Need to vent

nursej22, MSN, RN · Jul 21, 2010

{{{hugs}}} Yes, been there, felt that, and good news, got better with the help of a wonderful therapist, brief round of medication, and getting off of night shift.

Call your EAP ASAP. If you don't have one, call your PCP and get some help. I am not trying to diagnose you, but for myself I was clinically depressed.

You will get better, but you need to get some help. EAP is totally confidential, and at my employment, the first 10 counseling sessions are free.

classicdame, MSN, EdD · Jul 21, 2010

it may get better with time, but why wait? How can you be "job-hopping" if this is your only position since graduation? To be honest, more than half of new grads leave their first position the first year or two, so don't beat yourself up. I do not see how hurting yourself would do anything but create more problems, including loss of licensure if your state BON deemed you unstable. I STRONGLY recommend you talk to someone professionally (counselor, psychologist, etc). Perhaps your job has employee assisstance program????? Get help and get out now.

cathyrn01 · Jul 21, 2010

I agree with the other posters, you need to get out of that situation.

cube · Jul 21, 2010

I agree with the previous posts. You should transfer out of the ER. It is not for everyone. It is not 'job hopping'. ER just is not the right fit for you. Talk to your manager and ask to shadow some other nurses in other departments to see what else is available for you. The great thing about nursing is that there are many different areas! This is a great field. Maybe you should consider L&D. There is still some degree of stress, but it is very rewarding.

Sophiamez · Jul 21, 2010

I recently started working as an RN in the ER at a local hospital and I HATE it. I graduated in Dec 2009 and have been in the ER now for a few months and am still on orientation. I did med-surg for a little while before that. But I dread going to work so bad. On my days off I can't think about anything except not wanting to go to work. When I'm at work I'm almost in tears every second. The amount of stress I'm in is unreal. I have been so depressed lately-not wanting to do anything except stay in bed and sleep and watch TV. When it comes time for me to work I'm a basket case. Here lately I fantasize about hurting myself just bad enough to get out of work-like tripping down the stairs and breaking my ankle, making myself vomit, breaking an arm..ANYTHING just so I won't have to work. I'm not suicidal, but I wish to be sick or injured to the point of not being able to work. I've never been like this before with any other job- as I usually enjoy working. The thought of nursing in general makes me cringe-but never did in school. I can't quit-as I have bills that I have to pay. So I don't know what to do. I don't want to keep job hopping and burning bridges this early in my career so I'm stuck. I'm just afraid if I don't get something else soon I may go off the deep end. Has anyone else ever felt like this? Is this job driving me to insanity? Will it ever get better?

hi... i hope your situation gets better with time. Maybe to help you vent more, what about the job makes you cry. I mean, what specifically don't you like about it? the people, the doctor, the job itself (what about it), etc... maybe when you break it down, you won't feel over taken by it all. Let it out...

Calibean · Jul 21, 2010

I started as a new grad in the ER, and while I loved some aspects of the ER, knew it was not a good fit for me. I struggled through 6 long months of working nights in the ER before I quit. I found a position as a school nurse and feel that (at least for now), I have truly found my calling. Life is far to short to want to make yourself sick or get hurt to be able to call out. Start looking for something else and try to do something to ease the stress now. (I did a lot of Taekwondo/kickboxing to reduce my stress). Good luck to you.

fungez · Jul 21, 2010

Oh, you are so not alone.

When I worked nights I used to fantasize about running my car into a tree. Yeah, the car would be totalled but at least I'd be able to legimately call in. I used to cry driving in I hated it so much. I will never work another night shift again, not if they pay me triple time.

I worked ER for a year and I hated it. Not everything. I thought the docs were brilliant and there was a really great camraderie. But I hated the drama - hated, hated, hated it. Hated the druggies. And I though working triage was a lawsuit waiting to happen, because it was so understaffed. They expected me to check patients in, work the window, and keep track of the lobby. I don't think so. I'm the type of person, if I'm interrupted, it takes me minute to gather my thoughts. And working triage was a constant interruption. Other people could handle it okay but not me.

So now I work prn M/S (I also hate missing family stuff because of having to work, and I'm not doing it anymore) and that's the best it's going to get. I still don't like it, but I don't cry going to work anymore. So try on getting the least awful job. I wish you the best.

TatyanaSon · Jul 21, 2010

i'm so sorry you feel this way and I have a feeling I will not enjoy nursing (haven't started yet). What exactly is making you feel that way? I personally feel I would be most stressed out and upset about my job due to feeling incompetent and knowing what to do in a particular situation. At my previous job (nursing is my second career) I fest very comfortable and was happy to go to work, but nursing is like nothing else.

NurseLily22 · Jul 21, 2010

Thanks to everyone. I have been looking up therapy online-so maybe that's a route I'll go with. I would love to be able to switch departments within my hospital-to maybe give another area a try but we have to be in our "home department" for 6 months before we can transfer. That would put me at 4 more months and at this point if I was to stay 4 more months in the ER I'd go crazy. Hurting myself could be a true potential. I NEVER thought I'd end up like this-never thought I could end up depressed with thoughts of hurting myself but it's a real possibility now. No body knows what someone is going through until they are in their shoes. And to answer the question about what I hate...it's EVERYTHING. The ER I work in everyone is only there for themselves- there is NO team effort. If one nurse has 5 patients and tasks to do on all of them, and theres another nurse with no patients at the moment- the nurse with no patients will sit at this nurses station talking and lauhing, while the other nurse drowns. Everyone I work with is lazy, rude, and if I ask questions-I am made to feel retarded. The ER is a stressful environment regardless but you add everything else to the mix and it's HELL.

Nurse1211 · Jul 21, 2010

You are not alone at all! I remember my first job was L&D... Thoughts of getting hit by a bus on my way to work actually crossed my mind and I actually had a panic attack on the bus on my way to work!

I got on an antidepressant and changed departments.

Hang in there, get help, talk to a professional and you will find your niche.

NocturneRN · Jul 21, 2010

i'm so sorry you feel this way and I have a feeling I will not enjoy nursing (haven't started yet). What exactly is making you feel that way? I personally feel I would be most stressed out and upset about my job due to feeling incompetent and knowing what to do in a particular situation. At my previous job (nursing is my second career) I fest very comfortable and was happy to go to work, but nursing is like nothing else.

When you're a new nurse, it's sometimes very hard to tell whether you hate a job because it's not a good fit, or because you weren't given the tools you needed to learn to handle it well.

Many years ago, I worked (briefly) in critical care, and I remember feeling just as the original poster describes. Since then, I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't so much me or my expectations that were at fault----it was that I received a really poor orientation. (They cut it short because my preceptor went on medical leave, and there was no one else who wanted to precept.)

I'll never forget the time the charge nurse pointed out something (noncritical) I'd done wrong, and, when I explained that no one had shown me the right way, she said, "You're a f*****g liar. The clinical instructor ALWAYS covers that during orientation." How could any new nurse manage to thrive under those circumstances? Even so, I blamed myself. (Nurses are great at that!) I kept trying to get with the program, and finally I did succeed (after a fashion), but never felt comfortable there. After a couple of years, I left for a different specialty.

My point with all this is that every hospital (in fact, every unit) has a different climate, and you might find that another ER is a much better fit for you. Even if you're thoroughly burned out on emergency nursing, I wouldn't lose a lot of sleep worrying about looking as if you were job hopping. If you've honestly given it all you've got, and it still isn't working for you, then I'd start looking elsewhere. You might be pleasantly surprised at how much better you feel about yourself, in a different environment.