Nit picky, demanding, control freak families

mattsmom81 · Sep 16, 2005

WOW! I would have probably lost it by then said lets step out side. Tell her You may do things different than. I But This does not give you the right or license to correct you in front of Pt or family. I would have written her Up with the agency . I would not care if the PT is a vegetable, That RN, she doesn't have the right, Very unprofessional .As we well know a lot of these kids respond to stimuli and can feel the tension This is not good for them as well as you . How dare this RN play games back in forth. I would be telling her Put every thing in writing so you have documentation to show the agency. I hope you have been documenting every thing out of this RN mouth to back your self up dates and all .In case they let you go so you can collect UN-employment most of the cases that are fought are won by the employee.
Happy

Yes I told her neither the patient nor the family needs to see this tension between us, so please can the petty critiques every shift change...LOL!!

Not that it really matters, but this is a LPN behaving badly towards me (RN) . Nurses shouldn't treat each other this way regardles of title. She is the longterm nurse with this family, so she feels some sense of superiority apparently...:chuckle

NurseHERay · Nov 27, 2005

:uhoh3: This sounds so familiar! I worked 6 years in home health with peds. I worked with some great families who appreciated my work. But had a few control freaks. LOL This one lady taped notes all over the house....wipe your feet before entering the house....wash your hands before entering the refrigerator....wash your hands after using the bathroom!! She made a list of what to do each day. She also started writing notes about each nurse and how she rated their work. CRAZY...... She got upset with me when I dressed the child for a DR.s appointment because I didn't put a pink pull-up over the childs diaper! a 4 yo..vegatative state...

I didn't work with her long at all. She wanted me back...couldn't keep a nurse. I try to be understanding and respectful but if someone thinks they have to tell me to wash my hands after using the bathroom....they don't need me taking care of their medically fragile child! Sheeesh

CseMgr1, ASN, RN · Nov 27, 2005

This sounds so familiar! I worked 6 years in home health with peds. I worked with some great families who appreciated my work. But had a few control freaks. LOL This one lady taped notes all over the house....wipe your feet before entering the house....wash your hands before entering the refrigerator....wash your hands after using the bathroom!! She made a list of what to do each day. She also started writing notes about each nurse and how she rated their work. CRAZY...... She got upset with me when I dressed the child for a DR.s appointment because I didn't put a pink pull-up over the childs diaper! a 4 yo..vegatative state...
I didn't work with her long at all. She wanted me back...couldn't keep a nurse. I try to be understanding and respectful but if someone thinks they have to tell me to wash my hands after using the bathroom....they don't need me taking care of their medically fragile child! Sheeesh

This is one of many reasons why I quit doing home health over five years ago. As a supervisor, I began to catch more and more hell over the "make, type and model" of the nurses and CNA's assigned to these cases, which made scheduling difficult...if not impossible. These family members would complain that certain staff members were either "too fat, "incompetent" or the "wrong color". They also wanted the visits done at a certain time, and not a second earlier or later. And, when the verbal abuse began (among other things), and I was not allowed to defend myself, I got out...and I haven't looked back. WE have feelings, too, you know!

NurseHERay · Nov 27, 2005

This is one of many reasons why I quit doing home health over five years ago. As a supervisor, I began to catch more and more hell over the "make, type and model" of the nurses and CNA's assigned to these cases, which made scheduling difficult...if not impossible. These family members would complain that certain staff members were either "too fat, "incompetent" or the "wrong color". They also wanted the visits done at a certain time, and not a second earlier or later. And, when the verbal abuse began (among other things), and I was not allowed to defend myself, I got out...and I haven't looked back. WE have feelings, too, you know!

Yes WE do have feelings too! I've dealt with the same type of complaints over the "make, type and model" nurses. One lady chased a nurse out her house with a bat!! :uhoh3: I quit home health 8 months ago...I do sometimes miss working with "special need" children but not their families.

luv4nursing · Nov 29, 2005

Yes WE do have feelings too! I've dealt with the same type of complaints over the "make, type and model" nurses. One lady chased a nurse out her house with a bat!! I quit home health 8 months ago...I do sometimes miss working with "special need" children but not their families.

what area are you working in now? Im currently in peds home health. Im a new grad and luckily my first case has been a good fit for me and the family. we get along great with no problems and they truly appreciate me. They claim Im heaven sent compared to the night nurse I replaced who would simply come to work, set her alarm and go to sleep...lol. THey even provide me with a blanket/pillow at night bc they dont mind cat napping/dozing as long as everything is done when and how it should be. They dont watch over me all the time either which I like bc I get nervous when Im watched...:)

I know this wont always be the case but I am glad to have this as my first job.

NurseHERay · Nov 29, 2005

what area are you working in now? Im currently in peds home health. Im a new grad and luckily my first case has been a good fit for me and the family. we get along great with no problems and they truly appreciate me. They claim Im heaven sent compared to the night nurse I replaced who would simply come to work, set her alarm and go to sleep...lol. THey even provide me with a blanket/pillow at night bc they dont mind cat napping/dozing as long as everything is done when and how it should be. They dont watch over me all the time either which I like bc I get nervous when Im watched...:)
I know this wont always be the case but I am glad to have this as my first job.

Hello... I worked in peds home health for 6 years. I had some great families! My first case was the best. I still occasionally visit the foster mom of my first patient. Several families have kept in contact with me over the years. I worked one case 3 years and was really close to the family. But I have worked with some very rude families!! (not but 2 or 3 shifts b/c I would refuse to go back) I was just ready for a change... I do sometimes miss working with peds. I now work @ a correctional facility. And believe me it's definitely a CHANGE. LOL :rolleyes:

Good luck @ your new job! :balloons:

RNTN27 · Dec 1, 2005

I'D SAY CHANGE! CHILDREN TO CONVICTS, SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST!:chuckle WE DEFINITELY HAVE PROBLEMS WITH SCHEDULING AT THE OFFICE I WORK FOR BECAUSE THE REPEAT OFFENDERS, (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) WANT THE SAME NURSE, HHA, PTA AND SO ON, REALLY GETS ON MY NERVES!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE OTHER NURSES THINK YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO CAUSE THAT PARTICULAR PT TO SHOW SUCH FAVORTISM TOWARDS YOU. JEALOUSY IS A BIG ISSUE!!!!

luv4nursing · Dec 5, 2005

I'D SAY CHANGE! CHILDREN TO CONVICTS, SOUNDS LIKE A BLAST!:chuckle WE DEFINITELY HAVE PROBLEMS WITH SCHEDULING AT THE OFFICE I WORK FOR BECAUSE THE REPEAT OFFENDERS, (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) WANT THE SAME NURSE, HHA, PTA AND SO ON, REALLY GETS ON MY NERVES!!! ESPECIALLY WHEN THE OTHER NURSES THINK YOU HAVE DONE SOMETHING TO CAUSE THAT PARTICULAR PT TO SHOW SUCH FAVORTISM TOWARDS YOU. JEALOUSY IS A BIG ISSUE!!!!

LOL :) funny. Definitely something different! I may try that out sometime, the agencies send nurse out to the jail around here. Some of the other nurses Ive met at work so far say I shouldnt limit myself to one thing and should try out all different types of work...keeps u fresh and on your toes and helps u keep your skills.

Kristiern1 · Dec 6, 2005

I have certainly experienced my share of controlling families in my nursing career, and agree they can be very frustrating. Not to really play devil's advocate, but I can't even imagine being in the position that some of these parents are. I can imagine having a chronically ill child, especially one requiring that level of care throws your world into a tailspin. I would be inclined to address controlling issues in another manner. I would suspect these parents probably feel a lack of control in every other aspect of their life when it comes to their child. Being controlling at home may be their attempt to hold on to some level of control in their life. I would consider approaching them with something that encourages open communication. As in my experience in the critical care environment, before taking offense about something someone says, I try to put myself in their shoes and remember that typically statements that come out sounding angry typically originate in fear and try to explore that. I certainly don't think anyone should tolerate agressive/abusive type behavior but just understand where some of the control issues may come from

blynn · Dec 7, 2005

I've been reading this thread, and it is ALL coming back to me now! I quit working home care about a year and a half ago, and I have not looked back! I did pediatric home care for about four years, fresh out of nursing school.

The first case that I worked was absolutely great. The family was nice, really laid back, they were easy to communicate with and always willing to explain why they wanted things the way they want them. They were never unreasonable. Ever. I worked with them for about two years, and then the little boy no longer needed a trach (which is great!) and they lost their funding for private duty nursing. So I moved on to a different case... also known as.. THE CASE FROM HELL.

We are talking about a control freak mom from hell here. I tried very hard to put myself in her shoes. I knew that the family had recently relocated from a very small rural area where they were used to having to know how to do everything, because if their kid needed a trip to the ER, the staff literally did not know how to care for their child. I knew that she had self esteem issues, that she felt like doctors and nurses stopped taking her seriously once they learned she didn't have a college degree. And I also constantly reminded myself that it has got to be EXTREMELY difficult to have strangers in your home on a regular basis, even if you get to know them. Like it or not, when you are working home care, you learn a lot of stuff about a family that you'd rather not know. And I'm sure they'd rather that you didn't know, either. This was a very private family. I'm not a nosy person in the slightest, but when you work nights in a home for two years you can't help but notice that the dad is sleeping on the couch every night for six months at a time. They are aware that you are aware of things, even though you do your best to be invisible.

But I digress...

Anyway, the mom was just really very unpleasant. She didn't like being woken up if there was a problem with the child, but if you didn't wake her up she'd be furious the next day. I could never GET her to wake up when it was time for me to go home in the morning, and I'd end up waiting for twenty minutes after shift for her to get in gear so I could report off and go home. She'd change the schedule so that you'd find yourself scheduled to be coming in two hours earlier than normal, and not even ask you if you were available to do so. Or she'd change the schedule so that you were suddenly working every Saturday night for two months, and not understand at all when you explained that you would not be able to do that for her. The agency tried to step in, and actually they were very good about being an advocate for me, but eventually it just got to be too much. After one particularly memorable event in which the mom and dad got very confrontational (I had stopped a G-tube feeding due to the patient having an upset stomach. She missed out on three ounces of water, total. This was actually what they had told me to do, but they somehow seemed to have forgotten that little tidbit and proceded to jump straight down my throat.) I began looking for a new job. In truth, I was sorely tempted to walk out on them right then and there, but I had recently purchased my condo and couldn't afford to not be working. It took a while to find the right position, but now I'm very happy, working in a clinic setting.

Wow, that was very theraputic to get all of that out. Sorry to have rambled on so much.

To summarize. Home care- procede with extreme caution!

Brita01 · Dec 10, 2005

I remember getting them in the hospital: Mom runs the show at home and immediately gets into a turf war in the hospital because 'the nurses don't know what they're doing."
Well I'm doing a private duty case in the home with one of these ...GAK!
She has a schedule written up with a med and treatment, etc every hour, and specific rules about how everything should be done. if its not 'her' way its wrong.
I just noticed she has a camera fixed on the patient care area so they can watch us in bed. She made a point of telling me she saw a nurse 'sleeping' once,( head down briefly on the table by the patient) another gave a 1 am and 2 am med together...and she fired them both...because she doesn't allow either and she was watching them in bed.
I don't know how to handle this mother, or if I can stand working with her. Any suggestions?? The other nurses told me she hurts their feeling continuously...because they've been with her 5 years and she STILL makes a point to watch them doing cares and nitpick ever little thing. I can't help but feel they have enabled this poor behavior by not confronting it. What does everyone here think??

Wow. This sounds like the mother of one of my patients, except for the camera. But I wouldn't be surprised if she had a camera hidden somewhere that we didn't know about. She does the post-it note thing. My favorite post-it notes are on the trash can and the laundry hamper. "Please take out trash after you finish your shift". That's a no brainer. "Please do laundry after you finish your shift." Huh? Who's sticking around after 12 hours to do laundry? I mean, really, do these families forget that we are nurses and at least have the common sense to know when to do things? I know when to do the laundry, thank you very much. And no matter how comfortably you have her 35 year-old son positioned in bed, she will come right behind you and move a pillow, or remove/add a sheet or blanket just to show you that she can do the job better. I used to work with her son two nights a week, but I had to reduce it to one night a week, because that's the longest amount of time I can stand to be around her. She says bad things about all of us behind our backs to the other nurses, as if we don't talk to eachother. Then, to our face, she tells us that we do a much better job than any of the other nurses do. Is that trying to play us against eachother or what? We just laugh about it to eachother and continue to let the mother have her sense of control.

Meanwhile, my other family is the total opposite (the family I work with 4 nights a week and would retire with if I could). They make you feel like part of the family, trust you completely, offer you anything that they have. I just love them all.

As far as dealing with your situation, there isn't a lot that you and the other nurses can do. These people just don't seem to get it even when their door becomes a revolving one for new nurse after new nurse. Most won't change their behavior, because for them it's the only way that they have control. I know this one family I used to work with who can't keep a nurse at all, and they still don't get it.