New job, so discouraged and sad

[misha]

I recently moved to my second nursing job and I am very discouraged. My orientation was extended two more shifts. I think I made a mistake coming here. I could really use some words of encouragement right now from nurses specifically.

I have been struggling with my mental health for a while. social anxiety/general anxiety and depression. I feel like I’m always on the brink of crying. I am working on it with therapy and medication, but it’s a long process. Nursing is not the cause of course, but it’s definitely putting it’s toll on me.

I came from my first nursing job at a very large teaching hospital. High acuity patients, we drew all our own labs, lots of bed bound patients etc. in general busy place to work. constantly understaffed and pressuring me to do a bunch of overtime. but, tons of new grads like me.

new job is a smaller hospital. More support staff like CNA and phlebotomists. More walky-talky patients and elective surgery patients who go home after a night. More down time, for sure. But there is new stuff I have to learn, for example I never really had stroke patients or ortho patients before bc they used to go to specialized units at my old hospital.

I applied here after only 10 months of experience at my old job. I wanted to change jobs so I could be closer to my support system (my parents) and I thought a smaller hospital that didn’t have nurses do overtime might be less stressful, which I think may have been a dumb idea.

I think I made a mistake by leaving so soon. I left after only 10 months of experience. I should have stayed until I felt more confident as a nurse. I felt so overwhelmed & constantly busy at my old job, but the culture was great and I was surrounded by other baby nurses who understood as well as experienced nurses who looked after me and were always willing to help me and teach me.

The hospital I work for now is not used to new nurses. I am by far the most inexperienced on the unit. during my orientation I lack confidence, especially with the types of patients I’ve never had before. they are treating me like a new grad. They extended my orientation which I think is making things worse in a way because I get very nervous from hovering. I think I could do better with some space but they don’t agree.

Then more nervous I appear the more they hover and take over my job for me. I was trying to admit a patient but they wouldn’t let me do it, they interrupted me, kept saying I have to do this first no this first why haven’t you started asking her questions yet etc when I was just trying to get her settled in. Later that shift the patient didn’t want me to start her IV because she didn’t know if I should do this by myself since “all the other nurses were telling you what to do earlier” I’m decent at IVs but after she said that I felt so defeated because I knew she didn’t trust me. I was so nervous when starting hers my hands shook.

Yes I lack experience. I am soft spoken but I’m trying my best to improve my communication skills. I think I am a competent nurse. I’m kind, I am thorough, I’m safe, I check all the orders and make sure things are done. I ask when I don’t know something. I’m a little slow doing admissions but in general my time management is good. I need to improve on some of my knowledge, for example get better at performing stroke assessments. Really there is a ton I don’t know yet I admit, but I’m wanting to learn. And I think there’s a lot I do know, like maintaining insulin and heparin drips, chest tubes and trachs etc that we never get at this hospital. I don’t think I’m in an environment where people are as willing to teach me anymore. They expect me to know it all and give me this look when I don’t, I’m very discouraged.

I am frustrated and tired. I am so disappointed that my orientation was extended, other nurses are treating me different now. I try to remember the good things about myself but I can’t help but feel like a stupid nurse. I can’t help but take on the doubts other nurses have of me. I am so anxious thinking about work I can’t relax on my days off. I feel like I made a mistake leaving after only 10 months.

I know I need to be strong and be more confident to get through this but I’m feeling defeated right now. My mental health is at an all time low, I can’t be alone bc my thoughts get to me too much so I have a very hard time at night when my parents are asleep and I cry a lot. If anyone has similar stories or advice or anything to offer my right now I’d be really grateful.

[nursebert, MSN]

I wish that I could be your mentor and support and help you thrive. You sound like a wonderful nurse. Take care.

[speedynurse, ADN, BSN, RN, EMT-P]

I don’t know the situation you are in, but it really sounds like it is discouraging with the environment you are in. I recently sort of did the same thing. I am not a new nurse and consider myself fairly proficient at my job. I went from a very busy and high acuity ER to a low acuity and not busy ER. However the environment is very different. At the old one, there were lots of new graduates and I enjoyed looking after them. My team was very supportive for the most part and respected me for my work ethic. It’s very different at the new job and am often talked down too as well. It happens...

First, there is nothing wrong with you or your personality or even your skill set. It sounds like you likely get run over because you are quiet and soft spoken. However those are not bad traits and I am sure your patients appreciate that. You are learning and there is actually nothing wrong with even an extended orientation. One thing I suggest is to not give up yet because you sound competent and like a nurse that wants to do her job well. I would suggest speaking up more, even if you need to do it in a meeting with your nurse manager and educator. Once you “find your voice” then people are less likely to run you into the ground or belittle you. I wish I could help!

[amoLucia]

2 hours ago, nursebert said:

I wish that I could be your mentor and support and help you thrive. You sound like a wonderful nurse. Take care.

This says it for me too. Only I've retired, but if I could, I'd give you a big hug (sorry, a virtual one).

Take a deep breath and just do your best. There'll prob be many more nurses out here who feel for you too.

Can't offer you any suggestions. Good luck and stay safe.

[teresauk]

Hi, how are you?

It does sound tough there, but focus on you, your skills, your patients and look other nurses in the eye - think of their attitude as their problem, let them be the way they are. Ask if you need to know something, with confidence not apology. Look them in the eye, relax, smile, treat them as professional colleagues. Acting a part leads to being the part after a couple of weeks. Focus on being professional, focus on the job in hand, if you're not sure of something then just say I need to check something - without any apology, look at them with a pleasant expression, in the same way you would ask a friend something. They will relax, their own confidence in you will rise. They are picking up on your feelings. Body language is powerful - stand up straight, be proud of the job you are doing, it's early days. Then find someone you can talk to outside work. A life coach if you can afford it, or a helpline. Read up on confidence building and read up on the subjects which are new to you. I'll be happy to follow up if you wish to ask about anything else.

All good wishes - T x

[amoLucia]

Just one other thing to remember - NOW is a terrible to be doing much of anything work-wise. Everybody is on edge with worry, be it overt or covert worry.

I don't know if that'll help you see the bigger pix here, but it might help to explain things somewhat.

Again, good luck to you. Stay safe & stay strong.

[misha]

Hello,

Thank you everyone for your advice and words of encouragement ? I really needed it and it meant a lot. I am still having a lot anxiety at work and my days off, but my last shift was better and my coworkers do seem more friendly and encouraging than before.

20 hours ago, amoLucia said:

Just one other thing to remember - NOW is a terrible to be doing much of anything work-wise. Everybody is on edge with worry, be it overt or covert worry.

I don't know if that'll help you see the bigger pix here, but it might help to explain things somewhat.

Again, good luck to you. Stay safe & stay strong.

That's a good point, I will try not to take it as personally. Thanks for the reminder!

[misha]

On 4/20/2020 at 6:34 PM, nursebert said:

I wish that I could be your mentor and support and help you thrive. You sound like a wonderful nurse. Take care.

Thank you so much.

[misha]

On 4/20/2020 at 7:11 PM, speedynurse said:

I don’t know the situation you are in, but it really sounds like it is discouraging with the environment you are in. I recently sort of did the same thing. I am not a new nurse and consider myself fairly proficient at my job. I went from a very busy and high acuity ER to a low acuity and not busy ER. However the environment is very different. At the old one, there were lots of new graduates and I enjoyed looking after them. My team was very supportive for the most part and respected me for my work ethic. It’s very different at the new job and am often talked down too as well. It happens...

First, there is nothing wrong with you or your personality or even your skill set. It sounds like you likely get run over because you are quiet and soft spoken. However those are not bad traits and I am sure your patients appreciate that. You are learning and there is actually nothing wrong with even an extended orientation. One thing I suggest is to not give up yet because you sound competent and like a nurse that wants to do her job well. I would suggest speaking up more, even if you need to do it in a meeting with your nurse manager and educator. Once you “find your voice” then people are less likely to run you into the ground or belittle you. I wish I could help!

It was really comforting to me to read that I'm not the only one in a situation like this (although I'm sorry you don't have as supportive of a team as you used to!) Thanks for your encouragement.

On 4/20/2020 at 8:54 PM, amoLucia said:

This says it for me too. Only I've retired, but if I could, I'd give you a big hug (sorry, a virtual one).

Take a deep breath and just do your best. There'll prob be many more nurses out here who feel for you too.

Can't offer you any suggestions. Good luck and stay safe.

Thank you ?

[misha]

On 4/29/2020 at 3:57 AM, teresauk said:

Hi, how are you?

It does sound tough there, but focus on you, your skills, your patients and look other nurses in the eye - think of their attitude as their problem, let them be the way they are. Ask if you need to know something, with confidence not apology. Look them in the eye, relax, smile, treat them as professional colleagues. Acting a part leads to being the part after a couple of weeks. Focus on being professional, focus on the job in hand, if you're not sure of something then just say I need to check something - without any apology, look at them with a pleasant expression, in the same way you would ask a friend something. They will relax, their own confidence in you will rise. They are picking up on your feelings. Body language is powerful - stand up straight, be proud of the job you are doing, it's early days. Then find someone you can talk to outside work. A life coach if you can afford it, or a helpline. Read up on confidence building and read up on the subjects which are new to you. I'll be happy to follow up if you wish to ask about anything else.

All good wishes - T x

Hi, things have been a little better. Thank you so much for your reply. This is something a professor of mine told me to, stop focusing so much on others and just focus on yourself and giving good care to the patients. Sounds obvious but surprisingly difficult sometimes. I'm still struggling with my confidence but I've been more aware of my body language and speaking up. Thanks again for your advice and encouragement

[amoLucia]

misha - please consider posting back here a little later on. It is hoped that you'll be feeling more comfortable with your position and things will settle down for you & everyone else at this crazy time.

I believe that I speak for many others with myself in that we appreciate the come-back.

Wishing you well.

[Nikha Rana, BSN, RN]

Hope things are getting better for you!