Nursing Essay... Stressed Out

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Hello! Can someone read my essay and tell me what you think. I've changed some names for personal reasons. I would appreciate it. Thanks!!!

Tanisha

September 18, 2012

I want to pursue an education in nursing because health care is where my heart is. I currently work as A NT (Nursing Technician) at a Hospital in the Med/Surg-Pediatric Patient Care Department and I love what I do. I think helping someone is the next best thing to being A mother, Nothing is more rewarding. Ever since I could remember I always had A heart for helping and doing things for others. I cared about what others were going through in life. I always told myself “you can teach me how to have manners, but you cant teach me how to be compassionate for others". Being compassionate was naturally apart of who I was, and thats why I think becoming A nurse will best fit the type of person I am.

Who inspired me to pursue my education in nursing was my daughter Kalie and my dad. Before Kalie was born “I thought I knew what it was I wanted to do in life. I thought at first: I wanted to go to school to become A dental assistant, and then some day I would become A hygienist. My focus and my heart wasn’t quite in that field of work. When I had my daughter I began to mature in life. I knew I had to become someone my daughter could look up to, because to be honest I was getting tired of using that same old phrase “I just want you to be better than me”. The same phrase my grandmother told my mother, and my mother told me. I wanted to show my daughter I could be better.

In the process of becoming someone better for my daughter my dad had gotten sick. Because of the divorce my dad had gone into A deep depression for over A period of time causing him to develop A mental illness called psychosis. On top of both of his kidney's failing, being hypertension for blood pressure, and developing periodontal disease. My parents were divorced, so I felt like because I was the oldest of the three sisters the responsibilities were on me. I always told myself "my dad took care of me as A child, so it's only right that I take care of him". This surely was A full time job. I thought for sure furthering my education was going to be impossible, but my parents always encouraged me to do better for myself. Taking care of my dad was rewarding to me. Made me feel like I had done something or thought about someone else besides myself. I felt like if my dad was to pass tomorrow I would surely be sad, but happy with myself knowing that I did the best for my dad that I could do. That is how I feel at the end of the day when I leave for home from work. I feel I give it my all in taking care of my patients and at the end of the day Im happy with myself and the job I’ve done.

I am happy and eager to further my education in health care. Just as happy and eager as I was when I started my Nursing Assistant program. Coming from A family were most did not have A high school diploma. Let alone have A college degree, so finishing up my Nursing Assistant Program was A big accomplishment for me. By finishing the Nursing Assistant program I knew I was on my way to doing what came natural of me, and thats helping others. That is why I want to take the next step in becoming A nurse.

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Don't capitalize the letter "a". Should be lower case unless it's the first word in the sentence. There are a few punctuation and grammar changes you need to make, but it's too hard for me to copy/paste on my iPad. It will be a good essay when you get it finished though! :)

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I agree it is a well written essay. With a few corrections it should be fine. Great job!!

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Thank you guys!! I really do appreciate the feedback :)

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The content is lovely, but the format needs work.

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Specializes in Peds OR as RN, Peds ENT as NP.
Hello! Can someone read my essay and tell me what you think. I've changed some names for personal reasons. I would appreciate it. Thanks!!!

Tanisha

September 18, 2012

I want to pursue an education in nursing because health care is where my heart is. I currently work as A NT (Nursing Technician) at a Hospital in the Med/Surg-Pediatric Patient Care Department and I love what I do. I think helping someone is the next best thing to being A mother, Nothing is more rewarding. Ever since I could remember I always had A heart for helping and doing things for others. I cared about what others were going through in life. I always told myself “you can teach me how to have manners, but you cant teach me how to be compassionate for others". Being compassionate was naturally apart of who I was, and thats why I think becoming A nurse will best fit the type of person I am.

Who inspired me to pursue my education in nursing was my daughter Kalie and my dad. Before Kalie was born “I thought I knew what it was I wanted to do in life. I thought at first: I wanted to go to school to become A dental assistant, and then some day I would become A hygienist. My focus and my heart wasn’t quite in that field of work. When I had my daughter I began to mature in life. I knew I had to become someone my daughter could look up to, because to be honest I was getting tired of using that same old phrase “I just want you to be better than me”. The same phrase my grandmother told my mother, and my mother told me. I wanted to show my daughter I could be better.

In the process of becoming someone better for my daughter my dad had gotten sick. Because of the divorce my dad had gone into A deep depression for over A period of time causing him to develop A mental illness called psychosis. On top of both of his kidney's failing, being hypertension for blood pressure, and developing periodontal disease. My parents were divorced, so I felt like because I was the oldest of the three sisters the responsibilities were on me. I always told myself "my dad took care of me as A child, so it's only right that I take care of him". This surely was A full time job. I thought for sure furthering my education was going to be impossible, but my parents always encouraged me to do better for myself. Taking care of my dad was rewarding to me. Made me feel like I had done something or thought about someone else besides myself. I felt like if my dad was to pass tomorrow I would surely be sad, but happy with myself knowing that I did the best for my dad that I could do. That is how I feel at the end of the day when I leave for home from work. I feel I give it my all in taking care of my patients and at the end of the day Im happy with myself and the job I’ve done.

I am happy and eager to further my education in health care. Just as happy and eager as I was when I started my Nursing Assistant program. Coming from A family were most did not have A high school diploma. Let alone have A college degree, so finishing up my Nursing Assistant Program was A big accomplishment for me. By finishing the Nursing Assistant program I knew I was on my way to doing what came natural of me, and thats helping others. That is why I want to take the next step in becoming A nurse.

I would suggest you read this aloud to yourself. When reading think about what words are missing that you are leaving the reader to assume. The sentence" coming from a family..." is not a complete sentence. I would completely take out the sentence before it that says " just as eager as I was when I started the Nurse Assistant program." That sentence is not needed because the reader knows you are eager. Also, are you sure you meant periodontal disease? Gingivitis might draw a few laughs (and lead to not taking you seriously) UNLESS he has developed some serious systemic infection as a result. After all the diagnoses I've seen as a nurse, give me gingivitis please. Best of luck!

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Thank you RN Sam! I appreciate your feedback. My dad did develop a health condition because of the periodontal disease, but I know I didn't express that in the essay. Writing these essay can be difficult when you have a limit. I really really appreciate you taking the time out to read my essay and give me feedback. Thank you! :)

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