Giving pills to a Cat

  1. You've possibly seen this before but it definitely worth a repeat

    Subject: Cats - How to give a cat a pill....

    1. Pick up the cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
    holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

    2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

    3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.

    4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back
    of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

    5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse in from garden

    6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. ignore growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

    7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
    Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
    shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

    8. Wrap cat in a large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with cat's head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of a drinking straw, force cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down straw.

    9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink a
    beer to take away the taste. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from the carpet with soap and water.

    10. Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Open
    another beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck, so as to leave the head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

    11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
    hinges. Drink beer. Fetch scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply cold
    compress to cheek and check date of last tetanus jab. Apply whisky compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another shot. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

    12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the @#&!*%~ cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.

    13. Tie the little b........d's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of the dining table. Find heavy pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fille steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertical and pour 2 pints of water down cat's throat to wash down pill.

    14. Consume remainder of scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the A&E, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill from your eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order a new table.

    15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect the mutant cat from hell and ring local pet shop to see whether they have any hamsters.

    Last edit by gwenith on Apr 5, '03
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    About gwenith

    Joined: Jul '02; Posts: 10,261; Likes: 233
    icu nurse


  3. by   KeniRN
    :roll :chuckle roflmao!!!

    Are there instructions how to get a urine sample from a cat????
    I have to get one before Monday AM.
  4. by   gwenith
    I had that "pleasure" as well ended up with jar in gloved had trying to sneak it between the cats tail and the litter box - told teh vet - it may not be a mid stream but he wasn't gonna get any better.
  5. by   fab4fan
    For cat UA:The vet should give you some special "litter" to put in the pan. The "litter" will not absorb the urine. He should also give you a syringe and a UA container. After the cat pees, you can extract the urine and squirt it into the UA container.
    Last edit by fab4fan on Apr 5, '03
  6. by   gwenith
    No he didn't and now you tell me! Took me a whole day of staking out the litter tray to get the @#$$#@ specimen because my cat who usually does things like licking her bottom whenever she sees a stranger or digging holes in the garden right in view when I'm talking to the neighbours picked that day to decide she didn't want anyone watching her.
  7. by   adrienurse
    Reminds me of when I had a diabetic cat and I was supposed to get glucose readings fron strips dipped in fresh urine. Like THAT was ever going to happen!
  8. by   RN2B2005
    As a former veterinary technician who has given PO meds to literally hundreds of cats, I have to say....this is absolutely the truth! Medicating your own pet is a whole different ballgame.

    I remember when my poor kitty (now deceeased) was receiving SQ fluids. Easy, right? I'd done it a million times on other cats. Ha! The cat ended up careening around the living room, blood and LRS leaking out of his back, with the fluid set still dangling from the infusion site. On a second occasion, I managed to run an 18ga needle straight through the skin and into my own hand. Nice.:roll
  9. by   niteshiftnurse
    How to give a dog a pill

    Wrap it in a piece of bacon
  10. by   sixes
    Thanks for the morning chuckle. So true.:roll
    Have a great day
  11. by   Liann
    If you butter the pill, the cat might tolerate it better. Cats love butter. Dogs like pills in a bit of peanut butter or cheese.

    For the UA of cats...empty and scrub litter box, then collect the sample when the cat is confused over the lack of litter.

    I have been successful using all of these hints...well, most of the time ....and I have had umpteen sick pets over the years. My tetanus needs updated soon, tho!!!
  12. by   emily_mom
    Originally posted by niteshiftnurse
    How to give a dog a pill

    Wrap it in a piece of bacon
    Another reason why dogs rock!
  13. by   BABNRS
    I actually have a sick kitty right now... I can get the pill down her okay and even the antibiotic in the syringe. It's all the slobber afterwards!!! I have to chase her all over the house with a towel swabbing up a trail of saliva!!! EWWWWWW!!!

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