Not sure where I'm going

paidmydues · Jan 13, 2016

Soror: way to go! You have persevered and are a winner. I am a long time lurker on Allnurses and have recently started posting. I have read your balanced posts and comments and thank you for "liking" one of mine. OK...you have been out of nursing for awhile. I am finishing probation successfully. It was hard to get started, but once a rough SNF hired me I got a job at a better one two short months later. Two months later I got an acute care job offer at a not so rural hospital (but I had to be willing to move across the state to take it). At first this ex-fancy specialty nurse was a little miffed that the great MOI was working on med-surg. About 6 months in I began to see the beauty of it all. I am on nocs with many other nurses in their 50s who have become friends. I am autonomous, can always study and learn something new if I want and I make great money with the differentials of nocs and preferring weekends. Working with the "personalities" in the unit down at the end of the hall doesn't interest me anymore. I do miss Tele though. I now find as my probation is coming to an end (yaaaaaah!!!! YOU ALL CAN DO IT!!!) that I am in no hurry to leave my humble yet sweet job. I am just getting stable and secure after experiencing by far the most difficult thing a nurse can experience in her/his career. I think that any manager worth their weight would scoop you up. It is quietly known that my facility is a probationer-friendly one. I know two other probationers who are fabulous nurses, great employees and are happy to have a good job. Doors will shut in our faces and we must get used to "no." We will be labeled forever even after we die as the BON's keep our disciplinary notes attached to our licenses. What a hoot! Go ahead! I can't be humiliated any more. I know my worth. Out of 100 no's there will be one yes. You and all of us are on our way. ps. I am taking my first vay cay in 3 years soon to Hawaii! My probation monitor gave me her blessing and suspended u/a's during my trip. 6 short months to go!!! Peace and good luck, Paid

ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN · Jan 13, 2016

I have only known one nurse in twenty years who did not relapse. She took a position in outpatient wound care so that she would not be able divert again or even be tempted to think about using again. It's like putting an alcoholic behind the bar.

I am saying this because you asked for opinions and I think you seem reasonable enough to take this as helpful not hurtful.

Best of luck to you.

allnurses Guide · Jan 13, 2016

SororAKS.

Congratulations :yes: ,

You have worked hard and deserve this new phase in your life. Don't let the nay Sayers keep you down. Stay close to your program and your sponsor. Know that the rooms are always open and that the Promises continue to come true for those who will not forget the past or wish to close the door on it.

Lillyliberal - I have been out of diversion for 10 years and have know many nurses who have moved on in their careers without relapse. While relapse does happen it is not a forgone conclusion.

Peace and Namaste

Hppy

SororAKS, ADN, RN · Jan 13, 2016

Paidmydues:

Wow at the Vay Cay. You deserve it!

Think of the value of what you said in "you can't humiliate me anymore. I know my worth." Few nurses even know the true worth of what they do, let alone knowing it in their heart; or know their self worth. You truly have gone through the Trial by Fire. I think going through something like this and coming out on the other side really shows us a perspective on this that is worth its weight in gold.

If I have learned anything in this odyssey, that is it.

I thank you kindly for your sincere compliments, Paidmydues. I also look forward to hearing more from you on AN.

SororAKS, ADN, RN · Jan 13, 2016

Libby liberal and Hppy: Even though widely divergent, I see merit in both of your posts regarding relapse. It has been 15 years since I picked up any benzos. I did that by the simple "One Day At A Time". That's all any of us has. If I do certain things, certain things will and won't happen.

Relapse can and does happen, in the general population and among nurses. I never say "It can't happen to me" because that is part of how I got in the position I found myself in. On the other hand, I have tools now that I didn't have back then, and if I use them, there's a darn good chance that I won't use. But again all I have is today.

With days to come that I actually look forward to, instead of dread. I don't know what I'm coming back to, or where I'm going. But anything is better than running away like I did years ago.

paidmydues · Jan 13, 2016

Libbyliberal...I must be one of those people you refer to. I relapsed. I was sober for 25 years during which time I had recovery program, a marriage, family, earned two degrees, worked as a flight attendant and an RN. I got away from it all...lost perspective. I took one glass of wine at a winery and drank for 8 weeks. I got a DUI while on-call one night thank God never having seen a patient nor performing patient care. This was 2.5 years ago. The DUI since has been dismissed. I have rekindled my recovery. I am strong, capable and SAFE as a nurse as I am proving to my BON. I have a very treatable disease. I am sorry you have experienced so many of us relapse. I find strange (and a little amusing) that you liken the full Pixis in the med room to "putting an alcoholic behind a bar." For me going to work in wound care would be like moving to a dry county...doesn't work. Kinda like purgatory (no offense wound care nurses). I am FULLY prepared to grow and join life in all it's fullness. That's the gift of recovery. I desire the highest good for all of us...Paid

ProgressiveActivist, BSN, RN · Jan 13, 2016

Many nurses are successful at recovery from alcoholism.

The ones that I have worked with who were diverting and injecting narcotic opiates are different in many ways. Nearly all were rockstar ICU nurses. So many ruined careers. I have never seen one who didnt lose her license permanently

despite treatment other than the girl now working in wound care.

I do feel that it's better for someone with that

level addiction to avoid handling opiates and so does she. I guess she's one of the lucky ones. Except that the evil gossip about her is unbelievable...I want to punch them in the throat.

I have personally experienced the craving for a drink at

the end of the shift and a high tolerance for alcohol. I have not touched the stuff for year because I felt that I was turning into an alcohol abuser for sure, mainly because of my damn job.

Anyhow good luck to all. No offense intended and I will bow out now.

SororAKS, ADN, RN · Jan 13, 2016

None taken :)

SororAKS, ADN, RN · Jan 13, 2016

Seeing these accounts makes me think that nurse substance abuse is symptomatic of larger systemic issues.

Sure, we all chose to pick up something as a response to it. I do, however, think it is a larger issue.

renuza · Jan 13, 2016

Congrats on getting to where you are! Quite an accomplishment :up:

If it were me, I'd stay far, far away from all the areas you're from...ER, ICU, recovery room...too much temptation there.

Did you ever consider dialysis nursing? It sounded "boring" to me initially (sorry to dialysis nurses!!!) coming from a critical care setting, but it's actually quite interesting and rewarding and you develop quite a rapport with your crew and the patients. Also, many dialysis centers are recovery friendly. :yes:

Best of luck to you!

SororAKS, ADN, RN · Jan 14, 2016

That is one area that I am considering :) Thank you for your kind reply.