What are some of the most ridiculous things patients have asked of you?

Nurses Humor

Published

what are some of the most ridiculous or outrageous things patients have asked of you? i am nurse one of two nurses with 4 patients the other night in delivery. place was hopping. i answered the light of one of the other nurses patients, who was a very immature primip (married), whom we were certain, at some point, due to her clinical picture, was going to be a c/s. she wanted to make certain i knew how to detach her from the monitor and help her to the bathroom. no problem. however, not two minutes after i had left the room, she rang again and began yelling. her nurse was busy (did i mention we had 3 other patients in active labor?) so i went in, expecting some sort of major problem. she asked me to scratch her ass...in those words, exactly...i was taken aback and she had to have noticed my facial expression as she quickly countered that she couldn't reach and her husband, who was wide awake next to her, didn't want to do it....i am ashamed to say that i did put on some gloves and not too willingly scratched it, but when she insisted we start wiping her after trips to the bathroom, i just had to ask how she had managed to reach herself all the months leading up to her current admission. she was also ruptured so there was no way....she was a real trip....i have also had patients ask that we pop zits and in my cardiac unit days, some of the requests from patients are just too risque to repeat, but never had i had such wacky requests on a regular basis, until i transferred to ob...how about all of you?

Now ...THAT is funny!

Specializes in cardiac, diabetes, OB/GYN.

Come to think of it I have had a lady tell me she was on latex and rabbit pills ( in my er days)...That would be lasix and verapamil, by the way...

Originally posted by JEA616

After 20 years in Nursing there are an infinitr number. One stands out. I was on 3-11 in L&D during a rare quiet night. I answered the phone and was told by the operator there was a patient with a question of a personal nature. In my most courteous tone I asked the patient what I could for for her. She said she had an emergency and was almost hysterical. I calmed her down so she could speak rationally. She then asked me how many calories were in semen. I of course couldn't answer because I was in tears of laughter on the floor surrounded by 4 other hysterically laughing nurses.:roll

reminds me of that joke...punchline is"honey, if you're doin' that, the guys aren't gonna care if you're a little chunky..."

Specializes in correctional, psych, ICU, CCU, ER.

THese tales are TOO funny. LMAO

When I was a new LPN, had pts ask how much longer before I became A real nurse (RN)

Since I'm in a jail, I come across a lot of men pleasuring themselves. Some of our newer nurses run screaming for the hills. I look at them while they're yelling for me to look at them OOHH baby, and I ask them "Is that the best you can do?" laugh and turn my back, while the other guys in the tank ride him "oh, she got you ,bro!" "she told you " etc.

I remember being in labor, I would not have had the nerve to ask a nurse to scratch my butt. LORD!!!

Specializes in LTC/Peds/ICU/PACU/CDI.
originally posted by mother/babyrn

what are some of the most ridiculous or outrageous things patients have asked of you? i am nurse one of two nurses with 4 patients the other night in delivery. place was hopping. i answered the light of one of the other nurses patients, who was a very immature primip (married), whom we were certain, at some point, due to her clinical picture, was going to be a c/s. she wanted to make certain i knew how to detach her from the monitor and help her to the bathroom. no problem. however, not two minutes after i had left the room, she rang again and began yelling. her nurse was busy (did i mention we had 3 other patients in active labor?) so i went in, expecting some sort of major problem. she asked me to scratch her ass...in those words, exactly...i was taken aback and she had to have noticed my facial expression as she quickly countered that she couldn't reach and her husband, who was wide awake next to her, didn't want to do it....i am ashamed to say that i did put on some gloves and not too willingly scratched it, but when she insisted we start wiping her after trips to the bathroom, i just had to ask how she had managed to reach herself all the months leading up to her current admission. she was also ruptured so there was no way....she was a real trip....i have also had patients ask that we pop zits and in my cardiac unit days, some of the requests from patients are just too risque to repeat, but never had i had such wacky requests on a regular basis, until i transferred to ob...how about all of you?

...because i wouldn't of done the a$$ scratching thing...too close to kissing the a$$ if you know what i mean...:rotfl: lol!!! you're a much better :saint: person than i am...in that department...that's for sure!!!

In the nursing home I used to work at there was a man with a masturbation problem. You knew if you were going to touch him at all, you put on gloves.

Well, he told me he had an accident (and his hand was in his pants). I got him into the bathroom and gloved up. He grabbed my hand and asked me to finish for him!!!!!!!! EWWW

To top it off, he had been my grandma's neighbor for years, and I was good friends with all of his grandkids. He was always such a sweet man. Makes you wonder what he was like in his youth...did he get it alot (hence the masturbating prob) or not at all (hence the masturbating prob)?

Kristy

ugh.

GI bleed,etoh abuse,frequent ativan, banana bag,4 way reatraints.....you`ve all seen it many times........anyways.....4am...he rouses and says "hey pretty woman, the handcuffs are fun, but don`t you think they can come off now?"

LMAO cactus, that's hysterical!

I had a patient once ask that I ensure his Viagra Rx get filled before the carnvial weekend. (The biggest weekend of the season) Guess he was gonna make some fireworks of his own.

Does that sound like a ridiculous request?::::imbar

Specializes in cardiac, diabetes, OB/GYN.

Iuck! And I learned my lesson in the ass scratchong dept. I will probably never live that one down. Still "cracks" people up to this day...

I had a terminal Ca. pt. with the most horrible fulmigating tumor on her chest wall and shoulder. She loved her dogs, and used to ask me to give them a biscuit on my way out!

I love dogs, so I didn't mind at all....

+ Add a Comment