nursing ethics and family members

[gazelle512]

Hi

I am really not sure as to what the proper ethical boundaries are when it comes to being a registered nurse and being involved in the health care of family members.

I have an extended family member, let's call this person "S," who is a nurse, and as far as I know, she is a generally decent one. She self admits she is bipolar and alcoholic, but as far as I know, this is not affecting her job performance and she is not going to work under the influence.

I am very much an adult, who lives on my own. I had to somewhere to police station about a personal matter. I had made arrangements for a friend pick me up and take me home. However, for some reason, my extended family member was contacted and asked by the police to take me home. I already had plans for a friend to come, but when I told them, they said S was already waiting outside. Just then, S came inside. As soon as I saw S, I started to cry. It was a hard thing that I had to go to the police about as it was. I walked outside with her, and she instantly started telling me to stop crying. I told S, thanks for coming to get me, but I already made arrangements for a friend to pick me up.

S started to make a scene. I said ok, and got in her car, thinking I could just get away from there and have her drop me off at the nearest safe place to stop.

Instead what happened was almost an hour of being locked in her car, unable to get out, S dragging me back in when I started to be able to get out of the car, lots of yelling at me that made no sense, and me trying to calm her down. She was on the phone with another family member and a friend for much of the time. They kept trying to convince her to let me go. S grilled them and me about who my friend was that was going to pick me up. I finally was able to get out of the car, and she proceeded to follow me through a quiet neighborhood, calling (screaming) my name from her car as I ran to the closest friends house I could find.

The whole situation scared me and surprised me. She later wrote my mom that was off her medications and she was in a bipolar manic state but that she did nothing wrong.

The next day I was injured in an assult - one that I was able to escape from, but still had been physically injured in. It was related to the stalking/threats I had gone to the police about the day before. I went to the ER to be medically checked out since I couldn't get in to see my doctor that day. At the ER, the police came. I refused to tell them who assulted me or how very specific details of where or how. I simply was emotionally overwhelmed. I'm also somewhat hearing imparied and was having enough trouble commnicating. The officer would just yell, no matter how much I asked him and the ER staff to please just write. Thankfully, the ER staff did write. The police officer asked the hospital (without my knowing at the time) if I had ever had any family listed as an emergecny contact - the ER dug into a very old record and found that my aunt had been listed as an emergency contact, but that was changed years ago and I gave my mother as an emergecy contact since then. The officer had been unabe to reach my mother and so they tried calling my aunt. The police said they did it to find out how to best communicate with me. (ugh - just write and it works just fine!) The police said due to my hearing impariment I was considered disabled and thus an at risk adult and they were very concerned I was being abused by someone. The police said that the goal of contacting my aunt was to find out who hurt me and how to communicate with me.

Hospital and police records claim:

my aunt repeatedly reminded them she was a nurse 'she she would know"

- I had not been assulted

- I "have a long history of" making up rapes by doctors (not true in any way - i have never claimed i have raped by a doctor. I was raped as a teenager and the perp is in prision and no one in my family told my aunt i was really raped or not. we don't know why she said this.)

- I was seriously mentally ill and been given various diagnosis - and she listed the diagnosis she thought I had - all of them wrong and very stignmatzing and credibility destroying. (I do have mild PTSD and anxiety. That's it.)

- I had a history of being violent (not true - and i work with resuced animals and at risk children in my job 5 days a week. violent people are not allowed to work at the place I do.)

- I have no real hearing problem (I had hearing aids with me... so thankfully... the police didn't buy that one.)

I had no idea of any of this. I was just talking with the doctor (and they were writing to me in response) and she was about to order some x-rays... when the officer came in, said all of this (and I didn't know that at the time) and then left. The doctor then turned to me and wrote that I was free to leave.

I asked what about my injured arm, and the doctor just walked out.

I left in tears so confused as to what happened. I went to another hospital with a friend and they found out I had a broken arm...

I went back to the first hospital a week later to get the medical records and try to find out what the heck happened. That is when I found out they called my aunt and what they claim she said.

S has since sent letter to me stating the hospital and police "should not have taken what (she) said as true."

I asked the hospital how to make sure she was never contacted again or involve din my care again. The hospital administrator laughed. She started repeating (in writing) "you make up rapes about doctors" over and over in response to anything I said... I said, "I do not do that and I'm not going to discuss it any further. It changes nothing about making sure my aunt can't access or be involve din my care again." The hospital administrator wrote again, "you make up rapes about doctors." On the next page, she wrote, "we don't have to do anything you want to. leave now." I had to go through hell to prove there was a real rape and not by a doctor to have it taken out of my medical record that my aunt, whom the medical records cite she is a nurse, claimed I make up rapes by doctors.

I left. I had recorded all of it. The hospital is clearly in the wrong and has been cited by OCR and regulatory board here.

My aunt...

I don't know if her actions were just her being a cruel family member, or if they were her being a cruel family member and abusing her license and role and profession as a nurse. Was she?

I just want S to get help for her problems, and I have not pressed criminal charges for trapping me in her car. I did tell her i would not be around her alone, and if she shows up at my home or anywhere else unannouced, or demanded I do anything with her, I would call the police. S responded very angry and attacking and my mom had since cut off relationship with her sister.

two months later my doctor discovered my aunt has been calling various clinics and hospitals telling them her niece makes up rapes by doctors and as a nurse she felt they should know.

is she just being cruel or is there any kind of nursing ethics being violated here?

when is it ok for nurse to act as one for family and share medical info about family even if it was real and accurate?

so confused,

gazelle

[Nascar nurse, ASN, RN]

With all due respect you have more problems than any of us here are going to be able to help you with. Your best bet would be to seek personal counseling and possibly legal counseling as well.

The way "S" is acting has nothing to do with being a nurse or nursing ethics. Just because one is a nurse, does not necessarily mean they are a good person.

Good luck to you.

[traumaRUs, MSN, APRN]

I think you are too involved in this situation to be objective. I wish you the best in your life/career but think you probably need some outside help to deal with this situation.

[gentlegiver, ASN, LPN, RN]

I agree, if you can prove you never made claims of Dr. rape, your aunt can be charged with deflimation of character. At the very least the places she notified would be contacted and told she was lying (at least I think they would be contacted) if not you would have proof she was wrong and could notify them yourself.

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

I am sorry this has all happened to you. Sounds like a dreadful situation.

First of all, it does not matter if your aunt 'is a nurse'. You've said yourself that she is 'bipolar and manic' and that she doesn't go to work 'under the influence'. As a mental health RN I can tell you this is untrue. She is either lying to you or putting on a very good act, so as not to lose her job. And if she is running around everywhere off her meds and lying to everyone, someone needs to tell her work place and call the police to have her incarcerated in a mental health unit to be re-assessed. 'S' definitely needs to be in a locked ward until she is safely back on her medications.

As to the rape allegations you have made, you need to obtain copies of any medical/police records under freedom of information and carry them with you, to verify you've never made a complaint re this. Why do all these people think you have done this if you have not? Is it because of your aunt? If it's the latter you need to take her to court for slander.

Get a restraining order for her. And do not go anywhere near her again.

I hope you see your own doctor and a lawyer to discuss these problems with, and to get some help.

Good luck, I hope you get some of this sorted.

[OldNurseEducator]

I am so sorry that all this has happened to you. You need more help than we on this blog can provide. Get it, NOW! Good Luck and take care.

[CoffeeRTC, BSN, RN]

I had a hard time reading your letter and skimmed thru it. I have to agree that you need to get some help in this matter. As far as any legal help, whe can't give any advice, but you should try and contact someone asap.