Nursing School with no support from hubby and 4 kids...Can it be done?

kimsbratz · Aug 6, 2009

Don't be scared! Once you start school things will come back to you. :cool: I hope your husband comes around. I understand about the issues part. I don't think divorce or getting on welfare is the answer to your problems. That's my personal opinion. You can do it.

To the poster who said to get a digital recording device!! Thanks You! I'll be trying that out myself. :rcgtku:

mmt4 · Aug 6, 2009

I was a SAHM for many years while my husband was a military helicopter rescue pilot for 28 yrs and supported him (and his unit!) for all that time. He deployed every yr from 1991 to 2003 & was a Group Cmdr & had a lot of responsibilities. BUT he still supported us on the home front. He supported me when I was a major part of kicking SF Bay Area schools into gear for earthquake prep, he supported me in many other of my volunteer activities. ...
I felt like you...my brain is mush...my confidence was low. ...

I resemble this.

My husband is in CSAR in the AF and potentially has 16 yrs to go before retirement (if he does the whole 30). I have 4 kids and he can be as supportive as possible but that still won't change the months away from home, deployments, bizarre schedules and even on a good day, I could not rely on him to pick up the kids from care at 6 if I can't get out of a clinical til 7, b/c if the plane breaks 200 miles from base or the Col needs them to stay or WHATEVER! he can't go home.

I have been a SAHM for 11 yrs and my brain is mush too. My confidence is super low (so much doubt - is a demanding career something I want any more, or do I just want to work fewer hours or 8-5, leaving work at work, should I get my BSN, or should I just be a medical office assistant for a few yrs and see how I like it, what happens if I get into school and I am miserable - I can't stop, should I even do this at the risk/expense to my family time, well-being, etc...).

To the OP -I think it works out differently for different people. A huge part of that is psychological - I have a friend who is a competent nurse, but hated nursing school and to her, its a good challenging job, but not the love of her life. She plugged through school because the alternative was staying on public assistance. Sometimes its not that dire, but some way of keeping your eyes on the goal, why you are doing it, and knowing others have struggled with the balance and lack of support can help.

And that digital recorder is a great idea. :yeah: I never used recorders the first time around in college because I had lots of time to sit and study and microwave a quesadilla in 30 seconds for dinner. With a family and short on time, its one way to study while doing things like cleaning and folding laundry.

vintagemother, BSN, CNA, LVN, RN · Aug 9, 2009

i have been thinking about going back to school for nursing for the last couple of years but have been scared to try. i really need to get a good job and nursing matches a lot of things that i am looking for. back ground info: my husband will not help with the kids, the house or daycare costs:madface:... the 4 kids ages are 18, 7, and twins that are 4. ... i have mostly been a stay at home mom for the last 8 years so not much work experience in anything in particular. since i don't have much self confidence in myself or my situation and i don't see this changing untill i do something should i go for my lvn and try this before my rn???

i'm sorry to hear you're going through stressful times. i'm a mom of 3 kids ages 14, 10 and 4. i've been mostly a stay at home mom, too since i had my youngest and although i run a business at home, i've been out of school and the regular work force for a long time (9+ years). that makes it intimidating to go back. i second the idea another poster had of planning your school schedule around your kids schedule. since i didn't want the high cost of an online program, i'm taking 1 class on 2 days when dh is off work and the rest online and evenings through community colleges.

as far as lvn versus rn, i considered the time and cost investment of the "detour". another factor is your eventual goals. the lvn program is a shorter path to earning income, but in my area at least (northern ca), it doesn't really seem to lend itself to the rn program. the pre-reqs are even different. if you had to make some money fast, lvn might be a good option, but if your husband pays the bills, then maybe you should just go straight to an rn. since you already have your ba degree, you could also look at 2nd bachelor's bsn programs and also entry level masters programs. in my area, these programs take about the same amount of time as the adn / 2 year rn programs and appear to have less impaction problems.

allnurses has a lot of info for sahm's making the transition to nursing and scheduling / studying around their families needs. just do a search. sometimes, dh's do not always communicate with us in a manner that we can understand, but he may have some legitimate concerns about your going back to school and how it will affect him and the kids. i agree with the op who said that divorce is probably not the best option. try to be positive and sensitive to his feelings/needs, despite how he's making you feel, because this may help him to share his concerns with you and this may lead to a resolution.

i hope it all works out for you.

SummerMeadow · Aug 12, 2009

I have been thinking about going back to school for nursing for the last couple of years but have been scared to try. I really need to get a good job and nursing matches a lot of things that I am looking for. Back ground Info: My husband will not help with the kids, the house or daycare costs:madface:. He has a lot of issues which means I have a lot of issues. The 4 kids ages are 18, 7, and twins that are 4. The 18 year old is going to school this fall and working. So she can't be much help. I am in the DFW area. I have a Bachelors Degree in Psychology and Human Services. I have mostly been a stay at home mom for the last 8 years so not much work experience in anything in particular. Since I don't have much self confidence in myself or my situation and I don't see this changing untill I do something should I go for my LVN and try this before my RN???

I'm going back to school to get my LVN, then my RN, my hubby is the same way, and i have four kids. Im in the same situation as you. So we can help each other supermom.

SummerMeadow · Aug 12, 2009

try using these tips, and it should help i know it has me. it helped me know what i needed to do, verus something that could wait until later.

using time wisely

you might have all the time in the world, but if you don't use it wisely, it won't help you to meet your goals. procrastination is a problem for many students. the following are tips to help you deal with this issue:

clear your schedule. don't overextend yourself. recognize that your obligations and resulting stress are as important as other people's needs. set limits around being interrupted or rescheduling your work time to accommodate others. omit or reschedule some of your other obligations. you want to give full concentration to your studies without feeling guilty about what you're not doing.
get motivated. create a work area that is free from distractions and commit to staying there for at least one to two hours. if you get side-tracked, remind yourself how this activity will help you to meet your goals.
prioritize. what has to be done first? when is it due? what is worth more in terms of your grade? what is worth more in terms of your personal, educational, or career goals?
make sure you understand the task. ask questions. get help if you need it.
break down the task into chunks. estimate how much time you'll need to complete the task. don't try to do it all at one time. break it down so that it's "do-able" and not so overwhelming. stay up-to-date on assignments to help avoid overload.
it doesn't have to be perfect. some people are so afraid that they won't perform perfectly, they won't do anything at all. make sure you understand the expectations of your instructor. then evaluate how important the task is and what level of performance is acceptable to you. then just do it!
when you really hate it, try to make it as enjoyable as possible. work on this task first, while you have more energy. reward yourself when you complete certain aspects of the task. study with a friend.

study environment

once you have found the time to study, commit to a time and place that meets your needs. in order to do this, ask yourself whether the environment in which you are studying matches your learning style and preferences. based on your preferences, you should schedule your most challenging classes and intense study sessions in the environments that best match your needs. the following are some aspects of study environment you may need to consider.

time of day: whenever possible, you should schedule your most challenging courses and most intense study sessions during the time of day when you are most alert. ask yourself if you are more alert/productive during the morning, mid-day, or evening and schedule accordingly.

grouping: do you prefer to learn or study alone, in small groups, or in large classes? if your prefer small groups, do not sign up for large classes. try to get into classes where the instructor uses group activity as a teaching strategy. form study groups to prepare for tests and exams.

posture/mobility: some people prefer to sit at a table or desk (formal posture) in order to concentrate and study effectively. others are able to learn more easily while sitting comfortably on a sofa or lying on the floor (informal). still others need to move about in order to learn, and reading while walking on a treadmill might be appropriate. further, some people have the ability to sit and study for long periods of time (high persistence), while others need to take frequent breaks (low persistence). recognizing your posture and mobility needs will help you to plan where and when you should study.

sound: contrary to popular belief, not everyone needs to study in a perfectly quiet environment. however, if you do choose to study to music, choose baroque classical music. the tempo and instrumentation of this music seems to be most compatible with study and learning.

lighting: studies have shown that some people become depressed because of light deprivation during the winter months. if you are one of those people, you should try to study and spend as much time as possible in highly lit places. other studies have shown that reading ability can be affected by the light contrast between print and paper color. there is a high contrast between black letters printed on white paper. some people find it easier to read black print on blue or gray paper which has less contrast and is easier on their eyes. being aware that light does make a difference, you should study in the environment that best matches your learning preferences. temperature: while you can't always control the temperature of a room, you should be aware of your preference for either a cool or warm environment. dress in layers so that you can adjust to differences in classroom temperatures. choose to study in the environments in which you feel most comfortable.

TaraRae123 · Aug 12, 2009

I can't speak from a mom or wife position either. From expierience I know that kids can adjust to more than you think. I am a part time nanny and I have gotten wild, loud, and out of control kids in the begining of the summer to adjust to quiet times and reading sessions. Kids need a outlet where they can release their energy once a day. In most cases its school. During the summer it could be the beach, pool, camp or day care/play groups.

On the topic of no one their to support you, in my situation no one is their to hold my hand either. Life is to short to be miserable and I am sure you and your husband can come to a happy medium. Maybe he just doesn't know how much a career in nursing means to you.

I am a extreme planner so this is what keeps me sane. Write down everything. Tell your kids when they ask you for something to also write it down (on like a note pad in the kitchen) so you do not forget it. If they forget to write it down, they will soon learn not to.

Nursing is what makes me happy. I love being able to help people and make their hour/day/week/year/life better. If you feel the same way (or same feeling, different reason) than you have what it takes to become a nurse.

stacy8155 · Aug 12, 2009

My best suggestion is to do allllllll your pre-requisites online while home with the little ones. By the time you have classes that have to be done in person they will be in school full time and you can go during the day. Least impact on family and easiest on your sanity. Plus if you go for at least 6 credits per semester you can get a student loan or pell grant.