A cute joke...Now add yours!!

  1. A lady approaches her priest and tells him,
    > "Father, I have a problem. I
    > have two female parrots, but they only know how to
    > say one thing." "What do
    > they say?" the priest inquired. "They only know how
    > to say, "Hi, we're
    > hookers. Want to have some fun? "That's terrible!"
    > the priest exclaimed, "but
    > I have a solution to your problem. Bring your female
    > parrots over to my house
    > and I will put them with my two male talking parrots
    > whom I have taught to
    > pray. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
    > saying that terrible phrase
    > and your female parrots will learn to pray" "Thank
    > you!" the woman responded.
    > The next day the woman brings her female parrots to
    > the priest's house. His
    > two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
    > praying in their cage. The lady
    > puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and
    > the female parrots say,
    > "Hi, we're hookers, want to have some fun?" One male
    > parrot looks over to the
    > other male parrot and says, "Put the beads away,
    > George. Our prayers have
    > been answered."

  2. Visit mopsi profile page

    About mopsi

    Joined: Aug '01; Posts: 137; Likes: 9


  3. by   mopsi

    Four Jewish brothers left home for college, became doctors and prospered.
    Some years later, chatting after a Chanukah dinner, they discussed the
    gifts that they were able to give to their elderly mother.
    The first said, I had a big house built for Mama. The second said, I had a
    hundred thousand dollar theater built in the house. The third said, had my
    Mercedes dealer deliver her an SL600 with a chauffeur. The fourth said,
    Listen to this. You know how Mama loves reading the Torah, and you know
    that she can't see very well. So I sent her a parrot that can recite the
    entire Torah. It took twenty rabbis 12 years to teach him. I had to pledge
    to contribute $100,000 a year for twenty years. But it was worth it. Mama
    just has to name the chapter and verse and the parrot will recite it.
    Soon thereafter, Mom sent out her Thank You notes. She wrote: Milton, the
    house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean
    the whole house. Thanks so much.
    Marvin, I am too old to travel. I stay home; I have my groceries
    delivered, so I never use the Mercedes. Moreover, the driver is a Nazi. A
    million thanks.
    Menachim, you give me a theater with Dolby sound, it could hold 50 people,
    but all my friends are dead. I've lost my hearing and I'm nearly blind. But
    thanks, anyway.

    Dearest Melvin, you were the only son to have the good sense to give a
    little thought to your gift. Such a delicious chicken.
  4. by   sjoe
    There is a Nursing Humor forum on this BB for this kind of item.
    Here's 17 pages of funnies in off-topic for you to catch up on!


  6. by   tattooednursie
    Ive got one.

    This little old lady was admitted to a nursing home. She was sitting near the nurses station and began leaning to one side. A nurse quickly put a pillow to prevent the leaning. An hour later she was leaning to the other side, so they put a pillow under that side too. Later that evening the family came to visit her. "How do you like it here, ma?"

    "Oh, its ok, but they won't even let me fart!"
  7. by   pdmt
    OK, I know there's a joke forum, but just have to add this----

    A body washes up on shore and is taken to the coroner. He has done the post mortem and says to his assistant: "I know what profession this person was in". The assistant asks him what he means. The coroner says: "This was a nurse. Her ass is all chewed up, her bladder is full, and her stomach is empty."

  8. by   P_RN
    Let's go to humor with these.
  9. by   donmurray
    The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well-dressed middle-aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
    The weary soldier asked, "Please, ma'am, may I sit in that seat?"

    The English woman looked down her nose at the soldier, sniffed
    and said, "You Americans. You are such a rude class of people.
    Can't you see my Little Fifi is using that seat?"

    The soldier walked away, determined to find a place to rest,
    but after another" trip down to the end of the train, found
    himself again facing the woman with the dog.
    Again he asked, "Please, lady. May I sit there? I'm very tired."

    The English woman wrinkled her nose and snorted, "You Americans!
    Not only are you rude, you are also arrogant. Imagine!"
    The soldier didn't say anything else; he leaned over, picked up the little dog, tossed it out the window of the train and sat down in the empty seat.

    The woman shrieked and railed, and demanded that someone defend her and chastise the soldier.
    An English gentleman sitting across the carriage spoke up, "You know, sir, you Americans do seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You eat holding the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your autos on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, you've thrown the wrong bytch out of the window."
  10. by   Stargazer
    Good one, Don!

    Q: How many Freudian psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the other to hold the penis. Hold the ladder! I meant LADDER!!!
  11. by   donmurray
  12. by   emily_mom
    Originally posted by Stargazer
    Good one, Don!

    Q: How many Freudian psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

    A: Two. One to screw in the lightbulb, and the other to hold the penis. Hold the ladder! I meant LADDER!!!

    *****!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:chuckle :chuckle Good thing they weren't in the anal stage.....
  13. by   dingofred
    This was on a web site about cloning the other day:
    If you took your naked clone up to the roof of a tall building and pushed it off, would it be
    A.) murder
    B.) suicide or;
    C.) an obscene clone fall
  14. by   researchrabbit
    Ok, please skip this one if you are easily offended!

    Two cowboys from Texas walk into a roadhouse to wash the trail dust from their throats.

    They stand at the bar drinking and talking about current cattle prices. Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.

    After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the cowboys looks at her and says, "Kin ya swaller?"

    The woman shakes her head, no.

    "Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head.

    The cowboy walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her panties, and runs his tongue all over
    her butt cheeks in a circular motion. The woman is so shocked, that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the cowboy walks slowly back to the bar and takes a drink from his beer.

    His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heard of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver,' but I ain't never seen nobody do it."