Share Your Funniest Patient Stories... - page 24

I had a handover for a patient who was being transferred to me from the admissions ward, she was to be nil by mouth as she was sheduled for a laparotmy the following morning as she had swallowed her hearing aid!!!
she was transferred to the ward, so i couldnt resist taking a look at her xrays, and there plain as day was her hearing aid on the xray! i couldnt believe my eyes.
later on in the night we were turning this patient when we found a hearing aid in the bed, clean as a whistle and obviously not passed through any of the usual bodily openings, it turns out the hearing aid was tucked inside her knickers when she had the xray, which led the doctor to believe she had swallowed it.
i really enjoyed telling him about it all in the morning, he blushed a nice shade of red!!!

My mom works LTC and had a pt needing an enema. He is standing in the BR hands on the sink. As soon as she starts the enema, he burst out in song "God bless America!" sang the whole thing. A couple years later I'm in NSG school... for my "well elder" project I am required to interview someone over 60. I chose someone I met at church. She tells me her late husband was a resident at the facility where my mom works. We stop by to see my mom... they remember each other... My mom says, "he had a beautiful singing voice" and his widow replies "I never heard him sing."

Had stopped to answer a call light on tele. Very tall, very thin, long legged pt on the floor, legs splayed out, struggling to rise. 2 banana peels on the chair, 2 bananas on the bed. Didn't see any bananas under pt though. Couple more staff come in and we get pt back to bed. As we are walking out the door, male nurse says, "for a minute there, I thought you slipped on a banana." We all busted up laughing.

3 codes at the same time
" once in an A shift in the CCU where I was working , i was looking to central monitor ,, Guess all what happened??!
earthquake,,,,,,,, 6.5 degree ,, then one of the coded clients screamed "ooooooh ,, earthquake "
the ECG monitor sensed the earthquake waves and started to artifact,,, but there were some waves not artifacts , they were ( 2 v-tachs . 1 v-f)
it was really a hard day , but we then celebrated our suceeded interventions ... basel

I work in L&D and recently had a patient come to triage with complaints of head lice...so the ER wheels her up and she has shampoo in her hair....Flea & Tick shampoo....she said it was burning her scalp. Some people shouldn't be allowed to breed.

I also had a patient come in complaining of contractions...she said she didn't know if they were real or "Briggs & Stratton" contractions. I asked her if she was giving birth to a lawnmower. Ha!

flea bite us..
hehe
good one

a known etoh patient is brought by ambulance almost every single night for alcohol intoxication. like any other alcoholics he sleeps it off until everyone sobers up and gets discharged in the morning. around 6 am, this known etoh pt came walking to er to "get treated." I met him in the er hallway and just joked with him, "you walk just fine willie. you're discharged."

he just turned around said thank you and left. did I discharge him? I sure did! lol

everyone in the nurse's station laughed at the top of their lungs!

runaway

I used to work on a triage help phone line (we call it info-sante here don't in usa) where pt call to have advice before going at the emerg for nothing...a pt call and told me he tried to put a *suppositoire (sorry don't know the correct word in english) in bathroom without turning on the light the night before, when he got up in the morning, he found the supp in the bathroom but never found the tipe of the toothpaste tube!!!

I had a young man who had ortho surgery. He was cussing and complaining about pain after he woke up. This went on for several minuites while I was trying to get his pain under control. The cussing was pretty vulgar and unrelentless. Pretty soon in a whiney voice he said "I want my mommy". He lost some credibility as a "tough guy":chuckle .

Another one I just remember...
As a school nurse, I sent a 16 years old teenager to the medical office for a throat infection, where he received an antibiotic prescription from the doctor, I always ask to come to tell me the result of the consultation. When I asked, did your start the medication, he told me, I don't know how to get it...Well, go to the pharmacy...He told me...I can't ...I don't understand what it says on the order and don't know what to ask the pharmacist!!! too cute...

Well.....
In my job I have the "priveledge" of accompanying patients to and in their Doctor appointments. This particular day I am with a lady who is going in for a pelvic exam.

This lady is a very matter of fact woman who speaks seriously and non jokingly. (You will know why I am giving this piece of info. in a moment. bear with me.)

She is on th table for the exam, stirrups and all, and the Doctor is doing the exam, The Nurse is on one side of her and I am, at this woman's request, holding her hand. The Dr. is really having a hard time, his face is turning slightly red as he is "inside" and palpating her abdomen. The Patient is grimacing and he finally says while still doing the job, " I am having a hard time finding the cervix." Calmly and plainly this woman says, "Probably cause I ain't got one no more."

I have a good rapport with this Physician and Nurse and it was ALL I could do to contain myself for the sake of the Patient. The Doc's face was red as fire! (It's not like he didn't have her chart in front of him!)

When we were on the FIRST day on our FIRST clinical we were in our patient rooms. I was going down the hall to get some linen when a male student in my group called out to me from his room. He already had another female student in there feeling of this ladies pulse as they could not get any vital signs. I took one look at her felt her pulse and said, (You have probably guessed it) "I think she's dead!" I went to the Nurses station and got the nurse, the Doctor came and asked how long they were there, etc., etc. It was funny when it was over though not at the time but it broke us in!

this isn't my story but a story from my wonderful preceptor from my senior year of preceptorship...

she works on the neuro/ortho unit nights. in the middle of the night one of her patients pressed the call button and said that her roommate stole her purse... she did this a few other times. my preceptor went in to investigate. her purse was safe and sound. again, the patient presses the call button and says that her purse was stolen by her roomate. a few minutes later you see the patient walking down the hall with a foley... it was not hers but the roommates...

one more from my preceptor

a male patient was found in a plastic garbage bag. it turns out that he had pulled out all his lines and foley and was bleeding tremendously. because of this, he emptied the garbage bag and put himself in it so as not to make a mess.

I have so many ... but the funniest was fromy days in Geriatric Psych. We had this little 86 y/o lady... she had owned a bridal shop. Still dressed to the nines, with her rouge neatly painted in a circle on each cheek. Our halls. like lots of units was fairly long. She was walking up and down the hallway, looking in each door, and finally stopped at the nurses station, and said "Excuse me miss, can you tell me how to get off this airplane???" I swear to you, true story.