Funny things patients say ! - page 3

While working in the emergency room I was taking care of a 90 year old lady who came in by wheelchair from a local rest home. Her complaint was right leg swelling and we found an obvious deformity of... Read More

  1. by   rowbucks
    I work in a dementia/special care unit. There is a 94 y/o lady who is a RN. She always tells us. now remember, if anyone gets sick, you come and get me. I'm a nurse.

    She always tells the other nurse (who is a LPN) "Do you know what LPN means? LETS PLAY NURSE!!" That just cracks me up.
  2. by   misti_z
    80 year old disoriented pt with foley...
    "I'd get out of this bed and into the chair if this darn 'pecker' would get out of the way, it's not doing any good anyway" She's holding the foley tubing while telling us this one morning.
    We all still laugh about this when we tell it to someone new.
  3. by   donmurray
    One confused older gentleman, with a memory span measured in seconds, fixed on me as I was trying to catch up with some paperwork. After asking several times when the next bus was due, and being told that he was in a hospital, he went off, to return yet again, but with a new question. "Why am I here?"...... " Because you've been having trouble with remembering things lately" He turned away to leave, then spun back, before he had time to forget, and announced " I don't recollect that!" He cracked me up so much I changed jobs!
  4. by   debbyed
    The other night I received a Phone call while working in the ER. It was from a frantic older lady who was yelling to be heard over the sounds of breaking glass and cursing. She said she needed help because her husband didn't have any sugar in his blood and he was going crazy. She wanted to know what number she had to call to get 911. Honest to God! When I told her to dial 9-1-1 she said "Yes young lady, that's who I want now tell me their phone number!" Eventually I got her to understand and when the Medics got there her husband was unresponsive with a blood sugar of 12.
  5. by   etok89
    I was a new nurse in canada and english is not my first language. I was assigned to medical wards. One of the patient called and she is asking for an aspirin. So i went directly to find an ice cream. I went back to her and ask what flavor she wants and i even told her we have strwberry, vanilla, chocolates. She laughs at me. I though shes asking for an ice cream.
  6. by   maryb
    Personal favorite didn't happen in a hospital...
    I'm active in Cub Scouts with my stepsons and husband. When camping, I'm the "unofficial" nurse. (Unofficial cause I don't do prehospital care, as I've often told them..)
    Went camping at a lovely site in Arkansas this past spring. One of the kids gets hurt. We get an ambulance out to the site to take him to local ER. I guess neighboring campers saw us, and decided we had a first aid kit. A little while after the ambulance leaves, a teenage? guy and girl come over to our campsite and ask if we have a bandaid. Their friend has cut his leg.
    I go over there........he wants a bandaid after laying open his shin with a machete????!!!!
    I tell him I'm going to clean it out with sterile NS, slap a couple 4x4s on it, then he needs to go get it sewn up.
    He asks "Will they have to use a needle?"

    Anybody know any other method of sewing I missed? We're talking visible bone here....

    And it's gotta be something in the South (born and bred, so don't think I'm a Yankee talking bad about Southerners). The guy finally goes to the hospital. Method of transporation? He's sitting in the back of the pick-up truck in a lawn chair sippin a Bud.

    By the way.....our Cub Scout and beer swilling machete swinging guy were both fine. Would you believe his tetanus was actually up to date?
  7. by   swyswy
    Doing OBGYN telephone advice this week, I had a patient ask me, "I'm thinking of trying to get pregnant. How do I stop my birth control pills?"

    We pass around the TSTB* questions when we need a laugh...

    (* too stupid to breed)

    color me clueless,

    8/14: Today's advice seeking winner called to ask about switching from depo provera to birth control pills...she said when she'd been on them b4 she had terrible headaches, but thought that those were from her ex-husband....
    Last edit by swyswy on Aug 14, '01
  8. by   Sleepyeyes
    I found an order printed on the MAR for one of our patients to have a monthly mammogram.
    This struck me as hilariously funny because the patient was a 98yo DNR with dementia.
    When asked about it, the Doc wrote the clarification order:
    "Monthly HEMOgram :roll
  9. by   KC CHICK
    Well, this week...anesthesia was getting ready to get a 69y/o male patient off to sleep. The CRNA was chit-chatting with this gentleman as she was working. She asked him," So, what do you do at home to keep busy?".

    The pt. said, simply....,"SEX.". The whole room cracked up.

  10. by   ChristenLPN
    A lady came into my OB-GYN office last month for a pre-op exam. I asked her what she was having done, and she said, "Well, it's really bladder surgery, but while they're there, they'll remove my overalls"
  11. by   LPN_mn
    Maryb I was born and bred in Arkansas and loved your story. As I was LMAO all I could think was "only in Arkansas". Thanks for the great story.
  12. by   Marj Griggs
    How many of your OB patients had an "epidermal" anesthetic for delivery? There's also a (possibly aprocryphal) about the teen who wanted to name her new daughter "Vagina" because it was such a pretty word. She wasn't about to be fobbed off on "Virginia", either!
  13. by   TiggerRN
    After my first day of clinical, my dad called me to see how it went. He's got a very warped sense of humour. I explained to him that I was in a LTC facility, and my patient was comatose with very rigid contractures. He asked me how he did the daily "business of life" and I replied "Well, he wears a condom catheter." My dad was curious and wanted it explained. I tried to explain that due to his contractures, I needed two hands, one just to pry his legs apart and the other to put on the condom catheter. He was having trouble with this visual, and I guess it didn't help when I said: "You know what I mean Dad, it a two-hand job." As I said it, I realized how it sounded, but couldn't take it back.

    There was a pause, then my dad yelled out to my mom: "Olivia, do you know what we our daughter's doing in nursing school!?"

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