Need some suggestions about my mother in law

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I went with her to the doctor today about something, and it turned out he wanted to see her anyway about the results of some blood tests she'd had drawn earlier this week. Turns out she is a newly diagnosed diabetic. The glucose is low enough that he thinks it can improve with dietary changes. I told her I will help her with the nutrition stuff and she seemed eager. When we left I outlined some general changes she will have to make, like cutting back on her snacks. I did stress that she doesn't have to give them up, just moderate them, like 1 or 2 cookies instead of 10, and not skipping meals, etc. She immediately started complaining and arguing with me about it, to the point that I tossed her newly purchased package of bear claws on the counter and told her she was on her own because I was tired of the complaining.

I know that it's denial that is making her act this way, and I have every intention of helping her instead of tossing her in the river, but I don't know how to deal with her until she does accept this diagnosis and wants the help. I have tried to reassure her that she really doesn't have to give up anything except large amounts of sugar, but she is still fighting with me. What can I do to help her until she accepts the diagnosis?

NOT looking for medical advice, and please don't get my thread closed by giving it to me anyway. I have never been faced with a relative getting a new diagnosis about a serious problem and I don't know what to do for her at this stage. Do I just back off and wait until she's ready, or is there something else I can do?

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Specializes in Multiple.

I think you have hit the nail on the head - you can't make someone change if they don't want to. All you can do is to keep lines of communication open until she is ready. If you live by example, and encourage your family to do the same, then in time, she will come round.

Currently you say her sugars are not that abnormal, so giving her the time to adjust to her diagnosis is acceptable.

Give her time, keep the peace and just wait - I know being patient is not easy, but it'll be worth it - she knows how you feel.

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Specializes in ER, Hospice, CCU, PCU.

My suggestion {from experience} is to go with her to a community group meeting about Diabetes. Even though our families run to us with every broken nail, when it comes to the big things sometimes they listen to people their own age and to strangers better than they do to family. Remember, they are older and no matter how old or successful we get we are still children and grandchildren {Something my 28 year old son father of one is slowly learning}

Just be patient, be there if she needs you, and gently point her in the right direction. She may find people at these meetings she likes and is better able to share her fears of mortality with them than with you.

Good Luck

Debbye

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Specializes in LTC.

My family is currently undergoing a major dietary change and it's absolutely horrifying if you jump into it all at once. My dad just had a heart attack (yeah I'm one of those pre-nursings that still live at home:rolleyes:) and his first day out of the hospital my mother and I went to the grocery store and we both left with extreme headaches and snapping at eachother. We dove in to fast. Going from the family that deep fries everything to low fat wasn't something we could do in a day. So we startted taking it slower we realized that if we messed up on occassion and made something not exactly low fat (and we have) that my Dad wouldn't keel over on site with a heart attack.

Denial maybe part of the problem, but she might just be overwhelmed as well. Making such a huge change is scary and hard to do. I'd give her the facts, but I would also be the experimenter with her. Be the one to discover no sugar packaged cookies and candies with her and start cooking with sugar substitutes. Go out and buy a couple of diabetic cookbooks and find ways of making the things she likes that aren't good for her into something good that tastes just as tasty. If skipping meals is a problem look into making meals she likes and freezing them in portions she can just pop into the microwave.

Be the person who helps her adjust to the life style and make the adjustment smoother instead of just giving her the information.

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Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.

I agree with the previous advice. A local support group, plus any organized diabetes education that's available.

If you can find any good printed resources, have those available, but don't push. "Here is some good information I found that you can read when you have time."

Then just wait for her to ask questions. If she ever does. And if she doesn't, that's OK too. And, ignore whatever she does. You aren't her diet police. That will just make her angry, resentful, and even less likely to listen to you. Gently encourage her to exercise with you but don't push that either. "I'm going for a walk, would you like to go with me?"

Keep the channels of communication open so that you can be a resource for her.

Don't forget she's a grown-up and can make her own bad decisions too!

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Oh I hear ya! My bf who is 42 is 6'4" and about roughly 320-350 and has weight induced diabetes ...again. He was diagnosed about 2 years ago and slimmed down about 100 pounds less and ...low & behold...diabetes gone....He gradually gained all the weight back and is back to all his bad eating habits......he will use an entire bottle of ketchup at one sitting..and I am not exaggerating either....all he eats is junk junk junk..and you mention the cookies...have 2 not 10.......my bf is like this..he'll say "I only had 16" like it was 4 it pisses me off ..and he has to wear glasses from diabetes I suspect....he got the glasses but never wears them.......and he doesn't go to the doctor (cuz he knows what he'll hear) so whenever I get on him about taking care of himself he either laughs at me or ignores me....I told him don't cry to me when you end up having a massive MI, lose a leg , or end up in a diabetic coma or just plain die because you chose to live your life by eating crap like you do.........I mean I am no skinny minnie buy that's from being around him & picking up on some bad eating habits because I have never weighed more than 130-140 in my life and I am a bit above that now after being with him so long :eek: but that's from the old " you are the company you keep" thing....picking up habits of those you are around.....but I am working on myself.....but I can't force my bf to do anything he doesn't want so when he has a major health crisis happen....he will then hopefully wake up if he lives through it.....it makes me crazy so I definetly feel your frustration...trust me! :o...and remember... most diabetics are manipulative so they can try to get away with their bad habits, and lots of them suffer from depression.....I never knew that until a nurse who deals with diabetic patients told me.....it was very enlightening....well good luck with your mil...hopefully she will take care of herself..but remember just like the others say..she is the one who has to want to be responsible....you aren't going to make her do anything she doesn't want to and offer her praise when she does do good stuff regarding her diet, excersize etc....maybe that will encourage her to stick to it........good luck!

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