OB nurses, what do you do in adoption situations?

Specialties Ob/Gyn

Published

What happens? What is your role? What do you say? What is appropriate? Any interesting stories on this subject?

Thanks! :)

Specializes in Obstetrics, M/S, Psych.

kiyasmom

Wow. Great true story and powerful testimony to why the nurse should take a supportive rather than a directive role when it comes to an important decision as this. Of course, most who give their babies up for adoption do it for reasons of wanting a better life for their baby and not because they don't want them, but whatever the reason, the decision is hers.

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I am not judging you and anyone else. I am simply saying that the best thing for a child is being in a loving 2 parent family. My own grandchild is being raised by a single parent and very successfully, at that. So, I know it can be done. I would have preferred a 2 parent home, but it is definitely possible to raise a child singly. It is harder, though, but of course it can be done well. You obviously have.

I agree with SBIC, a child is not always better off in a two parent home!! and what it sounded like to me was that you said, if a single mom has a baby, while she might do ok on her own, the baby would be better of given to a loving two parent home. I just want to congratulate you in comfirming all those sterotypes that are already out there about single mothers. I dont see how you can speak in such generalaztions! You dont know what is best for every child! My mother was a single mother for the most part, I grew up my first 17 years with an physcially abusive alcoholic father, who for the most part was emotionally abusive as well. I had a lot of problems but my mom finally made the decision to take my sister and I away from that and the three of us moved out and from that point on my life totally turned around! I always used to ask my mom why she never got remmarried and she always said, "I felt like I owed it to you and your sister to give all my concentration for what time I had left with you (meaning until we left for college). Now my sister and I have both graduated from college and I am pursing my masters degree, we are both happy, well rounded, productive memebers of society. I feel that bc my mom was a single parent the three of us are closer than we would have ever been if we had been with my father or with another man for that matter.

Also I know several people from two parent homes that are on drugs, in jail (as I worked at a juvenille corrective center after college) and from what they tell me their home had two parents and was a supportive environment. So how can you make those judgements! Nurses are supposed to be non-judgemental but that comment you made sure does sound like sterotyping, and it sounds very judgmental! While I dont condone having kids before you are married, I do realize that it happens and that child has just as good chance as anyother child born into a two parent home! The times are changing and we must change with them.

sorry just venting, it ticks me off when ppl make comments like that.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

We are wayyyy off track now, as we can see. I hope we all are careful not to judge too quickly who is "fit" and who not to raise their kids. I would not paint anyone with a broad brush or blanket statement ---and I am sure no one here would, either. It's true there are unfit two-parent homes. I grew up in one. But I also believe kids are better off with both parent figures actively involved in their lives, even if that means they are in separate domiciles.

Any other insights from OB nurses on adoption?

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I was 16 and rebellious. I got pregnant. I chose to keep my daughter. Then I had another 3 yrs later w/ the same father. We got married but for only a very brief period of time. With the love and support of my family, I raised my girls. Yes, we had very very hard times. Money was always tight. Somehow we made it through nursing school together---as a team. Today my girls are both productive members of society as I am. My girls never got into drugs, drinking, sex, or legal problems. They are both great kids and we have a wonderfully mutual respect for each other. My kids both knew (first hand) the hardships and are now more aware of how things are/were and are more determined than ever to "do things the right way". My eldest is married w/ two children of her own and my youngest just became an assistant manager at a bank at 21 years of age. I am very proud of the both of them.

Now I know that there are some young moms who did not do as well or were as lucky as I was. However, please don't judge the young moms. Not all of us are losers. We may be young but we have a lot to offer our children.

Good for you!!! You should be very, very proud of yourself!!

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We are wayyyy off track now, as we can see. I hope we all are careful not to judge too quickly who is "fit" and who not to raise their kids. I would not paint anyone with a broad brush or blanket statement ---and I am sure no one here would, either. It's true there are unfit two-parent homes. I grew up in one. But I also believe kids are better off with both parent figures actively involved in their lives, even if that means they are in separate domiciles.

Any other insights from OB nurses on adoption?

Agreed.

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I agree with SBIC, a child is not always better off in a two parent home!! and what it sounded like to me was that you said, if a single mom has a baby, while she might do ok on her own, the baby would be better of given to a loving two parent home. I just want to congratulate you in comfirming all those sterotypes that are already out there about single mothers. I dont see how you can speak in such generalaztions! You dont know what is best for every child! My mother was a single mother for the most part, I grew up my first 17 years with an physcially abusive alcoholic father, who for the most part was emotionally abusive as well. I had a lot of problems but my mom finally made the decision to take my sister and I away from that and the three of us moved out and from that point on my life totally turned around! I always used to ask my mom why she never got remmarried and she always said, "I felt like I owed it to you and your sister to give all my concentration for what time I had left with you (meaning until we left for college). Now my sister and I have both graduated from college and I am pursing my masters degree, we are both happy, well rounded, productive memebers of society. I feel that bc my mom was a single parent the three of us are closer than we would have ever been if we had been with my father or with another man for that matter.

Also I know several people from two parent homes that are on drugs, in jail (as I worked at a juvenille corrective center after college) and from what they tell me their home had two parents and was a supportive environment. So how can you make those judgements! Nurses are supposed to be non-judgemental but that comment you made sure does sound like sterotyping, and it sounds very judgmental! While I dont condone having kids before you are married, I do realize that it happens and that child has just as good chance as anyother child born into a two parent home! The times are changing and we must change with them.

sorry just venting, it ticks me off when ppl make comments like that.

Ok, Galaxy, calm down. Being an adopted child myself, I favor adoption when the bio mom for whatever reason cannot/willnot care for the child.

As for being judgmental, I have strong opinions as if that is seen as judgmental then so be it.

Your situation was obviously a good one and things worked out very well for all of you and for that you should be eternally grateful to your mother. She sounds like a smart lady. There are, however, more situations involving single mothers that do not work out as well. I am not speaking in generalizations and yes, I do not know what is best for every child, but the MAJORITY of babies deseve a loving 2 parent home where the parents are committed to the child and her/his welfare.

Yes, I know times are changing, but not always for the better.

I see you are from Ohio. I used to live in Cleveland about 35 years ago or so and I still miss it.

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I am calm thank you, and as you both reminded, we are wayyy off track.

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Specializes in Gerontological Nursing, Acute Rehab.

To get the topic back on track.....

I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

The thread was started in order to ask us OB nurses "how we handle adoption situations"

NOT to extoll the virtues, or condemn the disadvantages of, SINGLE PARENTHOOD, thank you. :)

Have a good day everyone and thanks for sharing. :) It's been an interesting thread.

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
To get the topic back on track.....

I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.

wow thank you for sharing jkaee. Your story is very meaningful and it's so nice to hear from you who were affected by pregnancy situations and how you handled them. I thank you kindly for sharing. Your nurse sounded special indeed. I should be more like that person. Very nice! :)
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To get the topic back on track.....

I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.

Thank you jkaee! THIS is a profound and MEANINGFULL story to us as nurses and IS very pertinent to this thread. I started it to learn how to behave as a NURSE in an adoption situation, not to pass judngments on anyone.

So thanks again for bringing us back on track. :p

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To get the topic back on track.....

I gave a baby girl up for adoption when I was 17. I wanted to keep the baby with me until I was discharged, because I wanted her to go from my loving arms to her adoptive parents loving arms and not be stuck in the nursery alone for 3 days. The nurses treated me like any other OB patient, and never gave their opinion or advice about what I was doing (then again, I didn't ask for advice). The things I remember most was on my day of discharge, the nurse arranged for the hospital chaplain to visit me and say a prayer with me, and as I was sitting at the nurses station waiting to leave (and crying) a nurse just came up and squeezed my shoulder. Most of it's a blur now, but I do remember encouragement being given by the staff, and that was when I decided I wanted to become a nurse too. So, remain supportive and encouraging. That's all that really needs to be done.

This is so true. When I was nursing, I, too, supported any decision made. It's an emotional time where support and encouragement are needed. All of us felt that way. Well said.

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