Nurse doing cocaine HELP

TypicalFish · Jun 20, 2005

A very close male friend has a new girlfriend. She is an ICU nurse. I have only met her twice and my friend states he is in love with her. I have a big big problem. The last time we went out she broke out a bag of coke. She admitted to me she had a drinking problem as a young teen. From what I saw she still has it. She did mix coke and alcohol that night. My friend told me she doesn't do coke on the days she works. I don't know if I believe that or not. I know where she works. I know her Director. If I tell even without using my name they will know it's me. I will loose my friend who means the world to me, but the ethical and professional in me is giving me the kick. It's been bothering me for a long time. I would like some other opinions before I make up my mind. I know what I should do and I know what will happen if I do it. HELP.
Lori

Sorry-friend or not, your obligation is to the patients that she may treat. period. Anonymously report her to the director, employee health, anyone.

Do something. How will you ever know if she isn't endangering patients? I worked in a hospital pharmacy years and years ago, and the nurse-manager (head nurse, back then)on the m/s unit was stealing narcotics for her addict son-signing out as if she gave to patients, but didn't. One of our pharmacists figured it out-the floor nurses, some of them, had an inkling that something wasn't right-I think some of them had a feeling of what was going on (back then NM very rarely signed out narcs, as they very rarely had patients)-but didn't tell because they were afraid to make waves, "hurting" the NM-I still think about patients that did not get their pain meds-You have this knowledge make a difference with it. Sometimes doing the right thing sucks, but you still have to do it.

Mystery5 · Jun 20, 2005

As far as losing a friend, I don't know how old you are, but I suspect you are still in your 20s. My prediction is that you'll grow out of this friendship eventually anyways. Don't compromise your integrity because of your friends. A true friend will not require that you do so. If you stay in the friendship and make concessions to the other person's demands or frailties, you'll regret it.

TypicalFish · Jun 20, 2005

We're all told to be whistle blowers in school. It sounds good on paper and to management but is not practical in the real world. She may have coworkers that are close friends that may take a dim view of you ratting her out. Unless you're prepared to make a change in employers, you may want to keep a lid on it. She'll eventually make a mistake or get snared by a randon drug test.
I've only been in nursing since January but have seen enough errors to keep me in the manager's office for hours every day. I'm not perfect either and would prefer to continue working with my team, not under their scrutiny.

So would you want this nurse to take care of you or your family?-there is a huge difference between a med error and having a drug problem while treating patients. "She'll eventually make a mistake"-you are forgetting that that mistake might be someone's life...

Stitchie · Jun 20, 2005

I've only met her twice. It was on the second meeting that she did this. I do know that in the first month that they were dating they got into a fight and she put 4 holes in the wall with her fist. My friend is blind as a bat and compleatly, utterly gaga over this woman. She is young and cute. He has a long history of falling for the wrong type and getting hurt. I have no doubt this relationship will not last forever. This woman's mother was divorced 5 times, she is already divorced once. She has a history of alcohol abuse, smokes pot, cigerettes and her perfered drug is coke. Did you ever see a speeding train about to hit a loved one. There is nothing I can do about the relationship. He will choose her over me in a flash. He is that far taken with her. At this point talking to him is a waste of time. I hate to say this but he did it with her. Same drugs, same alcohol etc so they both don't think what they are doing is wrong. I am going to end up losing him as a friend because of this situation with her but he will be back once he is hurt. I am just so upset I needed to vent.
Lori

This is a really horrible situation to be in. If your friend is doing these things also, I'd make myself scarce around those two as a couple (ostriches may be the dumbest animals on the planet, but sometime burying your head in the sand keeps you sane). You really don't want to get annihilated by the inevitable train wreck.

My DH has a friend over 40 who is an coke/ETOH/pot abuser. It's pathetic -- he's a talented carpenter but utterly unreliable. My DH is blindly loyal to him; they have been friends since HS. I will not allow him in the house around our children. Not because he would ever do anything to our girls -- he's actually great around them. It's because of the way I feel around this person, constantly on edge. I'm also afraid that he may have drugs on him that could fall into the hands of unsuspecting toddlers. My husband and I have argued about this poor guy for years. I feel sorry for him, because he's got much to learn, is intelligent, funny, and can be a great person to be around when he's not high. I feel like such a fishwife barring my husband from being around him, so we struck a deal.

My experience has taught me that a) I'm not my husband's mother and b) he will remain loyal to his friends.

So my DH does not participate in the illegal activities, but will have a boy's night, during which anyone he goes out with can pick him up, but I will fetch him from whatever hole in the wall bar he's at. Our deal is that we can't afford a divorce and a DUI. I have asked that he not drive our cars during these outings.

He did this exactly once after we brought our babies home. I bundled up our sleeping baby girls, put them in the car seats, and went to get him. On a freezing cold February night in Chicago, that is.

The guilt of it all changed his behavior. He couldn't believe he'd betrayed his daughters in such a way.

My point is, sometimes you just have to let ppl deal with the disastrous consequences of their own making. :banghead: Your friend, that is. You will get stuck in the undertow of the eventual outcome of her behavior if you stay mum about her recreational drug use.

If you work with her, then I agree with the posters who said an anonymous note to the unit manager or HR may bring about her dismissal or rehab. There is simply no excuse to be working with coke in your system. Just because she is not using while she is working doesn't mean she isn't feeling the after-affects.

I'd stay mum on the subject of knowing her outside of work, while at work.

Maggie in NC · Jun 20, 2005

Doing the right thing isn't always easy. Put it to you this way: Picture one of her patients being one of YOUR parents/friends/relatives. If something terrible happened, would you feel comfortable thinking/saying she did everything she could and used her best judgement? I doubt it. There would always be the thought in your mind that her judgement may have been impaired.

If your friendship with this guy worth someone losing their life unneccesarily?

If the director was my friend, I'd call her up and say, "I can tell you any details but you need to conduct drug tests on your nurses in suchandsuch team and they need to be done ASAP." If your DON friend respects you, she won't make you explain. She'll know you're doing HER PATIENTS and her hospital a favor.

It may sound cold and harsh but, people's lives are at stake here. If I knew someone lost their mother, father, sister, brother, or best friend due to someone's recreational drug use, I could not handle the guilt.

Maggie

ohioln, RN · Jun 20, 2005

I think it's a law that anyone who tests positive for drugs has to be offered drug counseling. If they don't take it, or get counseling outside of work, then they can be fired. They're given a chance to change through counseling because drugs and alcohol are so addictive. Ohioln :stone

Gromit · Jun 20, 2005

I think it's a law that anyone who tests positive for drugs has to be offered drug counseling. If they don't take it, or get counseling outside of work, then they can be fired. They're given a chance to change through counseling because drugs and alcohol are so addictive. Ohioln :stone

I think that depends on your state or situation. When I worked for the local govmnt (county) that was the case -its very tough to get fired from the county. But for a private outfit, I'm not so sure. I did once have a co-worker who admitted they used drugs, (this person's name came up to go to HR for random urine testing) I told this person to FIRST go to them (dont urinate first, TELL them first) and say "I have a problem, and I'm asking for help". In my state, this obligates them to offer you help/rehab -they can't fire you for testing positive. But you WILL be fired if you slip up during the course of the rehab. Still, its a chance, where once there was none.

Until about a year ago, I still kept in touch with that person, who has stayed clean for a number of years.

stidget99 · Jun 20, 2005

If your 'friend' was any kind of friend, he would know exactly the position that you have been put in by his girlfriend. Do what you have to do. If you lose this "friend" then he wasn't a friend to begin with. I know that without a doubt, if I were in your same exact position, I would first go to my friend and tell him of my intentions. Then, I would go to the DON of the facility and let them know just exactly what was going down.

If this gal was forced into rehab what possible good would it do?

#1. Might just save her life...literally...and his as well.

#2. Might save numerous pt lives

#3. Might save many/numerous "innocent by-stander" lives (i.e. passengers in a car, pedestrians, etc.)

#4. The BON would become aware of a nurse w/ an addiction problem and would be following the progress of that nurse's rehab very closely ulitmately ending up in #'s 1-3 above.

What bad could it do? Well many of the OP feel like you might hit some retaliation on the job site. If that is the case, there is always another job available for a nurse. And, like I said, no "friend" would put another "friend" in a situation like this.

Good luck.

Jolie, BSN · Jun 20, 2005

Does your state BON have mandatory reporting for impaired nurses? If so, you might be in violation of your own license for NOT reporting her to the state.

llgrn1987 · Jun 20, 2005

Does your state BON have mandatory reporting for impaired nurses? If so, you might be in violation of your own license for NOT reporting her to the state.

She isn't in my state. This is why I have only met her twice. I have such mixed feelings and in my heart everything everyone has said today makes 100% sence.

This woman works as a travel nurse. When she isn't traveling she is only a per diem worker for an agency. Knowing how agencies work I doubt they will put the effort into her. They will just stop calling her for cases.

I am moving to their state shortly. Her company is based out of the state I am living in. I don't work with her yet. The company she works for has been in hot pursuit recruiting me. I am interested but it means that I could potentially bump into her professionally once I move to her state. She works ICU and I am changing speciality areas from Obstetrics to Cardiology.

They just left for a travel job and will be gone for 13 weeks. Right now I am not really associating with them due to about 100 reasons all leading to her. It doesn't make me love my friend any less. For him I'll always be there but have decided to wait for him to contact me before I initiate contact with him again.

When I move and get put into the position where I have to work with her I will deal with it. I am hoping that given this is a train wreck in the make the wreck happens sooner rather than later and I'll be free to do the right thing. This way I can help him pick up the pieces and move on. If this relationship results in marriage I can't see my friendship with him continuting and I can just have happy memories of the way he used to be.

Thank you everyone. I just found this forum and I am already impressed. It's been a long time since I have been active in Nursing. I went into Vet medicine and will be returning to the field once I move. I miss my profession. It's something I am very proud of. Even though I went in another direction for a while I always think of myself as a Nurse first.

Lori

lpnstudentin2010, LPN · Jun 20, 2005

I am NOT a nurse but I am a patient. I would not want a nurse who EVER did drugs whether it was when they were on duty or off. I mean if they did it as a teen ok it may have just been a dumb mistake but I mean at the time of my treatment.

llgrn1987 · Jun 20, 2005

I am NOT a nurse but I am a patient. I would not want a nurse who EVER did drugs whether it was when they were on duty or off. I mean if they did it as a teen ok it may have just been a dumb mistake but I mean at the time of my treatment.

I wouldn't either and this is why I am so upset over the situation. I wish she could see this thread. There probably isn't a professional or patient out there that would approve of her behavior in or out of the hospital. Would you believe she dreams of becoming a NP. Can you imagine her with perscription privledges.

Lori