Quote from OBNurseShelley
Yes, that is what I meant, they will come to terms with the imminent death and eventually death on their OWN TERMS. It's the statment, "MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND" that hit a button for me. It's similar to dealing with a teenager, you can't MAKE THEM UNDERSTAND anything, you have to hope you've given them all the CORRECT information and they will choose to understannd on their own time.
Thank you for clarifying my statement.
I'm just glad that I got it right.
Your initial post showed me that I was looking at the problem the wrong way, probably because of the circumstances involved with me sister. She has never come to a point of understanding, and in fact is now mentally and emotionally damaged to an extreme that I fear is permanent. Maybe that was already starting to happen from the moment she heard that her son would not live. I just assumed that her reaction was normal, but considering how she is now, 4 years later, I'd say that her initial reactions probably weren't the norm either. I know everyone greives in thier own way, but with her, it was like she didn't hear anything that was said.
After all this time, I'm fuzzy on some details but one example is that the baby was missing a valve related to his digestive system, and she could not understand why they couldn't do a transplant. His liver was destroyed, and again she wanted a transplant, and there were a host of other things as well. Now, I understood why she asked about transplants to begin with, seems like if somethings broke, you get a new one, right? But when the whole surgical team sat us down and explained why none of these things could be done, I could see thier point.
My sister, on the other hand, started trying to find loop-holes in what they said, and started thinking up outlandish ideas on how to fix each thing. So, how do you explain to a normally intelligent woman that even though the afterbirth LOOKS like liver, you cannot cut off a piece and use it as a liver?
So, I guess my question was aimed at this type of behavior, but I think your answer still applies. The understanding will come when they can accept it.