Seriously Confused and hopeless

  1. I'm lost. I'm confused. Don't know what to do. Love hurts so much, it's this punding force that won't let up. I don't want to fail as a parent. So far, my child is the happiest human being I have ever known. And I know it's genuine because she's a baby...innocent. I want(ed) to become a nurse because this love I feel for my little one is what others could use. I would feel helpful, and prominent in other people's lives. BUT how can I?? How can I compromise precious time with my bundle of joy to get an education that -according to many ppl on this board- won't make me sufficient money as a single parent???? Are my dreams of becoming a CRNA gone?? Out the window into the dark, stormy weather of deep red clots feeled with the smell of infinity piles of crap. I am willing to work.....but I am a dreamer. I barely have a logical bone in my body. People say "Have faith", "you can do it if you believe you can", and the oh so famous "if my friend of a friend of a friend of a friend can do certainly can! .

    I don't know. I don't know anything except why?
    I will have to just find myself a doctor and make him fall in love with me while I allow myself to be consumed with my inner ignorance of this chastened existance called life.

    That's if the war doesn't take all our lives soon.

    I thank you all for reading....
    Good Bye for now :stone
  2. Visit SharpPetal profile page

    About SharpPetal

    Joined: Feb '03; Posts: 22


  3. by   BadBird
    After reading your post the only thing that come to mind is "wacko". You will be so disappointed if you think marrying a Dr. will fulfill you, only you can do that. My advice is grow up before your child does.
  4. by   SharpPetal
    WOW! A bit Harsh eh?
    Thanks for the honesty though . child looks nothing like me............I wonder if it even is mine???????
  5. by   Hidi74
  6. by   RNonsense
    ...can you say P-O-S-T-P-A-R-T-U-M ?! Is this for real...? Or is it April Fools already...?
  7. by   SharpPetal
    What's wrong with me!!!????
    What did I do wrong!!???
    I was PERFECTLY FINE through the WHOLE spring break. I spent the entire time with my child, laughing and playing..happiest I have EVER been. SERIOUSLY...I FELT LIKE I COULD CONQUER THE WORLD!
    But once it hit home that school is coming up....she goes back to daycare..I go back to -literally- hitting the books.
    I just don't want to waste my time...getting all this info.advice that I'm headed for a long, hard, and -eventually- depressing road of nursing...I mean...
    I want buisness but I need financial security...I want nursing but I need time with my little one....I want to feel FRRREEEEEEE.

  8. by   VivaLasViejas
    You do sound confused, honey, but I think you're depressed, not crazy! Have you seen your physician lately? Maybe some talk therapy and/or an antidepressant might be in order......these don't "fix" everything, but they give you a start in putting your own house in order. I'm hearing feelings of helplessness and hopelessness from your post, and I can tell you, I've been there---not in the single-mom capacity, but I know what it's like to look around and see nothing but obstacles, and then think if someone would just help me get past the first one, I could scale the others on my own. Anyway, I wish the best for you, and hope you're able to get things sorted out soon; life's too short to be this miserable.
  9. by   SharpPetal
    Thank you mjlrn, I appreciate the advice, I really do.
    I have gone through depression, before my child. Seriously bad too. But I don't want to have to go through it all over again. My parents would kill me if I didn't do it.
    They already are in a 20,000 debt from when I was hospitalized a few years ago, and I'm much "happier" than I was then. I just don't want this black wave of mine to come back and waste away precious years of my life; years that I could devote to getting my degree that will allow my child and myself live comfortably and happy...But what IS that degree I should be getting right now??????????????????????????
    I don't know what to do at this point....maybe this feeling will go away in the morning..till then...
    Blessed Be
  10. by   renerian
    I made a living, a good one, as a single mom of two kids. I bought two houses on that income as well. Find strength and idependence by yourself. Yes your child is young only once, but the rewards will pay off for your sacrifice now. I missed alot of firsts but I am so glad I could provide for my children.

  11. by   webbiedebbie
    It is up to you to make things happen. They will not be given to you on a silver platter. Obviously, where you are at right now is not going make a difference if you don't shake off the attitude. Life is not fair and it is not easy. YOU have a priority in your life right now and that is of your child. Shake off the past and start over. Get some help. You can still go to school and have precious moments with your child as well as fullfilling your dream of being a CRNA. It really is up to you.

    Talk to us...we are here for you. Sure, we gripe every once in a while, but we are blowing off steam. That is healthy. I have worked outside of nursing and it is not a bed or roses either.

    My life sucked when I was in nursing school and I had 3 children. My then husband was an emotional abuser. But I made it through all of the frustrations and I am stronger now. It is what we make of the situations that we are given that makes a difference.

    You sound like you really want what is best for your child. Work with that. Get some help. You can do it. Concentrate on your accomplishments. Feel good about them.

    I wish you well. Please feel free to PM me if you wish.
  12. by   NurseRachy
    SharpPetal to me it sounds like you are under a lot of pressure being torn between two equally important stressors in your life. On one hand you would love nothing more than to provide the best for your child, in which you feel compelled to complete your nursing, whilst at the same time you equally want to be there for your child as they are very important to you and they will never be at the same stage again. I can identify with your use of humour and sarcasm because i too make outragous statements IN JEST when i fell utterly lost or overwhelmed. I don;t think that this tone can be adequately conveyed over this board. I also don;t think that you sound depressed either - scared and uncertain DEFINETLY. I know what you mean when you say that you read the board and when people say that they don't make sufficient money you wonder why you are bothering to do this. I think that maybe (and it is only a MAYBE) people here mean that for the skills and knowledge they possess they are not adequately financially reimbursed compared to many other professions, and not so much mean that they can't afford to eat or wear warm clothes in winter.
    Sorry i can't tell you what the right decision is for your circumstances, for only you will know that, but i do encourage you to draw strength from the people on this board because many people have done many remarkable things! I can almost guarantee you that if you continue with your nursing then in a few years you will look back (or even at the end of semester) and think WOW - look what i have done!! I have made it, i can do it, nothing and no-one will or can stop me! Then you will have something to feel proud of - and very rightly so too!! All the best SharpPetal you can and will go far!!!!!!
  13. by   NurseRachy
    oh - sorry i forgot to include that when i am in a funk (i hope that is what America calls it, in Australia we generally just say 'crack the *****') a good rest/ sleep does me well and puts everything i perspective. By the time you read this hopefully you have had a break from worrying about this and are refreshed and re-energised and feel much more confident in your abilities.
    Anyway - i have faith in you - all the best
  14. by   Lausana
    hmm...I guess I'm not real sure what to say since you don't mention at what point you're at now--in school, wanting to start, living with family, on your own? Fill us in a little more & I'm sure we can be a little more helpful

    It's easy to get discouraged...but if you want it badly enough you'll do it. If you are willing to roll over and play dead, so to speak, and hope to marry a doctor...then you do not want it and will not make it. Much better to be able to provide for yourself then hope to find someone else to do it.