OK, so the old joke "The Postman Always Rings Twice" can be easily converted to "The Noro-virus CAN Ring Twice". And once is enough. And never is better. And it helps when one washes their hands raw, but even then sometimes we end up with the nasty little bug anyways.
And then, as nurses, we are just smart enough to convince ourselves that we are about to die. For real. Is is really feasible to throw up 15 times in 24 hours?! I didn't think so. Until it happened.
I literally couldn't get out of bed, but had to. Numerous times. I groaned, a LOT. I think at one point I was crying. I made the best dinner ever. Went to bed just in the BEST mood. Woke up with a start because, well, something was not right.
And then, it began. And continued. And for every whining mess of a patient I have ever dealt with in my many years, no was was worse than me. For real. I blush at how I became a fluid leaking, gagging, crying demon.
My dh says "do you think you want to go to the ER?" Me: "Uhm, Nooooooo (gag,spit,burp) I don't get sick, I am never sick long and I will....excuse me....(gag, spit, burp). And crying.....I took a temporary leave of my senses.
I didn't leave the bed unless I needed to. Thought my end had come. Was funeral planning. Thought I would get decubitus if I didn't move. Swore up and down that I had aspirated and would now have a secondary pneumonia. Seriously. I said that out loud.
"Do you HEAR this wheeze?!?!?!" (There was no wheeze).
I was sure that I must now have an arrythmia from the lack of potassium in my body. "FEEL my PULSE.....I think I have put myself in A-Fib or something." Truly, said that. Out loud.
"I am HOTTTTT, I have a FEVER......I am BURNING"....and yes, to my credit, I did have a low grade fever. However, I was not delusionally into the 103-104 range (which at least could have explained my very poor behavior).
"Great. Now I have turned septic. I am going into SHOCK or something. Where is my blood pressure cuff? What is my B/P to pulse ratio?!?!?!"
My dh got the kids off, got himself to work, so he left me. Alone. So what that I said "I just vant to be alonnneeee" like I was a 30's movie starlet. So, I called my mother. She was not very sympathetic. She told me that I was over-reacting because I am hardly ever ill. That I needed to lay off my poor husband, shut my eyes and get some rest. Humph. Like SHE knows anything.
Coming from a nurse who's cure all is "take a shower, have a cup of tea, and I am sure you will feel soooo much better" this was a very, very poor performance. The more we know, the more suggestive we become. And I am somehow a big whiny baby with attitude. Not my best day.
Like all horrible but swift moving viruses, the next day I was markedly better. I could open both eyes, sit up, and take nourishment. (And I was really, really careful to advance my diet with the slowness of a snail. Who the heck does this?! Uhm, me.)
I am a hand washing fanatic. I bleach everything. My house smells like the laud-ro-mat. What I couldn't bleach, I disinfectant sprayed. Who knew that it said to "saturate" and let sit. Everyone reeks of lysol. But there has been no barfing now for a few days.
Such as life, and life goes on...and if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at....especially when my dh and kids are saying "I vannnnt to be aloneeeeee" like they are making fun of me. IMAGINE. Humph. I was circling the DRAIN for heaven sakes......
(Disclaimer: The norovirus, stomach flu, bug, whatever you want to call it, it does stink. And this is certainly just my experience, I would never give anyone advice on when to seek treatment, and I don't make light of this sickness...which can be dangerous...only my reaction to it.)
