Nurses struggling with mental illness

Nurses Disabilities

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I was just wondering if there are any other nurses who struggle with mental illness. It seems to be one disability that is met with little tolerance and support in the medical field. I do have major co-morbid mental illness, Major depression/PTSD/DID, and have had many problems in my career. I have been in therapy and on meds for a long time and have worked very hard to be functional, and I have suprised myself by what I have been able to achieve. Currently, I am a hospice nurse in a residential setting and it seems that I have found my niche. It doesn't aggravate my illness too much. I am very busy at times and most of my job revolves in much cognitive thinking and decision making about the best ways to respond to a patient's emerging or existing symptoms, and in assessing patients to see where they are in the dying process, plus lots of educating to patients and families. My extensive personal trauma background has made me able to have a different perspective on death and don't see it as the scary thing that is SO SAD, that a lot of people do. Plus, because of the things that I have been through, I am more able to be compassionate and understanding of patients and their fears. I especially do well with patients with existing mental illness or lots of anxiety. I notice that a lot of nurses have little tolerance for a patients anxiety and are not willing to take the extra time to walk them through things and provide the extra reassurance that they need.

Yes, there are some nursing jobs that I don't think I would be able to do because of the fast on the spot life and death action necessary. ER and Trauma/Burn are pretty much out for me. But thats OK. A lot of nurses couldn't handle doing what I do either for their own reasons. We are all suited to certain things.

Having mental illness doesn't automatically make you unsuited for the nursing profession. Even though I have heard many times, "what are you doing here?" "Shouldn't you be doing something else, less stressful?"

I am here and am doing the thing I am suited for. Yes sometimes I have to take time off due to my illness, but its no different than somone who has flare ups of a chronic physical illness like lupus, chronic fatigue, or fibromyalgia.

I would like to know how other nurses have coped with their own illness and their nursing careers.

Severina

Specializes in OB/GYN, Peds, School Nurse, DD.
wow that sounds hard... the running away and crossing state lines (altho this time I really was tempted, thought about CA, thought about FL, just so I could start over, just so nobody knew what I was "supposed" to be. silly I know)

Sounds like a good group! esp that you are all professionals! I have thought often it must be tough for social workers and counselors, psychiatrists, psychologists, etc, to reach out - and they don't seem to hang out in support groups. Hopefully they have SOME thing... (I know they have "supervision" but surely that can't meet all their needs...)

Anyway, I imagine I do hear things better from support group than from family, I imagine my friends tried to hint around and tell me, but I rejected even that little bit of feedback lol... I was SO determined to stay off meds that I was minimizing or not even talking about some stuff I was feeling and doing...

I know, that's how it always starts with me. This is the first time EVER in my life that ihave actually stayed on my meds for a full year. And taken them mostly as ordered. The last time I messed that up was last fall when i started messing with my meds(because, you know, I felt so good!) It was ugly, and it ended with me running away from home with no shoes and no coat,in the cold, driving up into the North Georgia mountains with the intention of going to Tennessee where I would live in a homeless shelter and work at Walmart so that no one could find me. :uhoh3: And this plan actually made sense to me at the time. No wonder my family thinks I'm crazy.

My support group is probably the main thing that helps me keep myself straight. They are supportive and unafraid to challenge me, especially when my thinking gets skewed and I can't seem to make myself understand what I'm doing. It's a 4-legged stool--support group, meds, doctor, and "wellness", what i call my diet-exercise-volunteering program. If I take any one of those things away I start to wobble. If I take two of those things away, my "stool" falls over. And I can't be having that! :clown:

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Specializes in Alzheimer's, Geriatrics, Chem. Dep..
I know, that's how it always starts with me. This is the first time EVER in my life that ihave actually stayed on my meds for a full year. And taken them mostly as ordered. The last time I messed that up was last fall when i started messing with my meds(because, you know, I felt so good!) It was ugly, and it ended with me running away from home with no shoes and no coat,in the cold, driving up into the North Georgia mountains with the intention of going to Tennessee where I would live in a homeless shelter and work at Walmart so that no one could find me. :uhoh3: And this plan actually made sense to me at the time. No wonder my family thinks I'm crazy.

My support group is probably the main thing that helps me keep myself straight. They are supportive and unafraid to challenge me, especially when my thinking gets skewed and I can't seem to make myself understand what I'm doing. It's a 4-legged stool--support group, meds, doctor, and "wellness", what i call my diet-exercise-volunteering program. If I take any one of those things away I start to wobble. If I take two of those things away, my "stool" falls over. And I can't be having that! :clown:

Now that is eerie. I WAS thinking of just living in a shelter, I wasn't thinking of working tho (I was severely depressed). Isn't that amazing what we can come up with...

Glad you are all right. Don't hesitate to come here if you need some anonymous support or prayer. xo

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Hi Severina! Thanks for writing!

I'm an RN (since 81) and have had difficulty with depression, anxiety, and bipolar illness. Many times I've had to take extended "vacations" and I wish I could have considered it like a "flare up" of any other medical condition! I have to say that all things considered I have done very well. I have found my niche in geriatrics and when I am well it fits pretty well.

Anyway, I have been out of work since Oct 03. Tried several meds and nothing seems to be getting me out of the depression! I am so sick of it!

Doc is now talking about ECT which scares the living .... out of me...

What is ECT if you don't mind me asking?

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.
What is ECT if you don't mind me asking?

I think this is what they mean Electroconvulsive therapy

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Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.

As an RN with 40 years in health care, 34+ as an RN and being a diagnosed bipolar type II with generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD (Bipolar disease--Major Depressive Type originally diagnosed in 1974), I will caution you, be careful how outspoken you are about your mental health condition. I was diagnosed in 1974 while in college, at 19. I had suffered for depression all my life and watched various members of my extended family display odd behaviors as I grew up. From alcoholism to suicide (my uncle shot himself in front of me & my cousin when I was 16) , I knew that there was something inherently wrong with my thinking that being sad all of the time just wasn't normal for someone of my age. So when I was able to I sought out appropriate counsel, and was directed to the proper resources and got the preliminary diagnosis. That diagnosis was confirmed and more properly staged in 1980, after I moved to Houston, TX, and could be evaluated by a team of well trained psychiatrists. Throughout this and since, I have always been fully compliant and cooperative. My case has been reviewed and published as late as 2004 in JAMA, as evidence that a properly motivated and educated patient with Bipolar disorder, Type II even with mental health comorbidities can be not only functional, but can be so in highly stressed job situations and perform just as effectively if not more so because of the patient's insight into his/her behaviors and others, and compliance with medication, lifestyle and counseling.

I worked for 30+ years as a clinical critical care RN in various subspecialties in several cities around the world. I have been married 25 years and have raised two fine young men who are happy and well adjusted and I am the proud grandmother of two beautiful granddaughters. However, 3 years ago, when my mother was dying in the hospital where I was employed, my sister who is not exactly very stable decided that I was trying to kill our mother and went to the supervisor of the ICU and told him of my diagnosis and made her accusation about me to him. Now, I had never hidden my disease but I don't discuss my personal affairs with people I work with. To me, this has never been an issue for discussion since it is a well controlled disease for me and doesn't interfere with my work, kind of like hypertension or glaucoma or something like that. If I began to have a problem I certainly would speak to my supervisor, but since there were none what was there to discuss? Besides, I didn't work in ICU, my unit was PACU. However, I had worked with about half the nurses there for almost 15 years and had trained almost every one of them myself.

What I found was once the seeds of doubt are sown they are like the seeds of a strangling vine it only takes one or two of them to sprout and the damage is done, all that is necessary is a little nourishment for them to flourish and once that happens then the beautiful garden you have tended for years can be overwhelmed and choked to death by the scourge of bigotry and ignorance and fear. I didn't react well the day my mother died because the doctor botched how her death was done (she wasn't premedicated prior to being taken off lifesupport and she was aware, then her pacemaker was turned off). I had to watch her die slowly of suffocation while she looked at me and tried to talk. You might say I had a melt down of sorts that day. That was the nourishment that the seeds of doubt needed, that's all it took.

Within 18 months, I had been fired, and was unemployable. Two years later, my psychiatrist said what the hell, I'd been through enough. I'm now on disability though there's no reason I couldn't work. It's just word got out about my mental health disorder. I reacted badly at my mother's death bed, during a badly done death, that I think most nurses' would have been equally upset with if it had been their own mother. But since I had been singled out by my own equally mentally ill untreated sister, and I had been truthful and had replied yes I did have a treated mental illness. Instead of asking more questions or wondering about getting more facts, health care professionals just as lay persons prove just as quick to judge using bias and fear. So tread carefully when telling anyone about any impairment you might have, not just mental, but physical. Especially in this economic world we live in. Or you too, might go from a fairly well paid professional to a disabled person whose income barely meets the federal poverty income level for a single person.

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Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

Thank you so much for your honesty. I am working for 15 years and have struggled really hard for the past two years. I have Bipolar disease and usually don't discuss it with an employer. I have had a great reputation in my work, but I feel like it is falling apart. I am always getting my meds checked but I have been crying a lot and feel like I am working so hard just to keep my head straight.

I know I will be okay and I never stop my meds. But I feel blessed that you shared your story with us. Thank you from a former Hospice Nurse

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Specializes in NICU, PICU, adult med/surg, peds BMT.

It's a shame there is so much judgement for those with mental illness. I find it so frustrating as my daughter struggles with many different mental disorders and because of the stigma and because mental illness is not recognized as a disease like diabetes or thyroid problems where daily meds are prescribed. The discrimination and stigma affects not only her treatment but my ability to vent or discuss her condition. I learned a while ago not to share to much with others lest I be branded and ostracized. I let my work speak for me and leave my personal life and struggles at home. But thank you for coming out and being vocal. I'm so sorry for your loss and what you went through. When my dad passed I crawled into bed with him and threw myself on top of him my grief was so severe. I had no control at that point and when the nurses aide came in to remove his foley 5 minutes after he died I'm sure I looked like a deranged lunatic. Luckily this was not my hospital or my coworkers that witnessed my breakdown. I hope your finding happiness and to Laura RN- share your feelings with a counselor or your doctor. Don't hide and fret and isolate. Take care.

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Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.

Don't worry, I'm just right about your age. (54). I too, have found that as I have grown older, that it seems harder to keep this disorder under control. I guess it is much like other chronic diseases. The longer you have it, the harder it becomes to manage as time passes. Plus, as we age, we have the accumulated stressors of traumas built up over years and fewer resources (ie, loved ones, youth, job opportunities, etc), those too, I believe also make it more difficult for us to manage this disease. That's why I caution those who have it not to be too cavalier about assuming that we've broken the barrier over the stigma of mental health attitudes in this country.

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Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

I really struggled with the shame of the disease and trauma I have gone through but It got better until I got into nursing and realized how many nurses have bipolar disease and do not treat it. I will call my doctor. I was on medication and after getting healthy and loosing 40 lbs that I gained from quitting smoking, I found out that my lamictal was too high and I was out of my mind with confusion and forgetting things, and I really thought I was getting dementia, until my doctor told me I was to high on a dose. I was feeling better for a long time, but I think it is time for another adjustment. Thanks for your help.

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Specializes in PACU, HIGH RISK OB, EARLY CVTRANSPLANT.

Absolutely, Laura, always follow what your instincts tell you especially about what your meds are. I mean, always take them as you should, BUT if you don't feel right on what you are taking or the dosage, then by all means you should tell your doctor exactly how you are feeling and WHAT YOU THINK YOU SHOULD BE TAKING WHETHER IT SHOULD BE ELEVATING OR LEVELING OR COMPLETELY CHANGING A MEDICATION. THIS IS A LIFELONG CONDITION and this is a condition where you and your doctor must work together as a TEAM. YOU AND YOUR DOCTOR ARE EQUAL PLAYERS in this endeavor which means you have as much or more say in this since your entire life rests in the outcome of this treatment plan. Your part is to comply completely with the plan and learn everything possible about your disorder. Your doctor's role is to help your formulate your treatment plan, implement it, monitor it and change it with your help and input. It will never be successful if it is all one sided. If your doctor insists on making all the decisions, I promise you are seeing the wrong doctor. If your doctor never argues with you then again, I say you are seeing the wrong doctor. My doctor and I have been together for 15 years now, I struggle to describe our relationship. I can't say we are friends, we aren't. Nor are we colleagues, no I am his patient, yet I have as much say in my treatment as he. We are collaborators of sorts I guess you might say. Not the same or quite equals , like comparing apples and oranges. But there is one thing we both know, we respect each other and nothing goes unless we both agree. Sometimes that takes some persuasion on one side or the other, but that's a good thing because it makes for a better patient AND a better doctor because we both are listening and learning.

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Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

WOW, I am listening and I am agreeing with every word you said. I am calling my Doctor tomorrow because I am hitting bottom again. Sometimes I just hate this disease, but I feel like it makes me a survivor. She told me working nights is not good for a person with manic depression, and I think that is what kicked it off. But I will never ever tell the facility about my illness. I won't let them take my license away, and I will know when I feel like I need to leave my profession. You all have been so kind. I had a great doctor in New York and I feel that I might call him even though it has been years to see if he can give me a good referral out here. You are the best. Any other thing feel free to fill me in. I will keep you all posted.

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Specializes in Hospice/Home Health/Med Surg/Rehab.

read my notes on my mental illness, and you struck a cord with me to help me get honest. Trauma victims and Nurses who struggle especially with this have to know they have support. I never even discussed this with any other nurses.

Quite an awakening. Thanks

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