Need some peer direction

classicdame, MSN, EdD · Oct 5, 2012

maybe you need a third party (counselor) to help you cope with others. Not a matter of who is right or wrong, just a matter of how to handle it. Differences in mindset does not mean they are wrong and you are right either. I think you might find more peace if you learned how to handle the differences and not think they are all attacks on your ego. I mean that in a kind way. Sometimes we just need another person to point out ways to make us be more comfortable with others. Good luck.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Oct 5, 2012

^ What she said. A good counselor is worth his/her weight in gold. You wouldn't hesitate to recommend professional help prn to a patient in need of it, and you have neatly described your need. When it's every year like clockwork, it doesn't matter what your friends say or what the geography is.

Good luck.

brown eyed girl · Oct 5, 2012

Counselor like therapist or nursing mentor??

lykeen · Oct 5, 2012

I agree with the other 2 posters. This doesn't sound like it's necessarily the jobs you are taking. Maybe you just need a reevaluation of your career and goals, and I mean that in the kindest of ways. Does your current employer offer an EAP (employee assistance program)? These programs usually offer counseling services (i.e. therapist) and they are confidential (in other words, the information gleaned does not go back to your employer). Good luck!

brown eyed girl · Oct 6, 2012

Reevaluate my career goals?? Nursing is my passion and I'm damn good at it! The only thing regarding my career I need to reevaluate is how far to go with my education in nursing. I'm highly offended that you would say such a thing . BTW, no my job doesn't offer eap or anything else other than a paycheck. I have absolutely no issue with getting along with my coworkers whether they are above, the same as, or below me. My work and attitude is great as told to me by my superiors and my fellow nurses; the problem is my inability to handle superiors attempt to abuse me and them really expecting me to accept it.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Oct 6, 2012

Reevaluate my career goals?? Nursing is my passion and I'm da**n good at it! The only thing regarding my career I need to reevaluate is how far to go with my education in nursing. I'm highly offended that you would say such a thing . BTW, no my job doesn't offer eap or anything else other than a paycheck. I have absolutely no issue with getting along with my coworkers whether they are above, the same as, or below me. My work and attitude is great as told to me by my superiors and my fellow nurses; the problem is my inability to handle superiors attempt to abuse me and them really expecting me to accept it.

And this is the problem. She wasn't telling you to fin another career, but you took something said as an ego blow and you blew up. I do think a therapist would help with interpersonal relationships as well as your perception of "attacks" and "abuse". What are they doing that you view as abuse?

lykeen · Oct 6, 2012

And this is the problem. She wasn't telling you to fin another career, but you took something said as an ego blow and you blew up. I do think a therapist would help with interpersonal relationships as well as your perception of "attacks" and "abuse". What are they doing that you view as abuse?

Thank you! I'm glad I wasn't the only one who thought my words were a form of encouragement as opposed to an attack. To the OP, I really do hope you find whatever it is you need on this forum. We are not trying to "abuse" you, but we'd like to help in any way we can. Therapy/counseling does sound like the best answer at this point.

brown eyed girl · Oct 6, 2012

At one former place of employment, everything was great except my relationship with the nurse I worked with on my unit; she and I never got along and I managed as best as I felt I could but always letting her know and proving to her that I had her back no matter what. Anyway, after over a year of working together, a new DON came and changed my unit without warning and the problems began. Within one week I was suspended for 3 days, I came back, worked I believe a week, suspended again this time for two weeks (YES 2WEEKS, REALLY). When I got the call to come back to work I explained that I was scheduled for an outpatient procedure one day after my return; no problem the scheduler says, I'll get coverage just complete the form and turn it in. I do just that, I'm off as planned. When I return the next day (sooner than I'm supposed to) the scheduler pulls me aside and shows me my original request form. The DON DENIED my request eventhough it was covered due to "employee taking previous 2 weeks off. " This is very true. Approximately 1month later, I was terminated due to my previous suspensions and bad attitude. Prior to her coming, I'd never been written up or suspended. What happened to me was nothing short of harassment. What I don't understand is why and what part I played in it for it to happen.

itsnowornever, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2012

I know this will probably anger you, but I dont think that you were "victimized". I think the new DON just doesn't want to deal with it. Was it mature on his/her part? No. Could there have been more done? Yes. However, at this point I think you need to just deal with whatever slights you think you are being dealt and suck up the bad attitude. Keep a low profile. At whatever job you have now or where ever you go, suck it up. Join a gym or sports team, get your aggression out that way. Get the frustration out in a physical way away from work. Again, i will restate, counseling or a support group may help with the anger and frustration and give you better ways of dealing with it.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Oct 7, 2012

You came and asked for advice for the problem as you describe it. You're getting it. Some of us have been around a loooooong time and have seen this show before, so we can now name that tune in three notes. Briefly it goes like this: If it happens in multiple places and circumstances and the only variable is YOU, then YOU are the one with the problem. It doesn't necessarily mean you ARE the problem, so don't get all fluffed up over that assumption. But you are the one who came here with the problem.

A therapist will help you either identify what this is all about and help you learn better ways of dealing with it (not to make you a doormat, but to make you more successful in your chosen career), or help you learn better ways of choosing work venues so it won't be such an issue. A bit of self-reflection will be involved in both. Likely, both will be helpful. What do you have to lose except a lot of frustration and anger...and a fractured resume? Up to you, though.

Again, what your friends tell you is not germane to the central issue, as you describe it.

Good luck to you.

HippyDippyLPN · Oct 7, 2012

you are coming of as angry and defensive even in these posts. There is a difference between standing up for yourself and jumping down someone's throat every time you think someone is treating you unfairly. I say this with the most kindness, there is no way every job you have had has been out for you or attacking you or putting you down repeatedly. Sometimes as much as it sucks we all need to look at ourselves and think what do I need to change here to break this cycle, what am *I* doing to contribute to this disfunction? No one is saying dont be a nurse people are just saying there is NOTHING wrong with needed a counselor to talk things out with, to have an outside party to try to help you figure why you might be on the defensive all the time KWIM? I had to do it myself all the time in nursing! sometimes its hard to swallow when you know you need to change your attitude which again I have had to do time and time again but I gurantee you that if you take a good look at yourself and change your outlook you will not have this problem again Good luck to you!