Nursing School Dilemma

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Okay, I will try to make this as brief as possible. Just finished Fundamentals in the Spring with a 92 while working full-time. I have a 2 1/2 year old son who stays with my inlaws until my husband comes home while I go to school/work. Well much to my excitement, and everyone's else's dissapointment, I am pregnant! Yay! But this raises concerns for me. My inlaws are not going to watch both children. Since it's a sore subject with everyone (except me!) we haven't discussed "who" will go to daycare-but I assume the new baby--which doesn't make since since my son actually would benefit from interacting with other children since he hasn't done very much of that ever. I HAVE to keep my job, there's no way around that. I would just like some objective analyses of the situation:

Negatives for continuing nursing school

-I still have four more semesters

-The semesters will only get more time-consuming and demanding

-Some classes in future semesters may have class times that interfere with my job (which is a pretty good one, might I add)

-most importantly, I will feel tremendous guilt for leaving my child in daycare for hours while I go to school/work--I already feel guilty about my 2 year old staying with his Papa and Grandma.

-I can take an online Masters in Teaching and do that and only be away from my kids 40 hours a week instead of the 70+ with school

Positives

-My husband and I are having a tough time, so should I need to support myself down the road I can

-This is what I really want to do

-My school will allow me take a semester "off" and resume again the next semester--so I can be home with my child the first 3 months without daycare.

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Follow your heart, because you will regret not going for your dream down the road. There will always be that factor of "what if"

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Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.

I would put the 2.5 year old in day care and not the infant. One the infant is going to cost twice as much, two, the toddler will benefit a lot more from it. I started nursing school when my daughter was 2.5, since I was now going full time I put her in a wonderful school, she was in the early pre k 2 class. Before this she only was around her siblings and for one of my classes she had a wonderful sitter but it was only twice a week for like 3 hours for one semester.

I have seen a HUGE change in her since starting school. All positive.

Congratulations on the baby.

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Mi Vida Loca,

Yes, I want to put my 2.5 year old in daycare and not the infant. I worry though that my inlaws may not give me that option:crying2: The feeling I get from them is " this is such bad timing, you should not have gotten pregnant, yada yada," so that they may pretty much say either we keep the older child or find a way to put them both in daycare. Since they are doing us such a tremendous favor by tending to our son I certainly will not stomp in their kitchen telling them what they should do--but hopefully when things quiet down a little they may listen to reason!

Thanks for your input.

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Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
Mi Vida Loca,

Yes, I want to put my 2.5 year old in daycare and not the infant. I worry though that my inlaws may not give me that option:crying2: The feeling I get from them is " this is such bad timing, you should not have gotten pregnant, yada yada," so that they may pretty much say either we keep the older child or find a way to put them both in daycare. Since they are doing us such a tremendous favor by tending to our son I certainly will not stomp in their kitchen telling them what they should do--but hopefully when things quiet down a little they may listen to reason!

Thanks for your input.

I don't know, I can understand them only wanting to watch one, but if they gave threats and saying this one not that one and stuff, I would have to say something, it's not up to them to decide when you get pregnant, you're not a child. Now again, I can understand if they are the ones watching them having a problem, but to say, well since you did this when we didn't feel you are ready we will punish you by watching this kid and not the baby. That I think is wrong.

It would be cheaper for you to find a nanny rather than put both in daycare.

But give it time. My dad was a jerk for every single one of my pregnancy's. The first I understood, I was 15 and refused to get an abortion. But my 4th, I was like 27 there was no reason he could look bad on it, well my sister got pregnant same time and he was so happy for her, but didn't talk to me. He was visiting and made my mom leave a day early because he was so mad at me. It was absurd. He got over it though within a few weeks. I ended up having the first and only granddaughter so far and he adores her.

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Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.

Oh and if your school will allow you to take the semester off and start back up again, I would go that route for the pros you listed.

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Specializes in ICU/ER/L&D.

One other thing you might consider is trying to pair up with another mom with similarly aged children who has a different schedule. This has worked for a friend of mine, they exchange days of watching children. Also, if your school has an early childhood program, there might be a student in that program that would agree to watch them for less than daycare, yet still be responsible.

As far as taking a semester off, be sure there is not a limit on doing this. For example, does the program have to be completed within a certain time frame? Could you take a semester off more than once if needed? For example, you mention there are issues in your marriage. What if you were to divorce? Would that lead to another semester taken off?

Also, I would look into scholarships. Some states offer scholarship money if you agree to continue working in that state (ex-pay for a year of college if you work in that state 1 year after becoming a nurse) and also local hospital scholarships if they exist. You would have the benefit of more experience and at least here, some hospitals offer reduced childcare for their employees and full scholarships for a work commitment. Some places will even let you combine the state money and the hospital money. This might ease the burden of your need to work, at least somewhat.

Of course, this could also depend on whether you or your husband carries the benefits. I would sit down and take time to seriously consider what you would do if you split up tomorrow. I hope things work out well for your family, of course, but have a backup plan ready if it were to happen suddenly. I have seen the stress of school upset the balance of a shaky marriage for many of my students. It sounds depressing to plan for the worst, but just knowing you have a plan in place for childcare, finances, living arrangements can help. It sounds as if the in-laws are quite manipulative. Remember, at the heart of it, you are trying to do something very positive for yourself and for your family's financial future. Don't ever give up, even if your route to success takes longer or is not as linear as your classmates without families. Whatever you decide, do not give up on your dream even if you do need to defer it.

PS- find at least a few minutes each day for yourself, even if you have to hide in the bathroom for some peace. This is not an easy thing, but it is worth it.

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I would read Laura Schlessinger's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" Dr. Gary Chapman's book "Five Love Languages". Then drop school (nursing and teaching) to devote time and energy to your marriage. You can go to school later. Rebuilding your marriage will gain soooo many benefits (financial, emotional for the two of you and your children).

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Specializes in Emergency Dept. Trauma. Pediatrics.
I would read Laura Schlessinger's book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" Dr. Gary Chapman's book "Five Love Languages". Then drop school (nursing and teaching) to devote time and energy to your marriage. You can go to school later. Rebuilding your marriage will gain soooo many benefits (financial, emotional for the two of you and your children).

It takes 2 to make a marriage work, she did not detail the problems of her marriage, if she drops everything for him and it still doesn't work out, where does that leave her? Is he going to leave and still pay for everything so she can go back to school until she graduates and finds a job.

I don't think it's ever wise to advise someone to give up on their schooling which will grant them independence, to work on a marriage that we have no details about, especially when working on a marriage has to be something BOTH people want and BOTH people devote 100% too.

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You mean the same Dr Laura who started sleeping with her first husband when he was married and had 3 kids?

You have no idea why the marriage is in trouble. Maybe it's not even worth saving. The OP didn't ask for marriage advice.

OP: I would suggest looking into what financial aid you can get and possibly quitting your job or reducing hours if possible. Why do you need your job? Insurance? Money? Student loans can be a very good thing. My fiance has like $30k in student loans but it was necessary for him to go to school. It sounds scary, and lots of people are SO anti-debt and will talk you out of it, but his $30k allowed him to get a job starting at $35k/year (good for Texas) and room for advancement vs a minimum wage dead end job. It sounds like you've got a lot on your plate and cutting back on work will give you more time with your kids, possibly less guilt about daycare, more time for you, more time for school, and more time for your marriage (if you so choose).

I hope your inlaws are willing to watch the baby. I've seen a lot of reluctant grandparents come around as the pregnancy progresses, and especially once the baby is born so all hope isn't lost.

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Ok, if someone with two babies and a troubled marriage works full while going to school full time, the chances of the marriage surviving are very low. I think that is a very "objective analysis of the situation" which is what the op asked for.

Yes, that Laura, who may be like a nutritionist with a history of extra pounds telling people to eat more fruits and veggies and less cookies and exercise but is still giving good advice that has helped people I know who were in marriages where at least one spouse didn't want to try to begin with... Proper Care and Feeding is specifically about what wives can do in marriages where at least one of the spouses isn't trying.

The op is not a barefoot wifey with no marketable skills, education, or job history who couldn't feed herself if she had to. She has a full time job, teaching, I think, which will support a family of three - hense independence.

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Ok, if someone with two babies and a troubled marriage works full while going to school full time, the chances of the marriage surviving are very low. I think that is a very "objective analysis of the situation" which is what the op asked for.

Yes, that Laura, who may be like a nutritionist with a history of extra pounds telling people to eat more fruits and veggies and less cookies and exercise but is still giving good advice that has helped people I know who were in marriages where at least one spouse didn't want to try to begin with... Proper Care and Feeding is specifically about what wives can do in marriages where at least one of the spouses isn't trying.

The op is not a barefoot wifey with no marketable skills, education, or job history who couldn't feed herself if she had to. She has a full time job, teaching, I think, which will support a family of three - hense independence.

You don't have to be married to be happy. In fact, I got divorced because I wanted to be on my own. It's a much better situation for my ex-spouse, who by the way is still my best friend, myself and my son. My son was so confused when we would start to fight and he would cry and cry. We are a much tighter family unit now that no one is fighting, my ex does still spend a lot of time with us but we just don't have the issues that we had.

Neither here nor there, IMHO. If the OP wants to continue on with her dream, I am telling you, it can be done with or without hubby. Nursing is a great career with many possibilities (even though the economy is bad now) and she will be better for following her dream.

OP - First of all, congrats on the new addition! Second, you have many different paths of possibilities in your future and good for you for wanting to make a better life for yourself and family. For me, I would go ahead and continue with your nursing dream. I know that it's hard now but it's only a short while and your littlest one won't even remember that you weren't there during the day. Is it possible to cut back on hours at work? Is it possible to take out a couple of loans or refinance so that you can stop working? Is it possible to get assistance with daycare costs? I hope everything works out with the in-laws. They can be so hard to work with sometimes! Can your husband talk to them? Good luck and let us know how it goes.

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