I have been in the program 7 months. I came out of rehab with not many options sponsor wise. In my area there sadly is not enough clean time in the NA rooms. I went with the best option and this lady had 2 years and worked a good program. At least it seemed she was. My sponsor was very open about admitting to being on methadone and taking rx tramadol. I felt a little uneasy, but ok. I just never felt a connection. She didn't work so she didn't understand what it was like balancing work and recovery. She couldn't understand the stress when I was talking about being in a monitoring program and the fear of losing my license. How could I expect her to understand? There was just, I don't know, no "spark" there. No connection. In the NA rooms here people told me I would relapse "because nobody gets it the first time and relapse is apart of recovery". OMG!!!!!!!! Really!!! That is absurd! A motto I heard in rehab and I stick with it is "relapse is not a requirement". I was given a second chance. My license has no disciplinary action on it. I WAS SO DAMN LUCKY AND BLESSED to be given this second chance. That is why I am do determined and DEDICATED to my recovery. So needless to say, I got a new sponsor and next month I am moving OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Long story short, last week my (old) sponsor showed up at a meeting totally out of it. Denying she relapsed she had a fentanyl patch on her arm that she bought of a girl not in the program. Sad.
My higher power is amazing though. My new sponsor has about 7 years clean. She too is in a recovery program because she is a nurse. She finally decided to petition and get her license back. We have that spark. That connection. That kindred spirit almost. It is a two way street. She helps me but it also helps her.
Not sure why I had to blurt this all out there. Maybe so I can get my so many number of posts it so this site will actually let me repond to my private messages in my inbox.
Hugs to all the nurses out there in recovery!
Keep fighting the good fight!