Funny things patients say ! - page 6

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   ChristineK
    I'm a nursing student and it was my first day caring for a patient on the Tele unit. She was very ill and had been waiting for a liver for quite some time. She was admitted a month before, and the staff nurse and I were telling her she was getting a new liver =)

    So it's me, staff nurse and ancillary in the room and she starts crying and laughing and said, "I have to call him. No I have to call her first. I just have to tell everyone!"

    The staff nurse says, "OK, but first we have to run some tests..."

    Patient: "No, no, no. The first thing you have to do is get me the h*ll off of this bed pan!"
  2. by   JDZ344
    just recently I had a cute one. I had set a patient up with a bowl of water and some toiletries to wash. I asked her "Can you manage?" and she looked at funny and said "I'm 82 dear!".
  3. by   teeniebert
    Quote from TaraCO2010
    I went into the patients room and began to explain to him that I was going to remove his catheter. At this point he lost all of his color and became quite nervous. I asked him if he was feeling okay and he wanted to know if it would hurt. I explained to him that it might burn a little but that the discomfort wouldn't last long. He let out a deep breath and seemed to brace himself for the procedure. I gloved up and unwrapped the syringe so I could deflate the balloon. As soon as he saw the syringe he let out a HUGE sigh of relief. He then said, "Oh thank God you are going to deflate the balloon." It turns out that he worked in a funeral home and when he receives bodies that have foley's in place he just yanks them out inflated balloon and all. It never occurred to him to deflate the balloon so he thought that we would do the same for him. I have never seen a patient so relieved.
    Holy cow! Tears running down my face! Stomach ache! Nearly peed my pants! Thanks so much for posting. I haven't laughed this hard since...well, since yesterday, actually, but thanks!
  4. by   NurseLisa64
    My grandfather just turned 90 in September. I asked him what he had been doing to keep busy,his reply was "Well, I go visit old people.". He still drives and visits my 92 y/o great aunt and her 94 y/o "friend".So I guess he means them since he is only 90!
    I worked for 6 yrs. on med/surg in a local hospital and heard a few good ones there also. One morning I was setting up a wash basin,soap etc. and my patient was an elderly woman in her late 80's. I asked her if she needed help and if she had everything she needed. Her reply was," Well, I guess I'm ok. But I want to make sure my "downstairs" gets washed good so I might need help a little later."I had to laugh -!!
  5. by   AltaEnfermera
    Our patients are primarily psych, with a few of the requisite LOLs thrown in for added excitement. One woman has recently become fascinated with hanging out in my office door and talking to me/staring while I work. She basically speaks in neologisms and/or sounds, but the other day in the middle of one of her monologues, she stopped and said "But you don't want to put too much in the pancreas; if you do, it'll burst, and then you'll need glasses!" It was totally random. I lol'd hard.
  6. by   Dawnyy99
    One of the aides asked me to check on a patient. When I went into the patients room she said, "I'm feeling short of breath and I didn't even get to the passion part yet (of her romance novel.)
  7. by   sairin8
    One pt (in a long term mental health facility) was complaining about the state of things and how no one loves her or appreciates her. A staff member asked her what would help. "Sex with a handsome sailor man, him on top, me on the bottom" was the immediate reply
  8. by   FutureNurs93
    when i was working in a LTC facility over the summer, one of the residents i worked with was quite the smarty...she had a IDC but would ask about every 15 minutes to go to the bathroom. so i would get her up and take her...every 15 minutes...finally i asked her why she always had to go the bathroom when she had an IDC. she told me that she had to pass gas. when i tried to explain that she could do that in her chair and no one would know, she explained to me that she "couldn't sit on the bubble"!!!!!
  9. by   NurseHotFlash
    A 650 lb patient explained her obesity this way. "My Daddy had thyroids, and I do to."
  10. by   RexNYC
    While in the stepdown one of my patient's IV pumps started beeping & displaying a "BAG NEAR EMPTY" warning.

    My patient said, "'Bag near empy.' What does that mean?"

    I replied, "That the bag is near empty."

    We both looked at each other like the other one had 3 heads. I still chuckle when I think about that.
  11. by   LaterAlligator
    I work in a dementia facility, and one of my residents asked "How much older than me are you?" (I'm 28, she's in her eighties). I answered that I wasn't sure, but I'm 28 now, how about you? She replied that she's 13 and 28 is really old. Very cute!
  12. by   Courtcatt
    An older guy that tends to yell at all the staff and refuses to eat and take his meds constantly... decided he likes me.. So when I feed him he eats his whole meal..except one thing...his ensure milkshake...when I told him hes "sooo close to finishing everything except his milkshake" his response was, "I dont like that shi*, it gives me the runs". I couldnt help but laugh...I said, "Yah... I dont like that either"
  13. by   Cinquefoil
    I work in an Assisted Living Facility, and was giving meds to one particularly sweet and gracious older lady. She wanted to know what pills I was giving her. She correctly ID'ed one by herself and pointed to the other one. "Now that one, I can never remember what it's for."

    It was Aricept/Donezepil! I told her that was exactly what it was for, and we both busted up laughing

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