I'm really upset by this and just need to vent. I hope it's allowed here. If it's not, I apologize in advance and the moderators here can delete it.
My soon to be 14 year old son is in 8th grade. He has ADHD and TS and for the first time in quite a few years has a friend to hang out with in school. Unfortunately this kid (same age) also has ADHD and other problems. (you know, birds of a feather) He's not a bad kid, but he can be really pushy at times. That has caused a few minor problems because we are quite strict with our son, but we've always dealt with it.
Earlier today, around 11:30 we got a call from the school. My son and his friend had not returned from break. They couldn't find them anywhere. DH and I searched everywhere for them as well as several of the special ed teachers at the school. We checked everywhere....wooded parks, ravines, stores, malls, the public library and they were no where to be found. After almost 2 hours of that, we returned to the school. We were in the process of organizing to search a bigger area when one of the teachers found them. They were hiding on the very outskirts of the school property, hidden behind a fence and some trees.
My son is not the type of kid who will skip school. In fact, he's a real stickler for rules and routines.
We were taken to a back room in the school where we had a good chat with him. I have to admit I was livid. Then the story came out. Seems his friend refused to take his medication in the morning. During the break a group of kids started harrassing him and he took off. DS followed him and that's when the friend said that he was sick and tired of being picked on, that no one liked him, not even his family and that he was going to kill himself. DS got scared and wouldn't leave him alone, even though he heard the school staff calling for him. He sat there with his friend for almost 2 hours trying to talk him out of killing himself and going back to school. They were spotted by one of the teachers and brought back.
He cried his heart out while he told us that and my heart broke for him. He's simply too young to have to deal with this stuff. DH and I are very understanding and have only talked to him about it. But he will have to suffer the concequences at school for going AWOL. I think the principal will also go easy on him.
My son said that afterwards he was in a room catching up on the work he missed when he overheard his friend's dad in the room next door hollering at him.
He's so upset about this whole thing. I know he made a bad decision by not reporting it right away, but I know that he believed he was doing the right thing.
Poor kid is not saying much but I could see it in his face.....he's so sad.
My mother's heart breaks for him. I wish I could have shielded him from that somehow, but I know it's impossible.
I agree that there should be repurcussions for breaking the rules. That he should be reminded to go to an adult immediately, etc.
I also agree that he's a special kid, being there for his friend. As you said birds of a feather. Your son was probably the only one who could relate to his friend. What a good friend he is.
Specializes in Gen Surg, Peds, family med, geriatrics.
Thank you for your kind words. :)
I am proud of him, and told him so. And yes, both dh and I have reinforced that when something like that comes up the best thing to do is to go to an adult. But he said that he was afraid to leave his friend because he was afraid he would take off.
Tink RN, according to my ds, the boy was talking about jumping one of the fences to someone's backyard and jumping in one of the many pools that dot the area. As far as was my ds lying, that thought came to mind initially too, but after listening to his story and how he was reacting to it, I know it's true. It's just not something that he would be able to conjure up.
As for the boy, his mom called us yesterday and spoke with my dh. Poor woman was really upset. He's been bullied in that school for years. Unfortunately that school has a terrible reputation for that and even my kid was victimized last year. It's much better for him this year because dh and I kicked up such a fuss that they had to do something about it. (Actually, I think it was also my unspoken but very obviously implied message to the principal that if he didn't do anything about the bullying there would be heck to pay.) Yesterday was the last straw for that poor boy. He was playing with some younger kids and one accidently got a little cut on his finger. The bullies decided to do the vigilante thing and started to push him around and throw rocks at him. His mom said that he has never been that despondant and was thrilled that my ds was there for him. Dh gave her some advice on how to handle the situation. (We have the added advantage of having gone through that and also a mother in law who used to be president of the local PTA when they lived in the US. She knows the ropes and even though Canada is different, the same "ropes" work here too. :chuckle )
This is really upsetting. I was thinking of his friend all night long. The poor boy, no wonder he thought no one liked him. What makes matters worse is that last year I was working with a paeditrician and found out about a government funded anti-bullying program that has been very, very successful. I spoke with one of the heads of the program and was told that they would be more than happy to go to talk to the principal and even help them implement it. I gave all the info to the principal last year including the name and number of the person I spoke with (a direct line no less) and the school did nothing.
Maybe it's time that the parents get together and really do something about the problem of bullying in that school.
laurasc, as an adult who was bullied for many years growing up I thank you for your concern and compassion. It takes a collaborative effort by the adults to stop this sort of thing. Bullying affects the person for many many years. Well into my 20s and 30s I would have dreams. By the time I left high school I had zero self-esteem. I can seriously understand being suicidal and even homicidal.
Anyway, hope things work out. I'm glad this kid has a friend.
OK, I will be the bad guy. First, your child has excellent instincts> He did the right thing 100%. Here goes.......Your child doesn't need a high maintenance child to be responsible for during school hours. I would allow my son to be involved with this boy in supervised situations. Now you know how your son will react when he has to make a judgement. He will do the right thing. If you need to talk, I don't know how the message system works on this message board, but add @aol.com to this screen name.
Noney
564 Posts
I recently read a book called "Please stop laughing at me"
This post is making my think of that book. It's a book that I feel every parent as teacher should read.
Noney