Sorry if this has been posted before....
Dave
The Rules - This Time By Men
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now
here are the rules from the male side. These are our
rules! Please note, these are all numbered "1", On
Purpose!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl.
If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it
down. You don't hear us whining about you leaving it
down.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not
quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet
again!
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with
it.
1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always
more attractive than short hair. One of the big
reasons guys fear getting married is that married
women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck
with her.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never
going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this
one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not
work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and
anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently
beforehand.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which
pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to
almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help
solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your
girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.
1. Check your oil! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void
after 7 days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. We refuse to answer.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways,
and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant
the other one.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's
genetic.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us
how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it,
just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to
say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and
neither do we.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was
the first two months we were going out. Get over it.
And quit whining to your girlfriends.
1. All men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default
settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a
color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what
mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our
lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how
little we care about you.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we
will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying,
but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to,
expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything
you wear is fine. Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you
are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the
shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless
it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't
really matter what they're saying anyway.)
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take
the quiz together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
1. Beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
1. I'm in shape. Round is a shape.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to
sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really
don't mind that, it's like camping.
