Need to vent

Michael141 · Jul 22, 2010

If you're doubting nursing as your main career, then maybe you should give yourself some time to think, prioritize your thoughts, and let god do the rest.

shoegalRN, RN · Jul 22, 2010

When you're a new nurse, it's sometimes very hard to tell whether you hate a job because it's not a good fit, or because you weren't given the tools you needed to learn to handle it well.
Many years ago, I worked (briefly) in critical care, and I remember feeling just as the original poster describes. Since then, I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't so much me or my expectations that were at fault----it was that I received a really poor orientation. (They cut it short because my preceptor went on medical leave, and there was no one else who wanted to precept.)
I'll never forget the time the charge nurse pointed out something (noncritical) I'd done wrong, and, when I explained that no one had shown me the right way, she said, "You're a f*****g liar. The clinical instructor ALWAYS covers that during orientation." How could any new nurse manage to thrive under those circumstances? Even so, I blamed myself. (Nurses are great at that!) I kept trying to get with the program, and finally I did succeed (after a fashion), but never felt comfortable there. After a couple of years, I left for a different specialty.
My point with all this is that every hospital (in fact, every unit) has a different climate, and you might find that another ER is a much better fit for you. Even if you're thoroughly burned out on emergency nursing, I wouldn't lose a lot of sleep worrying about looking as if you were job hopping. If you've honestly given it all you've got, and it still isn't working for you, then I'd start looking elsewhere. You might be pleasantly surprised at how much better you feel about yourself, in a different environment.

This totally explains how my start in the ICU began. I was set up to fail, due to different preceptors, no support from the charge nurses, or even the educator for that matter.

I went home every morning in tears. I would vomit before I had to go into work. I probably could have been successful in the ICU, had I had a totally different orientation.

I switched to the ER. I have been successful so far, mainly due to my co-workers and the orientation I received. I will probably remain in the ER for a long while, as I am too afraid to venture into a new specialty in fear of failing due to a poor orientation.

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2010

When you're a new nurse, it's sometimes very hard to tell whether you hate a job because it's not a good fit, or because you weren't given the tools you needed to learn to handle it well.
I fear this is a problem with our new nurses--and actually people, in general. I don't understand what is going on with society....
OP, please get help. I wish you the best, and I mean, the best of wellness...
Good luck....

FiduciaRN · Jul 22, 2010

Wow, I feel like the OP read my mind exactly. I just came off orientation in the ER and hate it. I cry everyday before I go in. I'm totally miserable. I feel inept there. I thought I hated being a float, but the ER is a totally different beast. My hospital is always booming. Last night, I walked into a mess and instantly went into freak out mode. I couldn't get a line to save my life, was behind on everything. I had a hard time picking up pts. It seemed like every 3 minutes a new pt came by ambulance, one worse than the next. All night critical pts were put in the main instead of the crit area. I wish I never left my old jo and now I am stuck. I have to stay in the same spot for a year before I could transfer. Ugggggh. I may have a breakdown by then. To the OP, I really feel your pain, and wish you all the best and keep on keepin on.

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Jul 22, 2010

Can't you tell someone - a preceptor maybe - and ask to go on more training programs? You say you can't transfer or quit, so you will have to take charge of the situation. God will not help you as one poster said; you have to help yourself.

If you can't leave you have to make the best of it. I stayed in some really crappy jobs when I was studying & put up with almost daily humiliation cos I needed the money. It was degrading and soul destroying so I do know how you feel. And when I was a 3rd year student, it was 10 times worse; and I am usually a person who says what they think - I'm not shy - but I had to bite my tongue when I just wanted to scream at them for belittling me. I used to retch getting out the car going to work, & I now have reflux/indigestion problems from it. So I think you are normal wanting to hurt yourself - it is your brain's way of trying to get your body to find a way out, but having said that, please don't do it! (think of kids feigning illness to get out of school maybe due to bullying).

If you get more training in different aspects of the ER, maybe you will empower yourself more, ie: become more confident & won't feel sick etc. Having said that just apply for other jobs - go for anything just so you can eventually get out.

WhichWayIsUp? · Jul 22, 2010

Hi. I think your best course of action is to go to your direct supervisor and tell him/her how you feel about your unit. Then you need to advise this supervisor that you need to be allowed to transfer to another unit. Yes, most managers do not want to hear that a new hire is unhappy. However, we also do not want employees that are unhappy in their positions feeling trapped. Productivity and attitude tends to drop significantly when the new hire is placed in this position. If the supervisor and HR are competent they will allow you to transfer. I have signed many transfer forms before the 6th month lock was completed. Good luck, your sanity and health are more important than anything at all, including finances. Make a change, but you need to start with your current job first. Good luck.

stardust09 · Jul 22, 2010

@WhichWayIsUp? i totally agree with you. i think most nurses feel this way at some point. i know i did. after almost 2 years in med-surg i requested for transfer to another unit. fortunately, there was a vacancy at that unit so it didn't take me very long after requesting. but you know, there would always be something (or someone) that would make your life seemingly miserable and it's impossible to run forever. and like Michael141 said, just think about it. if you do want to stay in nursing, then maybe seeking professional help would do you good. god bless!

NocturneRN · Jul 22, 2010

Wow, I feel like the OP read my mind exactly. I just came off orientation in the ER and hate it. I cry everyday before I go in. I'm totally miserable. I feel inept there. I thought I hated being a float, but the ER is a totally different beast. My hospital is always booming. Last night, I walked into a mess and instantly went into freak out mode. I couldn't get a line to save my life, was behind on everything. I had a hard time picking up pts. It seemed like every 3 minutes a new pt came by ambulance, one worse than the next. All night critical pts were put in the main instead of the crit area. I wish I never left my old jo and now I am stuck. I have to stay in the same spot for a year before I could transfer. Ugggggh. I may have a breakdown by then. To the OP, I really feel your pain, and wish you all the best and keep on keepin on.

My first question would be: are you getting support from your more experienced coworkers? You're right about the ER being a totally different beast: all it takes is a couple of glitches (like a difficult-to-start IV), and you're playing catchup the rest of the shift. It's not so bad if you have coworkers who can help you when you're really stuck, but, if you're left to flounder on your own, it's awful.

One of the good things about the ER is that you get razor sharp on many skills, because you're having to do them so often. The problem is that it takes time----more time than the average orientation gives you----to get to this point; yet you're still having to cope with a full load of patients. It also takes time to figure out where you can safely take shortcuts, and where you can't.

My ER orientation wasn't great. I was assigned to a preceptor who clearly didn't like me, and who was cold to me at the best of times, and downright hostile at the worst. When I asked a simple question about a procedure, she'd give me a shocked look, as if I'd proposed spitting into a patient's open wound, and say, "Oh, NO, you NEVER do it that way!" I'd feel like such a loser. I got where I hated coming in to work. If I had a question, I'd ask any other nurse under the sun except my preceptor.

The situation came to a head one shift, when she had me go in with her to get a critical patient ready for emergency surgery. I'd sent many patients to emergency surgery when I worked on the floor, but not one with this particular problem. I jumped in and did my best, but, every time I started to do something, she'd look at me scornfully, and say, "What are you doing THAT for? Get over here and do this!"

Finally, the preparations were done and the patient whisked off to surgery, and she said, "I want to talk to you.'

At this point, I couldn't take it any more. Weeks and weeks' worth of humiliation flooded forth, and I felt myself tearing up right at the nurses' station. (Don't you hate that?) I said, "Why did you treat me like an idiot in front of that patient? If nothing else, how do you think you made HER feel, making me out to be an incompetent boob when she's worried that she might not live through that surgery?"

I think my preceptor was taken aback by my flood of anger (and tears), and she mumbled something about a procedure that could be done more easily using a different approach. It was good advice, and I did acknowledge that I'd keep it in mind in the future (which I did). But I also let her know very clearly, from that point on, that I would tolerate no more disrespectful attitude from her.

Interestingly, things changed after that: she became more courteous, more helpful (instead of tearing me down), and we actually ended up getting along quite well. Maybe she hadn't been aware of how her attitude affected me. Maybe she had more respect for a coworker who told her off, than one who quietly put up with rude treatment. (Not an uncommon attitude among ER personnel, I've discovered.) But things did get better.

Hopefully, things will get better for you, too. But, if they don't, and you still want to get out of the ER after your obligatory year, you at least have one consolation: you'll be better than ever at assessment and procedural skills.

Michigan · Jul 22, 2010

Please, please Call your Dr. for appt ASAP/NOW/TODAY. Next have a frank talk with your manager. While most places have a 6 month "stay with your unit" policy. Rules are not always in stone and exceptions are made. A decent employer will want to "save" a good employee, even if that means bending the rules or giving you more training.

Please do not beat yourself up. Nursing is a stressful job and every nurse has at least one area/department they avoid at all cost. You are not failing at being a nurse and after time you may even love ER---BUT NOW you need time and help.