Okay, I will try to make this as brief as possible. Just finished Fundamentals in the Spring with a 92 while working full-time. I have a 2 1/2 year old son who stays with my inlaws until my husband comes home while I go to school/work. Well much to my excitement, and everyone's else's dissapointment, I am pregnant! Yay! But this raises concerns for me. My inlaws are not going to watch both children. Since it's a sore subject with everyone (except me!) we haven't discussed "who" will go to daycare-but I assume the new baby--which doesn't make since since my son actually would benefit from interacting with other children since he hasn't done very much of that ever. I HAVE to keep my job, there's no way around that. I would just like some objective analyses of the situation:
Negatives for continuing nursing school
-I still have four more semesters
-The semesters will only get more time-consuming and demanding
-Some classes in future semesters may have class times that interfere with my job (which is a pretty good one, might I add)
-most importantly, I will feel tremendous guilt for leaving my child in daycare for hours while I go to school/work--I already feel guilty about my 2 year old staying with his Papa and Grandma.
-I can take an online Masters in Teaching and do that and only be away from my kids 40 hours a week instead of the 70+ with school
Positives
-My husband and I are having a tough time, so should I need to support myself down the road I can
-This is what I really want to do
-My school will allow me take a semester "off" and resume again the next semester--so I can be home with my child the first 3 months without daycare.
Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Ok, if someone with two babies and a troubled marriage works full while going to school full time, the chances of the marriage surviving are very low. I think that is a very "objective analysis of the situation" which is what the op asked for.
Yes, that Laura, who may be like a nutritionist with a history of extra pounds telling people to eat more fruits and veggies and less cookies and exercise but is still giving good advice that has helped people I know who were in marriages where at least one spouse didn't want to try to begin with... Proper Care and Feeding is specifically about what wives can do in marriages where at least one of the spouses isn't trying.
The op is not a barefoot wifey with no marketable skills, education, or job history who couldn't feed herself if she had to. She has a full time job, teaching, I think, which will support a family of three - hense independence.
I stand by my previous comment for the reasons I stated and will add the OP did not ask for marriage advice, it's wrong to assume to know the problems in their marriage when it wasn't discussed. I think it's ill advice to tell someone to drop everything and devote to the marriage without having any other information on said marriage, and to leave school to do this. The OP is the one that said the pro to school was being able to provide for her family if she and the husband split up. I am not going to assume to know her financial situation and what she can and cannot support on her own with the job she currently has. JMO
To the OP: First of all CONGRATS!! You are happy about it, and that is all that matters! At least you know this child is coming into the world with one person who is beyond thrilled about them!!!! And lets all be honest, if we all waited for the "perfect time" to have children, we would never have any! There is always a reason you could wait, but that doesn't change the fact that in 9 months you will have a bundle of sweetness :)
Ok, on to your problem....is there any way you would be willing to take out a loan to hire an in house nanny? You could hire a nice little college girl (who is in school for child development or something :) ) and give here a little income while it helps you out tremendously! That way you will not "trouble" your in-laws with the kids, and you don't have to pay the insane price of both being in daycare. I know that no one wants to come out of school with huge amounts of loans, but if it can work for your family, then you should look into it.
Also look into grants you are able to get. You may be able to get some money that way and then you won't have to take out so many loans.
Not sure if it is something you would consider but just thought I would share my 2 cents
Congratulations on nursing school and the baby on the way! My :
Ok - - -let's just put aside nursing school for a moment---marriage is hard work no matter the circumstances. Yes, there could be more ideal situations to be in...but that just isn't how life works is it? Based on the info you provided, If I were you, I would
1. Stay in nursing school if you can. You've come this far. Besides, you surely didn't make that baby alone. You and husband need to have a honest conversation of what lies ahead while you work and continue to go to nursing school. No sugar coatin'. You lay out the plan:
You are committed to your marriage, your family, and finishing nursing school. Let him know it's going to be hard but you'll both need to be supportive. Now more than ever, you and husband are going to have to really keep the lines of communication open.
2. I agree w/~Mi Vida Loca~, put the 2 yr old in daycare. All three of my sons were in a daycare program that they loved which made the arrangement mutually beneficial. They interacted with other children their age, lots of learning through play, I could work and earn a living, you get the picture. You toddler will be fine.
3. If you can take a semester off, then do so and stay home w/ your new baby for a while. Then, get back to finishing nursing school.
I'm not trying to make this sound easy at all. Obviously, you and your husband have a tough road ahead. I just hope you get the support you need from your spouse and extended famliy to make it through because that can make the difference.
Ok, if someone with two babies and a troubled marriage works full while going to school full time, the chances of the marriage surviving are very low. I think that is a very "objective analysis of the situation" which is what the op asked for.
Yes, that Laura, who may be like a nutritionist with a history of extra pounds telling people to eat more fruits and veggies and less cookies and exercise but is still giving good advice that has helped people I know who were in marriages where at least one spouse didn't want to try to begin with... Proper Care and Feeding is specifically about what wives can do in marriages where at least one of the spouses isn't trying.
The op is not a barefoot wifey with no marketable skills, education, or job history who couldn't feed herself if she had to. She has a full time job, teaching, I think, which will support a family of three - hense independence.
Actually I want to be the barefoot wifey but my husband wants none of that--hence why he doesn't want more kids. If I could serve my husband's every need and raise 5 kids at home--I'd be thrilled. Believe me I have tried everything, I'm a devote Christian (he's not) and we've gone to counseling, I've read every book out there including the one you mentioned. Sometimes men just do not care about being family men.
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~Mi Vida Loca~RN, ASN, RN
5,259 Posts
I stand by my previous comment for the reasons I stated and will add the OP did not ask for marriage advice, it's wrong to assume to know the problems in their marriage when it wasn't discussed. I think it's ill advice to tell someone to drop everything and devote to the marriage without having any other information on said marriage, and to leave school to do this. The OP is the one that said the pro to school was being able to provide for her family if she and the husband split up. I am not going to assume to know her financial situation and what she can and cannot support on her own with the job she currently has. JMO