Nurse hand me the...

Nurses Humor

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(After just changing from a floor nurse to a desk nurse) a Dr. came in and was sitting in front of the charts going through hospital records.

"Nurse, do we have a staple remover?" I quickly handled him the paper staple remover from the unit clerks desk.

The look of surprise and then laughter was priceless...on both of our faces.

Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.
mountain dew with a couple drops of blood for a routine urinalysis really fools the lab tech...poor unsuspecting diabetic with a uti or worse!

We did this to our lab tech when I worked at a community health center. The results were nigh on unbelievable, but I told the tech I hadn't been feeling well so I dipped my own urine (it was actually apple cider). She flipped out when she saw the results but she flipped out more when we told her what we'd done. :D

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Specializes in family practice and school nursing.
Oh, wow. Did they have to recalibrate the machine?

oops.. I hope it didn't hurt the machine....it was a long time ago... :)

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Specializes in family practice and school nursing.
We did this to our lab tech when I worked at a community health center. The results were nigh on unbelievable, but I told the tech I hadn't been feeling well so I dipped my own urine (it was actually apple cider). She flipped out when she saw the results but she flipped out more when we told her what we'd done. :D

That is too funny.. if I recall our tech flipped out a little too :)

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oops.. I hope it didn't hurt the machine....it was a long time ago... :)

I'm sure that if it damaged the machine, you would have heard ALL about it!

It's kind of impressive that they can handle that much sugar!

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(After just changing from a floor nurse to a desk nurse) a Dr. came in and was sitting in front of the charts going through hospital records.

"Nurse, do we have a staple remover?" I quickly handled him the paper staple remover from the unit clerks desk.

The look of surprise and then laughter was priceless...on both of our faces.

I dont get it.....

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Specializes in Post Anesthesia.
I was working a night shift and a patient of ours was getting an art line placed. He was very very obese man. He had a very large pannus that i think hung to his knees. So the attending came in and was telling me "Dr. ____ is going to do the art line. this is his first one" (patient is sedated and on a vent so he didnt hear that). The dr. was just letting me know since "nurses know all"

anyway...so in the room its me, the attending and the resident.

The resident and the attending decided they wanted to do femoral. im sitting here thinking its not the best idea because of his very large porifice (hard to keep clean, not to mention difficult to insert).

So keep in mind that i'm very small, im 23 years old, 5'2 and 115 lbs. And these 2 doctors are both over 6 ft tall. So of course they adjust the bed to their height.

I'm all gowned up, and there for when they need their tools or an extra hand. Then i see they are having difficulty getting it in because of his pannus. So i go over stick my arms under the sterile drape and hold his pannus back thinking it would be only a couple minutes. NOPE!!!!! it was 30 minutes later and im still holding this giant mans pannus, my back is killing me since im not in the best position and another 20 minutes go by and resident finally gets it in......

The good news is when you d/c the art line your patient comes with a self applying adipose sandbag. Heaven help him if he dosen't clot well- he could bleed out before you see any hematoma.

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Specializes in L&D, CCU, ICU, PCU, RICU, PCICU, & LTC..
I dont get it.....

I had to read it a couple of times too, and did not get it till the post about the surgical instruments (Henway).

She handed him a staple remover for groups of papers stapled together. He was wanting a surgical staple remover to take the staples out of a patient.

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Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
The good news is when you d/c the art line your patient comes with a self applying adipose sandbag. Heaven help him if he dosen't clot well- he could bleed out before you see any hematoma.

OMG!!! I can't stop laughing! I am hyperventilating! ADIPOSE SANDBAG! Bwaaahaaaahaaa!

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... He was very very obese man. He had a very large pannus that I think hung to his knees. ...

Not being a health professional myself, I was unfamiliar with this term. From context, I guessed it was something I have myself, but just to be sure, I called up a dictionary definition on my browser. I was a bit surprised when the only definition I found was

pannus [ˈpænəs]n (Life Sciences & Allied Applications / Veterinary Science) an inflammatory fleshy lesion on the surface of the eye[from Latin, literally cloth]

But it gets worse. The dictionary website also gives usage of the word, and one of the examples for this (the only one that didn't refer to the eye condition) describes "stomach pannus" as

Excess skin hanging down over the public region...
Public?
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Specializes in Cardio-Pulmonary; Med-Surg; Private Duty.
Public?

I guess that would depend on whether you were a stripper/hooker or not! ;)

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I guess that would depend on whether you were a stripper/hooker or not! ;)

I don't think I'd like to see a stripper with a hanging pannus!

:dncgbby::grn:

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I was working a night shift and a patient of ours was getting an art line placed. He was very very obese man. He had a very large pannus that i think hung to his knees. So the attending came in and was telling me "Dr. ____ is going to do the art line. this is his first one" (patient is sedated and on a vent so he didnt hear that). The dr. was just letting me know since "nurses know all"

anyway...so in the room its me, the attending and the resident.

The resident and the attending decided they wanted to do femoral. im sitting here thinking its not the best idea because of his very large porifice (hard to keep clean, not to mention difficult to insert).

So keep in mind that i'm very small, im 23 years old, 5'2 and 115 lbs. And these 2 doctors are both over 6 ft tall. So of course they adjust the bed to their height.

I'm all gowned up, and there for when they need their tools or an extra hand. Then i see they are having difficulty getting it in because of his pannus. So i go over stick my arms under the sterile drape and hold his pannus back thinking it would be only a couple minutes. NOPE!!!!! it was 30 minutes later and im still holding this giant mans pannus, my back is killing me since im not in the best position and another 20 minutes go by and resident finally gets it in.

The next day when i worked a night shift the Resident brought me some cookies for holding a giant pannus :)

Oh wow, does this bring back a memorial event on clinicals! We had a student in our class who had recently come to the US from Russia. We had an obese patient with extensive ulcerations on his legs and abdomen. The Doc came in on rounds with his team to show them the ulcerations, and asked our Russian student to "hold up his pannus" so the team could evaluate the wounds. Without a moment of hesitation, our student groped UNDER the pannus, and proclaimed " I got it, Doctor!" Needless to say, she didn't have a hand on the patient's pannus, but the patient looked happy nonetheless! The look on the Doc's face was priceless!

(However, as the nurse was fluent in 4 languages, our instructor did cut her some slack...):yeah:

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