nursing school - the cost on a child

ms_sgr, BSN, NP · Sep 22, 2011

Yes, I completely understand. Last year and this year was almost hell for me. My breaking point was when she wrecked my car and admitted herself to a behavioral center. After that I dropped her off at my sister house and I reentry gave my mom temporary custody. I have three kids and it was too much for me to deal with a teenager who didn't want to abide by my rules. Now I am down to one child, and life is great. I sent my other daughter to stay with her dad because she didn't want to abide by the rules either.

Just_Dez · Sep 23, 2011

I'm right there with you. I have 4 kids and we went through hell for the first 4 weeks. They still act up every so often. My oldest is 7 and she threw tantrums like you wouldn't believe. I have had many nights where I stayed awake crying, wondering if my dreams was ruining my family. I have toyed with quiting school and going back to being a stay at home mom, but things are slowly coming around. I get a lot of help from my babysitter and mom. My mom takes my kids once a month for the weekend to give them a break and let them just relax.

I don't know how old your kids are, but I sat down with my oldest and tried as best as I could to explain why I was going to school. Then I promised her (and so far have kept to it) once a month we will do something just me and her (and the other kids at other times). It can be just a walk, a drive, even a picnic. Something that I can give her 100% of my attention and love, that REALLY helped.

kirbycruiser · Sep 23, 2011

Sounds like they are looking for attention. Be honest but firm with them. Children do not run a house, parents do. It may be tough to transition but many families have gone before you. It can be done! Its not easy to juggle work, school, etc. and still manage to be a GREAT parent but it can be done. Give your children your undivided attention when it is time for that, it might take some practice and getting use to but you will learn what limits you need to set, just don't be afraid to set them.

My situation is different because I have always worked two jobs or very long hours to support my son as a single mom. Now that he is older I told him that I am sorry I was not there as much as I wanted to be. He said "Mom, I can't remember you not ever being there" that melted my heart but it also means I didn't screw him up either.

Your children will look back on these days with admiration for you and your determination to give yourself and them a better life.

SnMrsSmiley · Sep 23, 2011

i also have three kids. ages 4, 7, and 9. I sped as much time as I can with them, meaning i get little to no sleep because school work comes after they go to bed or while they are at school and im not in class. I also give each kid an entire Sunday with just the two of us and the sunday before a big test is my sunday alone to really get into the school work im having trouble with. its hard but when its over it will be worth it. You will have your dream and your kids will live a better life because of it. Good luck!

keepmovingrn · Sep 23, 2011

Aftering reading these post, you all have inspire me to keep pushing on:hug:

BeenThereDoneThat74, MSN, RN · Sep 23, 2011

This is a great thread to start. I think you'll get a LOT of posters who can sympathize with you.

As a professor, I spend a lot of time doing schoolwork (prepping for lectures), so I can definitely relate. I have plans to go back to school someday. My daughter (11) tells me "I want you to become a 'doctor', go back to school". The reality is, I don't know that she's ready for the commitment I need to put in.

Any time there is a significant change in the routine, it's going to effect our children, no matter how old they are. Most kids crave the attention of their parents, because they love them. If any of you were stay at home parents, this is a huge adjustment for them. If you're the type of mom (or dad) who did everything for their children, (or not even everything. but even something simple as being home when they get home from school) and suddenly now they need to do for themselves, it's another big adjustment. They may be feeling that school or work is more important than they are. Last week, I had a sit down with mine, explaining that she is the most important thing, but that I HAVE to do my job well, in order to provide for her. I know not every kid is gonna understand that (and there are days where she doesn't want to hear it). But I think what's very important is to not feel guilty about the sacrifices you are making (because they are temporary, and well worth it in the end).

A few things that I believe help the situation:

- Keep organized: schedule studying time (and make sure they are occupied; maybe enlist the help of family, or friends for playdates). That way they are not running amuck while you're trying to study (b/c you know you're not going to get any quality studying done).

- Schedule special mom/child time: time that is dedicated to them, with no books in hand. You and your kids both deserve it. Give them your undivided attention, but set a time limit. Depending on the age, make a calendar/schedule. That way they can see when their special time is, and can come up with ideas on what you'll do together.

-Talk to them; let them explore how you being in school makes them feel. They may be afraid to express how they feel about it all (knowing how important this is to you). Or they manot be able to express themselves(hence, acting out). . Seek the help of a school guidance counselor, if necessary. Or even ask the teacher how they are acting, or if they mention that things are different now that mommy is in school.

It is really tough to multi task as a student. But it can be done.

kids · Sep 23, 2011

My starting school was very stressful for all of us and my kids did act out to some degree especially in the beginning.

My kids were young, 4-7 years old, when I started the actual nursing program.

I was a single parent of three with only my mother as my real support through most of my schooling.

What worked for us was establishing and keeping routines like dinner, bath and bedtime at the same times every day.

At some point every day I found 15-20 minutes for uninterrupted one on one time with each child.

I simplified what I could, we ate a lot of crock pot dinners and most evenings we worked together to get dinner on the table and we always sat down and ate together.

We did some sort of outing together every weekend, nothing fancy, just 1-2 hours at the park, library or local nature trail or river walk.

And sometimes I resorted to dangling the carrot of how our lives would change when mommy got done with school and got a job, how much more time and money we would have. I got my kids to buy into the long term benefits of my getting through school (even little kids understand the concept).

It's important to remain consistent in expectations and consequences, mommy being distracted with school is not an excuse for unacceptable behavior.

Yes, I completely understand. Last year and this year was almost hell for me. My breaking point was when she wrecked my car and admitted herself to a behavioral center. After that I dropped her off at my sister house and I reentry gave my mom temporary custody. I have three kids and it was too much for me to deal with a teenager who didn't want to abide by my rules. Now I am down to one child, and life is great. I sent my other daughter to stay with her dad because she didn't want to abide by the rules either.

Gee, as a single parent it never occurred to me to dump off responsibility for my difficult teenagers on someone else. What a brilliant idea, I could have saved myself all that time, money and effort if I'd just shipped them off like an unwanted pet instead of parenting them.

P B and J · Sep 24, 2011

Gee, as a single parent it never occurred to me to dump off responsibility for my difficult teenagers on someone else. What a brilliant idea, I could have saved myself all that time, money and effort if I'd just shipped them off like an unwanted pet instead of parenting them.

Sorry but this statement is incredibly rude, hurtful, and completely unhelpful to this topic. Until we are in someone's shoes, we can never know what someone is dealing with, or how we would cope in their situation. Let's please be supportive to each other and not be judgmental.

JBMmom, MSN, NP · Sep 24, 2011

Nursing school hasn't been the easiest thing on my family, but I know that my kids are learning that hard work is worth the rewards. A few years of crazy schedules, missed bedtimes, missed soccer games (like today), are probably hurting less in reality than in my mind. I don't think my kids are going to grow up and remember me as an absent parent for these few years of a crazy schedule. I also don't study nearly as much as I could. But I'm happy enough to get by with Bs, and spend the time at home without my nose in a book. I realize I'm lucky that I can get by with my efforts and not everyone can, but remember, nursing school isn't forever. You, and your kids, will all get through. Good luck to all.

kids · Sep 24, 2011

Sorry but this statement is incredibly rude, hurtful, and completely unhelpful to this topic. Until we are in someone's shoes, we can never know what someone is dealing with, or how we would cope in their situation. Let's please be supportive to each other and not be judgmental.

When someone brags about dumping their kids people have every right to be judgmental and not supportive.

The post I quoted was pretty darn unhelpful to the topic also, I at least posted some realistic coping strategies.

rwgouge · Sep 25, 2011

I to wonder at times if this sacrifice that my family is dealing with is worth the grief and frustration as I journey towards my second career. I work part time and go to school full time. My three children are teens, two girls 13 and 16, My boy is almost 16. I am a much older mother and student, 51 yrs of age so I knew that the road would be a difficult journey. My children are so very busy and growing up so fast. One day they will be gone and out on their own. The thing I struggle with is that I do not want to miss their last years in the house, but I want to send a message clearly to them that anything is possible no matter what the odds.

I do love nursing school and even though I am not doing as well as I would like to and it takes a lot more time for me to soak the material into my brain, I do feel that this is the path that God wants me to take but, it can be very frustrating at times especially when I have to fore go the football, volleyball games and miss seeing my daughter perform in the high school band. This is my first year and sometimes I just feel beside myself about this decision.