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babygirl3374 babygirl3374 (New Member) New Member

Nursing Student Advice

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I'm a senior nursing student that will be graduating in May 2019. I have been renting a room from an older woman, 74 to be close to school and work. The last 2 years have been fine but her son just notified me she is in the early stages of Dementia Dx by her doc. They are asking me to help with her meds, chores, shopping and keep an eye on her. Besides school I work 40 hrs a week and honestly...I do not feel comfortable with the responsibility even in exchange for less rent. She also has 4 kids that live 20 minutes away, 2 of whom do not work. Any good responses as to how to say "No". I honestly don't want the legal responsibility and don't have time to care for anyone. I feel bad, though.

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You say, "I'm sorry, I don't have the extra time and I don't feel comfortable taking on that kind of responsibility." Are you prepared to find another place to live?

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Agree. I would thank them for thinking of me and sincerely tell them I'm sorry but I am simply not comfortable with or prepared to take on that level of responsibility. Personally, I'd would feel awfully bad and uncomfortable telling them that "I don't have extra time" lest it be received as "I don't have time for her"- but I think elkpark is right and it's probably best to address the time angle straight-on too - if you don't there's probably a decent chance that they will ask for some kind of compromise or pressure you to at least attend to some of the needs. Besides, it's the truth...you don't have that kind of time.

Ugh. Sorry. You can have this conversation, though. Don't avoid them - call them up and tell them you wanted to touch base about their proposal, and then just head right straight into your 'thank you but it's not possible' response.

Also, please don't feel guilty. The truth is that your obligation to this woman is being met by keeping your rent agreement, being a good tenant and by being generally "neighborly"/friendly. And that is where your obligation ends.

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"I am a nursing student and not qualified to administer medications per board of nursing without a clinical instructor present. I am also rarely home due to working 40 hours per week + going to school full time."

"have you guys talked about using medicare/medicaid to pay for a home health aide/CNA? They can assist with these duties."

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^ This would not constitute "medication administration" and the activities/situation described would amount to a lay caregiver role.

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The statement is merely a way for them to avoid the situation. That's all.

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Gotcha.

Well, although the truth might be an uncomfortable, it's the honesty/sincerity that should ultimately make it easier for all involved - ya know? If they choose to not like the answer that's on them. Making up something they could easily recognize as untrue is the kind of thing that humiliates and angers people unnecessarily. OTOH, many/most people can recognize the respect that comes with sincerity. JM $.02.

:)

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Thanks, everyone. I am going to say no with the suggestions presented.

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Thanks, everyone. I am going to say no with the suggestions presented.

I'm curious how your conversation with the family members went, and if you still live there, etc. Hope you were successful!

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I'm curious how your conversation with the family members went, and if you still live there, etc. Hope you were successful!

me as well

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Hi all,

I took everyone's advice and it was accepted gracefully. I'm still living there, unfortunately, the land-lady is really going down hill fast. It was a good thing that I said no because now the family really sees how bad things are and that she needs professional care. She is also having hip replacement done Nov. 7th! I'm guessing this surgery with the Alzheimer's combined could make things much worse. They are planning on having her go into some sort of assisted living place eventually--now she's on a wait list. There is an aide now that comes during the day and her kids are now more involved. Her son was very nice and said not to worry about a place to live until maybe next year if even then. Thanks everyone. Any advice on experience about how surgery and anesthesia could make her Alzheimer's worse? Reading not so good things :(

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Hi all,

I took everyone's advice and it was accepted gracefully. I'm still living there, unfortunately, the land-lady is really going down hill fast. It was a good thing that I said no because now the family really sees how bad things are and that she needs professional care. She is also having hip replacement done Nov. 7th! I'm guessing this surgery with the Alzheimer's combined could make things much worse. They are planning on having her go into some sort of assisted living place eventually--now she's on a wait list. There is an aide now that comes during the day and her kids are now more involved. Her son was very nice and said not to worry about a place to live until maybe next year if even then. Thanks everyone. Any advice on experience about how surgery and anesthesia could make her Alzheimer's worse? Reading not so good things

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