Nursing Admission Essay

Futurenurse86 · Jan 17, 2008

Hello, everyone I am in the early stages of writing my essay. This is what I have so far. I figured I would start with a story. I am not a good writer so any and alllllllllllll advice is welcomed.
It all started out when my mother was diagnosed with Deep Vein Thrombosis. This condition can be very fatal if the correct treatment plan is not put in place. She was given Coumodin to thin her blood and get her INR numbers low on her blood tests. This type of medication does not react well with green vegetables so it is advised that you stay from them. When she began to experience weakness she asked to be given a vitamin to give her some strength. As she began to regain her strength her blood test results were getting worse. She immediately asked me to look up the effects of her vitamins on INR levels. After my research I immediately ordered her to discontinue taking Glutofac. Although it was giving her strength it was not helping her INR levels get higher because it contained Vitamin K which is contraindicated with Coumodin. It all made sense to her and from that day on she made me her private researcher and even allowed me to talk with her doctors regarding their treatment plans. Educating her about her condition and speaking with her doctors helped spark my interested in the nursing field. I found myself putting a great deal of effort into trying to diagnose my family and friends when they complied of various symptoms.

Honestly, I would take a different route. Everyone has someone in thier family with an illness, and that doesnt mean they will be a good nurse, or if nursing is right for them. Also, I was always under the assumption thats nurses dont diagnose.

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Jan 17, 2008

Is this the opening? If so, it is too much fluff with no content. In other words, I have NO IDEA why you are mentioning this information. On a positive note, it is an interesting example of something (possibly your ability to read up on a condition and take part in a treatment plan), so it may be useful in your Essay. However, I do not think it needs to be as wordy as it appears right now. :up:

ggabri07, BSN, RN · Jan 17, 2008

Yea it is very wordly and I did plan on condensing it down. I just dont know how or what to take out. I wanted to give an example on how I have to ability to manage treatment and am eager to learn about different conditions.......I have several other examples. I will post and you can comment on it also.

Knorremeisje · Jan 17, 2008

Just keep in mind that the people who'll be reading your essay, have to read a TON of these essays, so keep it short and to the point - if only to be considerate.

Remember that nurses also need to do a lot of writing on the job, writing that needs to to the point and clear. So be sure to demonstrate that in your essay.

When starting your paragraph about why you want to be a nurse or why you would be a good nurse, start with your thesis statement. State two or three reasons why you want to be a nurse (helping people, making a difference, etc) or why you would be a good nurse (compassion, eager to learn/research, etc). Then expand on those reasons, and support them with a short story/anecdote if you want to, but try to keep it shorter than 5 sentences.

Hope this helps a little. Good luck!

Music in My Heart · Jan 17, 2008

Maybe it would help to know what is the question that you are answering. It's not obvious to me from reading your essay.

The essay is wordy. For example, "It all started out when..." can also be "It started when..." and "...can be very fatal..." could be "...potentially fatal..." (for that matter, "very fatal" is sort of like "almost pregnant")

Music in My Heart · Jan 17, 2008

I've quickly edited your statement to be more concise. I haven't spent much time with it nor have I made any attempt to address content, structure, usage, or grammar. I've simply removed what I consider to be superfluous words.

I'm no writer but this will give you a sense of how to make things shorter.

It started when my mother was diagnosed with Deep Vein Thrombosis. This condition can be fatal without the correct treatment plan. She was given Coumodin to thin her blood and lower her INR numbers. This medication adversely reacts with green vegetables so patients are advised to limit their intake of green vegetables. Feeling weak, she began taking vitamins to restore her strength. While she began regaining her strength, her blood test results were getting worse. She asked me to look up the effects of her vitamins on INR levels. After my research I suggested that she discontinue taking Glutofac because it contains Vitamin K which is contraindicated with Coumodin. From then on she made me her private researcher and even asked me to talk with her doctors regarding their treatment plans. Educating her about her condition and speaking with her doctors helped spark my interest in nursing. I found myself regularly trying to diagnose my family and friends when they complained of ailments.

Hoping2beRN, BSN, RN · Jan 18, 2008

I too am writing my entrance essays. Try not to make it that 'personal'.

If you give us the topic we could help you get a start!

ggabri07, BSN, RN · Jan 18, 2008

Oh my. You guys are soooooooo great. Trust me I really appreciate this helpe. There is not really a question. Its supposed to be a personal statement of goals and objectives. I thought I would start it out with a story. I have another idea of an intro you guys can let me know which one would be better. This is not revised and not gramtically correctly. I am in my early stages of writing this. Again thanks for all of your help and advice throughout this journey. I must admited that the first couple of sentences could use some revision, but I will let you guys comment:

P.s. There are many differnt things taht inspired me to want to be a nurse I just need to find the best story to introduce my essay

That innocent child was abused and severely depressed. She was told that she would never be anybody. She was told that she could never be whole again; her problems were too many. Cuts and bruises dominated her body. Today that innocent child has gained the confidence and the strength that it takes to become a young women all because Ms tithe (the nurse) and I was able to make a difference in her life. Working with children diagnosed with psychiatric illnesses has inspired me to peruse my career in nursing. The job that started as "something to do to get money " quickly changed to "something to do to make a change." These children were not looking someone to tell them what they heard a million times; They were looking for someone that was passionate, caring, and willing to listen to what they had to say. I worked with a team of nurses, psychiatrics, and case managers in order to develop effective treatment plans for my clients. I found myself putting a great effort into being the Behavioral Assistant that would make a difference and bring out the best from all my clients.