history? I think these people who continue to make crappy and wrong choices after being give chance after chance, should not be given yet another opportunity to screw up yet another kid's life!
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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I didn't say just less than optimal. I am talking about people who really aren't ready. Some help in the short term is fine with me and it's out there (education options for teen moms, temporary housing, social work, drug and alcohol treatment), but spending years trying to get a parent ready to be a parent is ridiculous. You miss opportunities for bonding and that has consequences. A two year old shouldn't have to STILL be in foster care waiting around for his mom to be able to care for him.
exactly right. :angryfire
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oh no absolutely not just cause they are unwed or young. But using or dealing drugs? Running a meth lab? Prior history of child neglect and abuse? Other equally-horrendous history? I think these people who continue to make crappy and wrong choices after being give chance after chance, should not be given yet another opportunity to screw up yet another kid's life!

Yes. I used to see this in my practice and it made me sick. Also, couples who would be fantastic parents who can't have them and go the in vitro route. We do not live in a perfect world. The Serenity Prayer helps.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
Yes. I used to see this in my practice and it made me sick. Also, couples who would be fantastic parents who can't have them and go the in vitro route. We do not live in a perfect world. The Serenity Prayer helps.
I think a lot would reconsider IVF if they knew adoption laws were not so prohibitive in some states. My dh cousin has gone through hell in a failed adoption recently. I would not want that ordeal on my worst enemy.
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I have two adoptive children who were born at different hospitals. The first was great! We were allowed to room in with our new baby from day one until three. I had an armband to match the baby, and could get him from the nursery whenever I chose. Actually, I kept him in our room the entire time unless I was showering or in the cafeteria for food! The nurses all knew we were in the room, but it was like we weren't in the room because they gave us complete privacy. Our birthmom went home the day after our child was born! She asked for some alone time with our son in our room before she left and I had to convince the nurse that we were really okay with that. Birthmoms have hard decisions to make, and saying goodbye is a very private and painful thing for them to do. Things worked out beautifully for us.

Our second situation was much different. Our child had an extended stay in the NICU due to some minor issues. We did not see the baby until 15 days after the birth due to the birthmom making her final decisions. We made numerous trips back and forth to the hospital and stayed for long periods of time with our child which was great for us. The nurses there were wonderful, but I will admit that they asked many private and personal questions of us and the adoption situation. Please keep in mind that some adoptions are more "open" than others and sometimes the adoptive family or the birthfamily may want to keep certain things private. ;)

My husband actually spoke to a local hospital about this as part of an Adoption Awareness Training for hospital staff. I commend you all for what you do! I am an educator and often have to remind myself that children are born into circumstances that are beyond their control and as adults all we can really do is love them when they are in our care.

Support the birthmothers and the adoptive families. Adoption is a beautiful thing, but there is often heartache with it as well.

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I've had birth moms who took care of their babies and others who didn't want to see them much if at all. One social worker once said that the birth mom should see and hold her baby 'so she will know what she is greiving'.

I have to admit that the one mom who changed her mind at the last minute was one who didn't want to see her baby. She had to ask which one was her baby when she came to get her because she had never seen her. It was so sad for the adoptive parents. They were such nice people. Although I didn't say anything, I was upset with the birth mom for stringing them along like that. After going through that (had worked on the discharge teaching with the adoptive parents,etc.) I since have an aversion to adoptive parents to get involved so early. Seems it would almost be better to call them after the relinquishment has been signed.

I also despise dealing with pushy adoption agency people and pushy, anxious adoptive moms. Making sure the adoption paperwork is in order is a pain, too. I often wish they would just d/c to the birth mom and let her hand the baby over in the parking lot.

(Realy, I am not as much of a B**** as I sound like - just don't like the tension and legal issues associated with adoptions in hospital)

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