Conflict with friend/coworker - page 3

I have a coworker whom I will call "Florence" (not her real name) and we have grown quite close to over a number of years working together. I like Flo a lot, and she is not just a coworker or a work... Read More

  1. by   Axgrinder
    Lot's of good advice here guys - thanks. I wish I could take the lot of you out for a cappuccino. You all have been very therapeutic, and I appreciate everyone taking the time to give your thoughts. It's not always easy to figure things out when you are in the middle of it, especially when emotions are running high. My mental heath thanks you all.
  2. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    I don't think that's cold and calculating. The balance sheet doesn't have to be equal but if you are always giving and never getting that's a sick relationship. I've learned to be professional and cordial with those I work with and understand that I have very few "friends" at work. I've been burned pretty good in the past by people who I thought of as friends. Like Poe said "nevermore".
  3. by   winniewoman9060
    Your a giver, Flo a taker. She's toxic, may have some good qualities but right now things are difficult. I would let her make the first step and if it proceeds, you may need someone to sit down with the 2 of you to mediate. It would clear the air, and having someone else in there would protect you from the he said she said.
  4. by   3ringnursing
    It's uncanny how much "Flo" sounds like someone I work with too.

    My "Flo" is a know-it-all, and someone who HAS to be right no matter what - always. If proven wrong she admits nothing, but if right ... well, you may never hear the end of it. And if she does you a favor she'll drag it out again and again so you have to thank her numerous times.

    Her freely given opinion, but inability to take constructive critique in return, and the frequent crying are spot on too.

    And any deviation of our colleagues - no matter how miniscule - is promptly reported to our boss. Nobody can even fart where I work without the boss hearing about it.

    Holy smoke, just how many "Flo's" are out there anyway?
  5. by   OrganizedChaos
    I say cut your personal ties & just have professional ties from here on out. It seems it's just too emotionally draining for you.
  6. by   SpankedInPittsburgh
    I think there are as many "Flo's" out there as we tolerate. Actually we don't just tolerate them we cultivate them. Hypercritical nurses are viewed as giving constructive criticism even when its nit-picky nonsense about nothing in particular. Drama queens (of both sexes) who show up at work in one of their pathetic fits / demands for attention are responded to with fawning attention. We all have to work with the crazy-butt "Flo" it's the price of doing business. We can't control how these people act but we can control how we react to them. We need to stop giving positive feedback and certainly keep them out of our life on a personal level.
  7. by   NurseC,RN
    Preaching to the choir. I had a situation like yours.. We went to nursing school together and after we graduated we became closer and eventually ended up working in the same unit together. It was nice to start at the same time, and go through those new grad situations and have someone that understood "that new girl feeling". But then it became a "did you hear what this nurse did" or just plain gossip that didn't matter. Our conversations strictly revolved around work and her gossiping about everyone, anyone, patients, families, doctors, support workers it didn't matter and I couldn't handle it anymore. She spent more time in the managers office complaining then actually spending and doing care with her patients. I simply asked her not to talk about work unless we were on the unit together because it would literally give me anxiety going into work hearing these stories or how "crappy of a night it was" when it reallt wasn't. I eventually stopped texting her all together, or kept text messages shorter and shorter which eventually lead to her gossiping about me. To say the least we no longer speak now, and she was a contributing factor as to why I left the unit almost a year ago.
    TLDR... Big lesson: you find out who your friends are. Leave the BS at the unit doors, do your job, if you find your work wife awesome, but always be aware of what some are capable of.
  8. by   not.done.yet
    Not all relationships are meant to last forever and that includes friendships. This one has run its course. I hope you are able to distance yourself without a big blow up. Stop replying to text messages if she starts them again. Don't answer when she calls. Be busy...really really busy. Think of it like breaking up with a bad boyfriend who has violent tendencies. You have to be firm but not confrontational. And yes, this is going to turn around on you either way, any way you handle it. You may also want to research other places you might enjoy working at some point, in case it does.

    I am so sorry this has happened. I hope you are strong enough to divorce her.
  9. by   DoogieRN24
    I'm actually going through a similar situation at work....so I too am struggling for advice. I believe in positive work relationships and I have like 5 co-workers I consider personal friends. Each of those co-workers are able to talk "real" with me about my flaws, shortcomings and attributes and I'm able to do the same with them. If "Flo" is NOT reciprocal in the friendship then she's "truly" not a friend.

    My situation is: I work in PACU...we have a ChargeNrse whom I respect and have known for many years...lately she has become a negative catalyst between 2nurses who don't seem to like one another NrseM and NrseC (no one seems to know why they don't like one another)...she despises NrseM and ignites NrseC to stir things up...my ChargeNrse isn't always fair to NrseM changing her schedule behind her back, snapping pics of her, trying to pit others against her or use seniority to block NrseM from getting vacation. In the meantime, NrseC
    is close to my charge nurse and has admitted she has to stop allowing ChargeNrse to ignite her.

    The real issue her is my ChargeNrse is a wealth of knowledge, great resource person in the unit and has been around for many years but in my opinion she has been given too much control of our unit for too long and now the negative behavior she is pouring out is toxic.
    For many years the unit did not have the strongest most supportive Director and NrseMgnt but now we have an excellent Manager who sees everything! My ChargeNrse instead of diffusing poor relationships she's igniting them. Now don't get me wrong, there's two sides to every story and both NrseM and NrseC have their flaws and issues....neither are angels but I just feel that my ChargeNrse should show more professionalism rather than be the instigator!

    She lately has been just out out of control. An example: she didn't take patients one day(no big deal...the staff doesn't care because she has many responsibilities navigating the pts post op and talking with administration all day) and then at the end of the shift she stated "I think I won't be taking any more pt assignments when I'm here and I suggest in my absence whomever is in charge except NrseM shouldn't take pts either"! I was like "wait a minute it's one thing for you NOT take an assignment but fair is fair WE who have to do charge when you're not here certainly can't justify NOT taking pts and if NrseM is in charge she HAS to take pts because you don't like her?"....I don't believe she liked that I said that but seriously! Is that right?
  10. by   Crystal-Wings
    I'd drop her like a hot potato! She doesn't sound like a friend at all. She sounds like a Serial Bully
  11. by   Axgrinder
    Quote from Crystal-Wings
    I'd drop her like a hot potato! She doesn't sound like a friend at all. She sounds like a Serial Bully
    I had never heard of a serial bully before. That is a lot of good information.
  12. by   Davey Do
    Quote from Axgrinder
    I bet a Davey Do cartoon would make me feel better
    I'm at work tonight and was just in the neighborhood visiting when I ran across this. I thought I'd fill your gracious request with a cartoon from another thread, Axgrinder.

    dream-20team-202-

    Quote from Davey Do
    I love some of my coworkers, especially my work wife Eleanor and my brother in arms Rooty Payne who I've known for 15 and 13 years respectively.
  13. by   Davey Do
    Quote from SpankedInPittsburgh
    Oh the romantic relationship at work. Bad Mo-Jo that I've experienced.
    Perhaps this "Bad Mo-Jo" occurred, oh, I don't know- someplace like Pittsburg?

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